12 Extra Things On A Mom’s December To-Do List That Contribute To The Most Exhausting Mental Load Of The Year
The mental load is always hard for moms, but it's even worse around the holidays.
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock Moms always have to be at the top of their game, but there’s something about the holiday season that makes this even more important — and, by extension, more difficult. This is known as the mental load.
According to UCLA Health, “Mental load typically refers to the behind-the-scenes, cognitive and emotional work needed to manage a household.”
The mental load is a constant companion for moms, who are typically responsible for most household duties. During the holidays, this becomes even more pronounced as they try to keep up with the demands of planning and organizing celebrations for their families.
Dr. Colleen Reichmann is the founder of Wildflower Therapy, a group that specializes in “maternal mental health care.” She understands the mental load moms are under all too well. Recently, she shared several additional things in an Instagram post that must be completed each December, which makes it absolutely exhausting.
Here are 12 things mothers have on their December to-do lists that contribute to the most intense month of emotional labor during the year:
1. Buying and wrapping gifts
A Statista survey showed that the majority of parents, 22%, planned on spending between $50 and $100 on each child for Christmas. And that’s just for kids — it doesn’t include spouses, extended family, friends, teachers, bosses, and all the other people that moms shop for.
Purchasing that many gifts takes a financial toll, to be sure, but it can take an even bigger emotional one as the needed amount adds up. Gifts must be personalized to each recipient, and all must be wrapped and distributed accordingly. That would add to anyone’s mental load.
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2. Planning what to do during winter break
While winter break varies by location and school, most give about two weeks off. (For example, California students will be off from December 23 to January 3.) That’s two weeks of time normally filled with school that moms are now expected to plan themselves.
While some winter break activities are traditions, like what a family does for Christmas and New Year’s Eve, the rest of the time can feel like it stretches on forever as moms attempt to keep their kids occupied.
3. Decorating
Tis the season for decorating, of course! Rocket Homes estimated that about 43% of people will spend up to $100 on Christmas decorations this year. While that’s another hit to wallets everywhere, it also means even more shopping to do on top of all of those gifts.
Even if you didn’t purchase any new decorations and just stuck with what you have, it could still take hours, or even days, to decorate a whole house properly. And, of course, your kids will want to help but sometimes pose more of a hindrance.
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4. Sending cards
The dreaded holiday tradition of sending cards still lives on despite the sharp drop in snail mail over the years. According to Hallmark, around 1.3 billion Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. every year, and someone has to get them ready. That task, like most things, usually falls to moms.
Depending on what you prefer to send, Christmas cards can be a big undertaking. Sometimes, they require family photoshoots or typed-up letters filled with news of the year. Even a quick note with your family’s name signed still takes up a considerable amount of time when you add it all up.
5. Bringing something to the classroom party
Almost all classrooms host a holiday party before the school year pauses for winter break. Parents are expected to bring the necessary treats and supplies, and by “parents,” they usually mean moms.
This requires work as there may be a mom in charge of the classroom who coordinates the party and gives out assignments on what to bring or takes sign-ups. It’s a real effort for all moms of students to work together to make it a fun day for their kids. Unfortunately, not much fun is had by the moms.
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6. Coordinating travel and time with loved ones
The holidays are a time to be with family. Often, this means traveling to see extended family members.
AAA expects over 115 million Americans to travel around Christmastime. As anyone who has traveled before knows, it’s a lot of hard work to plan a trip, whether it’s by ground or air.
Complicating things even further is the fact that this is no ordinary trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s. As other family members are traveling for the holiday too, plans must be coordinated with them so everyone ends up together in the same place. In addition to the planning, the actual travel with young children can be nothing short of a nightmare.
7. Stocking up on medication
As Dr. Reichmann pointed out, “December also happens to be peak cold and flu season.” The CDC confirmed that “flu activity peaks between December and February.” Kids will be out of school for part of the month, exposing them to less germs than they usually would be. However, the travel and visiting family that takes place pretty much makes up for that.
Taking care of sick kids is not fun, especially since it means you could likely get sick yourself. This means even more time spent at the store to buy over-the-counter medicines you’ll need to get through the season or even trips to the pharmacy for prescriptions.
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8. Baking
The holidays are a time for enjoying delicious treats, and someone has to bake them. Unsurprisingly, this traditional task usually falls on moms. Families of all ages want the very best cookies, pies, and cakes and expect them to be homemade.
Kaiser Permanente did note that baking can be a way to “de-stress,” and when done with loved ones, could even be fun. But when it is more of an obligation that is on a deadline, it just adds to the anxiety and fatigue of the season.
9. Ensuring everyone’s winter clothes fit
Kids grow fast, and it seems like they need a new wardrobe every season. December is a peak time for this because you’re also attending more events and activities than usual, making more formal wear important.
Going through your kids’ closets and making sure they have just what they need is a timely task. Plus, focusing so much on your kids’ clothes means you may let your own slip through the cracks.
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10. Preparing children for holiday shows and other events
Time Magazine reported that December includes a total of 11 holidays. Even though most don’t observe every one of them, that’s still a lot of time to spend celebrating. Many of those holidays come with special events like plays, pageants, and recitals.
Helping kids learn songs and short speaking parts is just part of the job for moms. Children depend on their moms to get them ready for whatever special events they’re participating in during the month of December, which just adds to the mental load.
11. Helping children with crafts and similar projects
Most kids always have to be doing something. With time spent away from school on winter break combined with excitement for the holidays, it’s only natural that they would want to work on arts and crafts projects during December.
But, as children aren’t fully independent yet, they need help with these things. At the very least, a supervising eye is necessary to make sure the craft doesn’t spill over onto any furniture. This just takes up more time, something moms never seem to have enough of, and could no doubt be spent doing something more productive.
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12. Organizing childcare
While spending time with loved ones during the holidays is a treat, most adults also have to work and often attend holiday parties they can’t take their kids to. With two whole weeks out of school for winter break, that’s a lot of time to cover.
Care.com said that babysitters are typically paid an average of $19.47 an hour. That’s a whole lot of money to hand over for the time you’re at work or other functions. And, of course, it all adds to the mental load as well.
December is not an easy time for moms.
While moms have one of the hardest jobs in the world every single day, some things make it even more challenging. The holiday season is one of those things.
To make things easier, Dr. Reichmann said that “dads and non-default parents need to step in.” If everyone worked to make the season jolly, it would be a lot easier for moms.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.