11 Things People With High IQs Pretend To Enjoy But Secretly Hate
Intelligence isn't shaped, shown, and cultivated in the same ways for every person.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Although they tend to be open-minded about certain things and often emotionally intelligent enough to live authentically, highly intelligent people do struggle with pessimism on a daily basis more than the average person, according to career coach Marty Nemko. They can see behind the veil of external validation, societal norms, and fake people, so there are certain things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate.
They understand the need for social interaction and connection in their lives, so they don't condemn people for their interests or completely walk away from conversations they don't actively enjoy. But they may occasionally drain themselves by feeding into situations that don't nourish their intellect, curiosity, or creativity.
Here are 11 things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate
1. Networking events
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Considering intelligent people tend to thrive with less social connections than the average person, according to a study from the British Journal of Psychology, it's not entirely surprising that meaningless conversations, superficial networking events, and small talk are some of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate.
They'd rather spend time alone, invest their energy into meaningful deep relationships, or indulge in their personal hobbies than waste an evening doing millions of introductions and trying to sell themselves in place of emotional and intentional conversation.
2. Pretentious people and events
fizkes | Shutterstock
While there's certainly a misconception that all intelligent people find joy in pretentious art spaces, listening to obscure music, and even reading literary classics for enjoyment, they generally prefer deep, emotional, and meaningful connection over "fitting into" these spaces for prestige.
Highly intelligent people do boast complex, deep, and abstract thinking processes, so they do understand these arenas — art, classic writing, history, or any other kind of gatekept industry. But it often leads them to existential crisis or an aura of inauthenticity later in life, compared to the average person who can "roleplay" in these settings and then leave.
They'd prefer to have a few great connections and hobbies than to pretend to enjoy the stereotypical joys often associated with intelligence. They enjoy art and music, as a side effect of their innate creativity, but not often the kind that's inherently prestigious and cut off from enjoyment by the rest of the world.
3. Being the 'smart' friend
Ground Picture | Shutterstock
Whether they're the "therapist" of their friend group with the emotional intelligence to resolve conflicts and mediate conversations or the "smart friend" of their peers, tasked with problem-solving and taking charge when someone needs help, being defined by their intellect and tasked with a role is one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate.
Even if everyone else doesn't realize it, being forced into these roles and taking on more emotional responsibility in their personal relationships can breed resentment and tension. Nobody wants to be in charge of "the hard stuff" all the time, especially when it gets in the way of their own emotional expression, needs, and wellbeing.
While the prestige, intellect, and sometimes perceived arrogance that comes from a high IQ person taking on these roles and responsibilities can be beneficial to growth and success in a traditional arena like the workplace, according to the Management Psychology Group, it's detrimental to social connections and personal relationships, which is exactly why they feel pressure to pretend to enjoy.
4. Pressure to prove their intelligence
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Whether it's in their personal relationships, the workplace, or in conversations with people they've just met, being labeled the "smart friend" or having a complex job title can urge people with high IQs to feel pressure to prove their intelligence.
Despite sparking insecurity in people and driving tension in relationships, they're pressured to be outlandish with their intellect, instead of showcasing it in subtle and helpful ways. It's one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy for the sake of other people's comfort and excitement, but secretly hate, whether it's boasting about their reading list, solving a math equation, or talking about their higher education.
5. Solving everyone's problems
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Outside of being labeled the "smart friend" in their personal lives, people with high IQs are often tasked with solving people's problems in every avenue of their lives. Especially in the workplace, where their intellect and skill tend to be incredibly successful in their growth, it's common for these workers to boast a larger workload than the average person.
While it may result in a higher salary or more prestige, it's one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate. They'd sometimes prefer to lack the problem-solving skills or deeper thinking mechanisms for the sake of lessening their workload or having a better work-life balance.
6. Staying informed
Josep Suria | Shutterstock
Staying informed on politics and up-to-date on the latest news headline is one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate. While it sometimes sparks insightful and meaningful conversation, most of the time, it's simply a way for people to categorize and judge others under the guise of "staying informed."
Not only is it draining socially to constantly be pressured into these conversations, but consuming too much of this negative media and feeling internal pressure to understand everything going on can have negative consequences on intelligent people's mental health as well.
While there are certainly ways to unpack this anxiety and cope with overconsuming media, headlines, and news, intelligent people struggle to catch a break. When they're not being pressured to comment on discourse, mediate a conversation, or share their opinion on the latest headline, they're overthinking themselves — a tendency people with high IQs often share.
7. Always having a hot take
SG Shot | Shutterstock
Despite often feeling pressure to explain themselves, have an opinion, or stay up-to-date on all the happenings of the world, intelligent people are often much more likely to say "I don't know" when they're feeling empowered. They're self-aware enough to know that an inauthentic opinion isn't worth as much as simply listening to how other people feel and acknowledging their thoughts.
Yet always being pressured into having an opinion is still one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate. They do love intentional and meaningful conversations, whether it's with friends or strangers, but having to prove their intelligence or always comment on timely news is less than exciting.
8. Competition
stockfour | Shutterstock
Considering we live in an already ultra-competitive society, pitting smart, successful, and intelligent people up against each other, it's not surprising that competition is one of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate.
Feeling constant pressures to remind people of their intelligence by comparing and competing with others, like a study from the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization suggests, highly intelligent people often feel inherently anxious about how they're going to have to compete with at work, in their relationships, and simply navigating their daily lives.
Especially for people that have either intentionally or unintentionally allowed their intellect to seep into their self-proclaimed identity and self-worth, feeling pressure to compete may not be as exciting and insightful as it is for a truly secure person.
9. Bad jokes
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
Being funny and witty is often a sign of intelligence, but that doesn't mean that everyone with the ability to tell a joke or leverage humor in a conversation is innately smart. In fact, a bad joke or ignorant and offensive humor are some of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate.
They prefer a more intentional kind of humor or a "positive humor style" that improves relationship wellbeing, self-esteem, and social connection, rather than a bad joke or misguided phrase that turns people away and shuts down meaningful conversations.
10. Pointless conversations
Estrada Anton | Shutterstock
Wasting time with petty arguments or pointless conversations are some of the things people with high IQs pretend to enjoy but secretly hate. They'd prefer to spend time alone, talk with close friends, or engage in an intentionally deep conversation than constantly feed into small talk that leads nowhere — yet they're still pressured to enjoy it.
Even if it's simply for the sake of protecting another person's comfort or self-esteem, they're pressured to feign enjoyment for these meaningless conversations, whether it's in the workplace or at home.
11. Too many meetings
wichayada suwanachun | Shutterstock
While resenting their boss for scheduling a meeting that could've been an email is largely frustrating for anyone, regardless of intelligence, people with high IQs are much more sensitive about wasting their time.
Whether it's at work, in their personal lives, or somewhere in between, they like efficiency and intentionality. They don't mind having off-topic conversations or long meetings, but they want value and intentionality attached to it, not jumping on Zoom and meeting for the sake of meeting.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
