11 Things That Seem Like Bad Manners But Are Actually Socially Acceptable Now
Social etiquette changes all the time, after all.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Social etiquette isn't static, which means that rules around polite behavior change over time. Some behavior is considered rude, no matter what era you're in, like cutting in line, interrupting people, or not saying "please." But there are other things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable now, especially when it comes to using technology.
Everyone has their own interpretation of what it means to be polite, which can often lead to uncomfortable interactions. It's totally possible to offend people without realizing you're doing something wrong. In that situation, being as considerate as possible and offering a genuine apology is the best way forward.
Here are 11 things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable now
1. Scrolling at the dinner table
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Every family has their own rules for what's allowed at the dinner table, especially when it comes to phone use. Scrolling on your phone is one of those things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable now. Like everything else in the world, context is key: Scrolling during a romantic dinner for two is very different from scrolling while eating takeout on the couch.
Scrolling at the dinner table might be socially acceptable now, but that doesn't make it a good idea. According to therapist Leslie Rouder, being glued to your phone means "you miss all of the subtleties of communication, [like] eye-to-eye contact and being able to see someone's body expression."
"Over 90 percent of our communication is non-verbal," she explained, which is why scrolling in the presence of others often means "we're not being in close contact with each other in a way that's most beneficial in terms of really good communication."
It might be socially acceptable to stay on your phone during dinner, but if you really want to feel connected to the people you're sharing a meal with, it's best to stash your phone until you're done eating.
2. Using emojis in work emails
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When it comes to appropriate ways of communicating at work, there's a major generational divide around using emojis. Gen Z has no problem peppering their work emails with emojis, even though their boomer bosses don't always appreciate it. Yet the tides seem to be shifting as more of Gen Z joins the workforce, which means using emojis at work is actually socially acceptable now, even though it seems like bad manners.
According to research from the Journal of Information Technology Teaching Cases, using emojis at work serves several purposes, including conveying emotions, offering feedback, and expressing appreciation within peer groups. Researchers pointed out that "emojis can potentially enhance the clarity and effectiveness of communication," but they can also be misused in a way that negatively impacts people's working relationships.
"Knowing your audience and understanding the business culture... is crucial in effectively communicating with them," they explained. "In a formal or conservative corporate environment, the use of emojis may be deemed less suitable."
Using emojis at work can make people seem more approachable, but it also has the potential to be misconstructed or perceived as lacking in professionalism within certain settings. Even though emojis are way more socially acceptable now, it's probably best to limit your use of the laugh-cry emoji to your work bestie, and not your boss.
3. Texting instead of calling
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As iPhones continue to reign supreme, it's become more socially acceptable to send texts instead of calling, when it used to seem like bad manners. As a study from Computers in Human Behavior pointed out, the rate of texting has outpaced calling since 2005, and it shows no signs of slowing down.
In their survey of phone etiquette across generations, the researchers discovered that most people think texting is less disruptive than calling, except in one specific situation: driving. Aside from safety concerns about texting at the wheel, using the phone to make an actual phone call is interpreted as way more impolite than sending a text.
4. Not shaking hands
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Before 2020, shaking hands was the first thing people did when they were introduced to each other. Only now, the rules around handshakes have completely changed. Refusing to shake someone's hand is one of those things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable now.
According to etiquette expert Margaret Page, "at its core, etiquette is about adhering to a set of social standards that allow us all to feel comfortable." She pointed out that handshakes have become a "gray area of social interaction" in our post-pandemic world. While some people see them as a non-negotiable part of making a polite first impression, others aren't comfortable with that kind of contact anymore.
She recommended using three things to convey your comfort level around handshakes: your body language, your voice, and your empathy. "If you don't want to shake hands, don't offer your hand," Page advised. "Tell the person you're greeting that you're not shaking hands at the moment. Be clear but keep a friendly tone." She continued, "Be gracious if your greeting isn't matched. We're all navigating... the ongoing upheaval of societal norms."
5. Ignoring unexpected visitors
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In the time before cell phones, it wasn't especially strange to stop by someone's house unannounced. Getting a random knock on the door wasn't out of the ordinary, and it was widely accepted that pretending not to be home was just plain rude. Now, ignoring unexpected visitors is actually socially acceptable.
The act of interrupting someone else's peace and quiet is often seen as more impolite than not answering the door at all. It's the modern-day equivalent of inviting yourself over to a friends' house, even though they've told you how busy they are.
Ignoring people who come to your doorstep seems more rude than it is. There's no hard and fast rule that says we have to sacrifice our personal comfort just to entertain other people. Ignoring unexpected visitors is a valid boundary to keep.
