15 Things People With Healthy Boundaries Don't Owe Anyone
You never have to explain your choices to anyone.
francescoridolfi.com | Canva I know how much social pressure there is to conduct yourself a certain way. Some people know what's best for you and the whole world. But remember that you don't owe anyone anything, especially these things.
The stronger and healthier your boundaries become, the fewer problems you'll have refusing to overexplain your life decision-making to friends, family, the cashier at Target, whoever — and that's a win/win for everyone.
Here are fifteen things people with healthy boundaries don't owe anyone:
1. An explanation for your living situation
It doesn't matter what kind of living situation you're in, whether you have housemates, live alone, live unmarried with a partner, or live with your ex still. You don't need to explain to anyone why you live the way that you do.
2. An explanation for your life priorities
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Want to open a business? Become a pastor at your church? Sell all your belongings and backpacks through India? Go for it. And remember, you don't have to explain your priorities to anyone. They're yours and you don't have to try to impress people with them.
3. An apology if you aren't sorry
If you've done something that someone else doesn't like but that you don't regret, you don't owe them an apology. An apology is to try to rectify a mistake and the impact it's had on others.
If someone asks for an apology for something not intended as offensive, refusing to apologize may be appropriate. Defending oneself without an apology might be necessary when someone is wrongly accused of wrongdoing. A 2013 European Journal of Social Psychology study found that apology refusal increased feelings of power/control and value integrity.
4. An explanation for requiring alone time
If you need alone time, you're not being rude, introverted, or unfriendly. You just need time alone. You don't have to explain your need for that. Just enjoy that precious time alone.
According to relationship coach Deborah Roth, while humans are naturally social beings, "some alone time may be essential for our mental health and well-being, too much of it can result in profound feelings of loneliness and depression."
Psychologist John Cacioppo also researched the negative effects of loneliness on both the body and mind and urges us to find a healthy balance between nurturing our close relationships and spending time by ourselves."
5. An agreement on their personal beliefs
When people share their personal beliefs with you, it's often a sign of trust that should be cherished. It's a window into their souls and the way they think. But just because someone has shared their personal beliefs with you doesn't mean you have to nod in agreement.
6. A yes to everything someone says
I know it can be hard to say no to the hard ask, but just know that you don't have to say yes to everything everyone asks of you. Know your limits and what you're willing to do for others.
Certified life coach Amy Bracht believed it takes practice to consciously say no in a society that consistently expects us all to say 'yes.' She offers three steps to start this practice: start small, understand you don't owe anyone an explanation, and take the time to find the root of your need to be agreeable.
At one point, Bracht explained, "Being agreeable and going with the flow meant that you would have someone to sit with at lunch, or you would get invited to the party. Something good would happen if you just said yes — so you prioritized saying yes. But, you're an adult now and the same strategies for keeping yourself safe and cared for are not as effective."
7. An explanation for your physical appearance
If you've lost weight, gained weight, changed your hair, grown a beard, or done anything with your physical appearance, you don't owe anyone an explanation for it. You're just doing you. They can deal with pink hair.
8. An explanation for your food preferences
We all like different types of food. If someone tries to judge you over it, don't engage. You don't have to explain what kind of food you like to eat. You just eat what you want to.
You don't need to explain your food preferences because they are deeply personal and often stem from a complex combination of genetics, early childhood experiences, cultural influences, and learned associations. According to research published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, justifying your choices to others is unnecessary and potentially intrusive.
Food preferences are inherently subjective and personal, making it difficult to explain why someone likes or dislikes a specific food objectively. People should generally be free to make food choices without feeling pressured to justify them.
9. An explanation for your love life
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Whether your love life doesn't exist or does with another consenting adult, it's no one's business but your own. People will try to judge you for who you sleep with or what you're into, but what they think generally doesn't matter.
10. An explanation for your career or personal life choices
When it comes to the direction you're going in life, you don't owe anyone an explanation for your career or the direction you've opted to go. Just go for it! The people who truly care for you will back you up.
11. An explanation for your religious or political views
Whether you're a Democrat, Republican, Catholic, Protestant, or Muslim, it's your choice. If someone wants to have a fun, candid discussion with you and you also want that, have at it. A good debate or exchange of ideas is a lot of fun.
Marriage and family therapist Francis Patton explained the pros and cons of including your political affiliation in your dating profile: Regarding the pros, Patton noted that it can save time, money, and aggravation (when you know someone's views off-the-bat), you can find a person well-suited to you, and it can help a person find out more about your core values.
However, the cons, Patton continued, may mean your profile may come off as combative, you might miss out on someone great (because they're turned off by your views), and it may simply be more information than you're comfortable sharing.
12. An explanation for being single
It doesn't matter if you're single by design or by accident — you're single! Chances are, you're pretty happy with it, too. You might get pressured to go find a partner and get married, but you march to the beat of your drum.
13. A date just because they asked
This is such an important thing to remember. You don't have to say yes just because someone asked you to go out with them.
Not owing anyone a date aligns with psychological research on autonomy, personal boundaries, healthy self-esteem, and the right to choose one's romantic partner. A 2020 report published by the Pew Research Center suggests that individuals are not obligated to date someone simply because they expressed interest and can decline without feeling guilt or pressure to reciprocate.
14. An explanation for why you're married or not
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Want to get married at 18? Do you never want to get married? As long as you're an adult making decisions of your own accord, your decision about marriage is yours alone.
15. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices
Did you forgive a cheater? Did you get back together with your ex? Did you say no to a marriage proposal? Did you decide you don't want kids? These decisions were made by you for your own set of reasons, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
Higher Perspective seeks to unite like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness.