11 Things People Desperately Want More Of In Life But Can't Seem To Grasp
There are plenty of things you want, yet struggle to find.
CarlosBarquero | Shutterstock We spend most of our lives trying to figure out what we want and how to get those things. Childhood desires might seem simpler — dessert before dinner, extended summer vacation, unlimited screen time — yet they’re no less valid.
By the time we enter adulthood, it often feels like we carry the weight of the world, or at least more responsibilities than we’d like. Whatever we’re seeking, it’s rooted in our wish to have a full-hearted, authentic life.
Here are 11 things people desperately want more of in life but can't seem to grasp
1. Inner peace
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There's no doubt that most people's lives are busy, if not downright chaotic. Our work days are usually full of meetings, presentations and projects, and then we have to cook dinner after we clock out. Weekends often aren't relaxing, especially if you're shuttling kids from soccer practice to ballet rehearsal to piano lessons, and you still have to cook dinner.
The pressures of modern life might seem like they run on a never-ending loop, which is why so many people want to find some version of inner peace. Inner peace, or peace of mind, can be defined as a state of spiritual or psychological calm, despite outside stressors.
When speaking on peace of mind, the Dalai Lama said, "We must develop it within ourselves." He continued, "We can't buy peace of mind from the supermarket or from medication. Our life, on the global level, or national level, on the individual family level, or individual level, there are problems, endless problems... You must take for granted the causes of conflict or differences are always there. Suffering is always there. So, peace must be created by yourself."
His perspective is rooted in the idea of radical acceptance. When we accept the inevitable hardships that our lives hold, we're then able to face those challenges with a centered and grounded presence.
2. Adventure
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American adults are notoriously stressed out, overworked, and exhausted. Most people are desperate for time away from their professional responsibilities. Even when they do take a break, an astounding 54% of employees work during their vacations.
Not everyone has the ability to slip away from their regularly-scheduled lives, which makes the daily grind feel especially drawn-out. Yet there's a scientifically-backed way to inject a little more excitement into our lives, even if it's just for a weekend.
A research study from UCLA discovered a highly-accessible solution to stop work burnout and bring rest and relaxation back into people's lives: Treating the weekend like a mini-vacation. Researchers found that participants who did a little special something over their weekend reported feeling happier by the time Monday rolled around.
While our weekend adventures might be smaller in scale than a trip abroad, they can still bring a boost of joy into our lives.
3. Stability
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Stability holds different meanings for different people. For some, the wish for stability is financial. They want a stable job, a steady paycheck, and a high enough income to not worry about making ends meet at the end of each month.
Other people hope for stability in their relationships, whether those relationships are platonic, romantic, or familial. They want to replace whatever conflict or tension exists with a greater sense of harmony in their interactions with the people they care about.
We can't control the curve balls that are inevitably thrown our way. All we can control are our reactions and responses. Holding onto the understanding that nothing is permanent, even the harder parts of being human, can help us find a sense of stability within ourselves, no matter how much turmoil surrounds us.
4. Connection
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Humans are inherently social, and as we scroll through our phones and plug kids into electronic devices, we're losing touch with the very essence of what makes us, us. Loneliness is part of the fabric of our existence, and solitude isn't always such a bad thing, but an overall lack of connection can cause serious harm, both physically and psychologically.
Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychology and neuroscience professor, conducted a series of studies on the effects of social isolation. Throughout her research, she found that loneliness is associated with a 26% increase in risk of early mortality. Social isolation creates a 29% increased risk and living alone has a 32% risk.
Dr. Holt-Lunstad also looked into the protective measures of being in community with others and found that social connectedness increases the odds of survival by 50%. Her next step was to determine how to promote social connection. She conducted a research project with 4,500 participants across the U.S., the UK, and Australia, assigning half the participants to complete a "Kind Challenge" while the other half acted as a control group.
Participants involved in the Kind Challenge were required to perform small acts of kindness for their neighbors, and Dr. Holt-Lunstad found that "The results were striking." She concluded, "Acts of kindness significantly reduced loneliness, stress, and conflict with neighbors."
Our search for connection might actually have a simple solution: Putting down our phones and talking to the people around us.
5. Mindfulness
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Mindfulness often seems like a concept that's hard to access and implement, yet studies have shown that there are a myriad of physical, emotional, and psychological benefits to cultivating mindfulness.
A 2010 study published in the Clinical Psychology Review defined mindfulness according to Jon Kabbat-Zinn's words, describing it as "paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally."
Mindfulness hinges on accepting whatever moment we're in. The study's authors noted that "Acceptance in this context refers to the ability to experience events fully, without resorting to either extreme of excessive preoccupation with, or suppression of, the experience."
Essentially, mindfulness is acknowledging the good and bad, without assigning any value judgment to either. Mindfulness is proven to boost our positive emotions, reduce our stress levels, and can even help combat depression and anxiety.
Practicing mindfulness can be as involved as meditating daily, or as simple as noticing each sip of coffee you take in the morning, while listening to the sounds of the environment you're in.
6. Purpose
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Another part of being human is our desire to ascribe meaning to our lives. While not everyone would describe themselves as driven or ambitious, we all have unique motivations and inspirations.
Some people find their purpose through their jobs. Others see their professions as a way to support themselves financially, and dedicate their passion to their lives outside the workplace.
It's entirely common to feel adrift, like you haven't quite figured out what makes you feel fulfilled.
Take time to consider what your core values are. Ask yourself how you can align your daily existence with those values, and you'll likely find a renewed sense of purpose.
7. Free time
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We have limited time in our lives, and it often feels like the days and weeks slip by while we're functioning on autopilot. While routines are a grounding force, it's easy to get stuck in stagnant patterns: Wake up, work, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat.
Carving out time for ourselves might seem like a luxury, but it's an essential part of true, restorative self-care that goes beyond facials and bubble baths. Setting aside moments in the day to focus on what makes us feel good can help us reclaim our lives and reset ourselves, so we feel more fulfilled, rested, and at ease.
8. Gratitude
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Much like mindfulness, gratitude is an idea that's settled into our collective consciousness, yet its underlying meaning can sometimes get diluted.
At its core, practicing gratitude involves acknowledging the positive, resonant, meaningful parts of your life. When we're feeling low, it can be hard to locate and express gratitude. Yet studies have shown an association between higher levels of gratitude and lower levels of depression.
Committing to a gratitude practice, even if it's only for 15 minutes a day, can relieve stress and anxiety, improve our sleep, and promote a lasting shift in how we perceive the world and our place in it.
9. Balance
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Balance is another element of life that many people are striving for, yet don't know how to reach.
Whether you're looking for a job with solid work-life balance, more balance in how your relationships operate, or more balance in your overall perspective, taking a step back and assessing what's important to you is a tangible approach to help you find what you're missing.
Although complete and total balance might not be readily available, implementing small changes can help you feel more settled and increase your sense of calm.
10. Fun
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As we grow older, we tend to leave crucial parts of our childhood behind, including our tendency to have fun, just for fun's sake.
For kids, play is a powerful force of emotional, cognitive, and physical development. Play teaches them how to have empathy and compassion, both for others and for themselves. It promotes their ability to focus and learn new concepts. Play is a huge part of what it means to be human, yet by the time we enter adulthood, most of us have left it behind.
Catherine Price, author of the book "The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again," defines fun according to three things: playfulness, flow, and connection. In an interview with NPR, Price shared her approach to those essential aspects of fun with the acronym SPARK, which stands for making space, pursuing passions, attracting fun, rebellion, and keeping at it.
Like any practice, it can take time to grow accustomed to letting yourself play, without any return on investment besides your sense of joy. Releasing any overarching need for perfection as you try new activities can smooth the transition and boost your sense of wonder and awe.
11. Self-acceptance
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It's entirely possible that learning to love ourselves is our life's work. Everyone of us is flawed. We're built of messy incongruities and seemingly disparate traits, and those are the exact things that make us inherently lovable, just by virtue of being alive on this earth.
Locating our self-esteem requires us to reach for radical acceptance, and sometimes, we'll fail. Yet the more we remind ourselves that we hold value for being exactly who we are, the closer we'll come to inhabiting our most authentic selves.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.