5 Things Unhappy, Angry Men Are Usually Missing In Their Lives, From A Guy Who Learned To Do Better
Changing your mindset for the better without compromising who you are.
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock We all start out with the goal of leading a happy life and becoming the best version of ourselves. But with everything going on in the world, this 'dream' can slowly begin to feel more and more impossible. It feels like we work 24/7 just to pay the bills ... who has time for the work of happiness?
With so much negativity around us, it's no wonder we have such a hard time seeing the brighter side of things. So then, how can we change our mindset for the better? And what do we have to give up to do so?
In the Open Relationships: Transforming Together podcast, host Andrea Miller invites author and podcaster Case Kenny, to discuss the five things unhappy men are missing, drawing from his own experience as a formerly unhappy man.
5 Things Unhappy Men Are Missing In Their Lives
1. Lack of good influences
Who you surround yourself with will either make or break you. As licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin writes, "When you pick friends who make poor choices, you could get dragged down fast. When you choose people who inspire and challenge you to be better, you'll increase your chances of reaching your goals."
Failing to progress in life, accomplish your dreams, or reach your goals is a recipe for a miserable life. The truth is, we can care about our friends while also acknowledging that they're terrible for us.
Are your friends creeps, weirdos, unmotivated, and stuck, or just plain-out rude? It might be time to let go of that friendship and explore new friends that encourage you to step outside your comfort zone.
2. They don't journal (or do therapy)
If you want to become happier you need to begin journaling. Kenny explains, "I'm a big, big proponent of guided journaling. You know, you can't tell a guy to go to therapy."
The unfortunate truth is that most men see therapy as a sign of weakness. It goes against their warped views of masculinity and so men are less likely than women to seek professional help.
The National Library of Medicine writes, "Despite the gap in research, it has long been clear that traditional masculine norms and standard theoretical counseling practices do not necessarily align well."
This can explain why men seek professional counseling less and less. And I get it, it's utterly intimidating to get vulnerable with a stranger. But, this is why Kenny recommends journaling.
According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, journaling can help:
- Manage anxiety
- Manage depression
- Manage stress
If you're not sure how to start journaling then simply take a few minutes out of your day to write down your inner thoughts.
3. They give in to triggers
According to Kenny, social media can be particularly triggering to men — even if we never frame it that way. Yes, this can refer to trauma triggers, but more specifically, these triggers are for anger, rage, or simple insecurity. Everywhere you look there is always some influencer telling men what they should or shouldn't be. That they have to be this way otherwise they aren't 'man enough.' Yes, these are triggers, too.
As Kenny puts it, "Remove the triggers that make you slide back and that'll help." Which is why men should limit their time on social media, according to him.
4. They lack a support system
When you surround yourself with negativity, you're more likely to be negative yourself. In the same breath, if you surround yourself with positive influences you're more likely to be happier in life.
In turn, this can encourage you to become vulnerable with your emotions. It can encourage you to step outside your comfort zone and explore passions that you've set aside for too long.
Kenny explains, "Like me and my like two best friends, for instance, lwe've got a text chain where we'll send back and forth photos of journal entries. My friend, Mike is really good at that."
To some, this might come off as 'cringe' or 'sappy' or unmasculine. They might find it weak to share journal entries or to express their feelings to their friends.
But as Kenny points out, "And it's like it's but it's not like a sappy little thing. It's, you know, it's just like something you do once you're out on the same level as other guys."
5. They have under-developed belief systems
One last thing that is making men unhappy is a weak belief system. Going back to social media, men (and women) try to adopt the personality of a stranger or of a stereotype they believe they must fulfill. They'll do everything in their power to embody that one 'masculine figure,' not realizing that it's actually hurting them instead.
Kenny explains, " I think we need to we need to remove like even like words, like masculinity." He continues, "We'll stop looking for masculine traits because those are usually faked and they're performative and they're not real."
So, instead, let's look to embody a mature person. A mature person who says they're going to do something and does it. A mature person who is honest about how they feel. Someone who can show up, even when it's hard. Yes, that is the true standard we should aspire to be.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.