6. Waiting to respond to texts
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It might seem like bad manners to let texts go unanswered, but waiting to text back is not only socially acceptable, it's also an act of self-care. Jenna Banks, speaker and author of the book "I Love Me More: How To Find Happiness & Success Through Self-Love," shared that setting boundaries around texting is a way to stay connected to loved ones, without compromising your values or your time.
"Getting caught up in excessive texting can be detrimental to our mental health, to the depth of our relationships, and to the progress we make towards our personal and professional goals," she explained.
"By setting boundaries on the frequency and nature of the communications in our relationships, we love ourselves more," Banks continued. "We invest our precious time and energy into ourselves... We give ourselves quietude, room for deep thought, and the ability to concentrate on meaningful work by removing the distraction of continuous messaging and letting go of the compulsion to frequently check our phones. Put the phone on mute, and put the focus on what you need."
We all know that friend who practically writes a personal essay every time they text. We have parents who expect us to answer them in five minutes flat, or else it means we're lying in a ditch somewhere. Just because we can be in constant contact with each other doesn't mean it always serves us to do so. The pressure to always be in touch is immense, and texting on your own timetable is something you don't have to apologize for.
7. Wearing casual clothes at work
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Among the many ways the workplace has changed in the past five years, the definition of what makes an outfit "work-appropriate" tops the list. Unless you're a lifeguard, going to work in flip flops is a big "no," but otherwise, wearing casual clothes at work is actually socially acceptable now.
According to a Gallup poll, there's been a major shift in what's acceptable to wear at work. Suits and uniforms have become the exception to the rule, rather than the norm. The majority of American employees go into work wearing business casual or casual street clothes.
Fifty-one percent of women who were surveyed wear blouses, dress pants, dressy jeans, or skirts, while 31% wear T-shirts and leggings. Men were more evenly divided, with almost 30% reporting they wear business casual, street clothes, or a uniform. Only 3% said they wear a suit on a regular basis.
It seems like bad manners to dress down in a professional setting, but it's probably weirder if you show up in a suit, when everyone else is in jeans.
8. Unfollowing people on social media
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Life is short, and we all have limited time on this Earth, which is one reason why it's more than okay to run a tight ship with your social media accounts. It might seem like bad manners to unfollow people, but it's actually socially acceptable, and sometimes, even recommended. Curating your list of followers is part of protecting your inner peace, in whatever form it takes.
From the outside looking in, blocking and unfollowing people seems rude, but it's a very valid boundary to have. You don't have to read unhinged tweets from your former college roommate, and you don't necessarily want your aunt to know how you spend your Saturdays.
No matter what, you have the ultimate decision-making power around who gets a window into your life. If unfollowing people lowers your blood pressure, do it without any hesitation or regrets.
9. Leaving events early
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Your time and energy are precious resources, and you don't have to expend those resources in social situations, just because it's the polite thing to do. Leaving early is one of the things that seem like bad manners but are actually socially acceptable now.
You don't owe your presence to other people, unless you're on the clock at work or raising kids. There's nothing wrong with leaving a social gathering early, as long as you do it right.
Etiquette trainer Mariah Grumet Humbert offered insight into how to leave an event early while still being polite. "If you know ahead of time that you will be having to leave the event early, be sure to notify the host in advance," she said. "Don't feel the need to over-explain or justify your reason for having to leave early."
Even if you leave early, "make the most of your time there," she advised. "You do not need to make your exit strategy a whole production, but remember not to leave before thanking and saying goodbye to your hosts."
10. Quitting a job without two weeks notice
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In some situations, it's actually acceptable to quit a job without two weeks' notice, even though it seems like bad manners. There's no legal federal or state requirement for employees to give notice, but as consultant and career advice columnist Alison Green pointed out, giving two weeks' notice is "the professional convention, and it's generally considered a bridge-burning move not to."
Yet there are expectations to the rule, like having health issues or a family crisis. Green also shared that quitting without notice is acceptable if "your company has a track record of having resigning employees leave immediately and not paying them for their notice periods."
"If you leave without notice just because you're annoyed and fed up, well, you're still allowed to do that," she explained. "But you should be aware that you'll be burning the bridge."
11. Breaking up by text
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As rude as it is to ghost someone, it's a very common occurrence, especially within the world of online dating. Ghosting easily tops the list of toxic ways to break up with someone, and some people think that breaking up by text is close behind. While it's not an especially courageous or compassionate approach, it is more socially acceptable than it used to be, despite the fact that it seems like bad manners.
According to research from Computers in Human Behavior, 10.8% of people have ended a relationship through text. There's a major difference between sending a breakup text to someone you've dated for a few weeks versus your live-in partner. Yet just because it's socially acceptable doesn't mean it's the right move.
Texting to end a relationship might seem easier than doing it face to face, but you still have to consider the repercussions. Above all else, having compassion for the person you're breaking up with goes a very long way.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.