12 Things That Happen To Adults Who Were Known As Goody Two Shoes Growing Up
When you grow up yearning to fit into a perfect mold, a need for external validation follows you into adulthood.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com Typically characterized by someone with a strong moral compass, motivation to succeed, and disapproval of others who don’t follow similarly strict paths to success, a child who's considered a “goody two shoes” often gets a bad rap by other kids for their perceived rigidity.
The intellect and commitment to success they possess have a number of positive effects on adults who grew up as a goody two shoes, including high levels of motivation and strong boundaries. However, there are a number of other things that happen to adults who were known as a good two shoes growing up that may sometimes sabotage their ability to connect with others and look out for their own emotional well-being.
Here are 12 things that happen to adults who were known as a goody two shoes growing up
1. They struggle with spontaneity
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Taught to follow rules and seek achievement, many high-achievers in childhood struggle with spontaneity and impulsivity in adulthood, still motivated by the external praise and control that comes with a strict routine.
Of course, a traditional goody two shoes, motivated by success and achievement, even feels uncomfortable with spontaneous thought and the experience of being perceived as “off task,” a study published in the Nature Mental Health journal explains.
2. They feel burdened with responsibility
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In social situations and conflicts, many high-achieving kids and former goody two shoes grow into adults who struggle with the burden of being “the responsible one.”
Taking on the role of the planner in academic settings and oftentimes in their family dynamics and other social situations, they feel drawn towards leadership, sometimes at the expense of their own well-being.
As their responsibilities and stress follow them into adulthood as they take on this role in various aspects of their lives — from personal relationships to the workplace — it can make for an overwhelming struggle to balance a million different priorities and projects.
3. They fear judgment
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According to psychology expert Leon F. Seltzer, many adults who were known as goody two shoes growing struggle with conveying a false identity in their social interactions, as their authentic self is often suppressed in order to maintain a certain image and succeed in traditional institutions.
In situations where they’re made to be vulnerable and break down that image, these adults may struggle to truly connect with others, actively working to achieve validation for their curated identity, rather than their genuine one.
4. They don’t know what they want or need
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While they may be natural leaders and successful in various areas of their lives, some of the things that happen to adults who were known as goody two shoes growing up revolve around their inherent insecurity over their authentic selves, Seltzer explains.
Not only are they actively working to suppress their more “imperfect” and uncomfortable emotions, they’ve been pushed into a mold growing up — by their parents, schools, or friendships — that follows them into adulthood.
With all of these built up emotions and their image curation, these adults struggle to truly connect with themselves, unsure of how to acknowledge their personal time and needs, let alone effectively prioritize and advocate for them.
5. They seek external validation to feel worthy
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Experts from Neurolaunch state that there’s a deep yearning for acceptance and validation at the core of most people. It’s just in our human nature.
However, when people like a good two shoes child rely too heavily on external validation and praise, they give up a healthy balance, forming their unique identity and self-worth around other people’s opinions and expectations of them.
6. They hold resentment towards their parents
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Whether it’s subconscious or entirely known, many former goody two shoes struggle with their family relationships into adulthood, as they were pushed into a mold founded on perfectionism, external validation, and unrealistic expectations.
They may have only been praised when they followed strict rules or succeeded in school, reaffirming a misguided truth that they’re only worthy of attention and love when they’re achieving something.
This kind of truth negatively affects many adult children’s current relationships, putting a transactional flair on a connection that’s intended to be characterized by unconditional love, trust, and communication.
7. They people-please at their own expense
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Fueled by external validation and their intrinsic need to be a solution-oriented and problem-solving person, one of the things that happen to adults who were known as goody two shoes growing up is that they become people-pleasers.
To keep the peace in their homes, at work, and with friends, they find ways to suppress their own needs and emotions to keep everyone else happy — even if that means sacrificing their own well-being.
Psychologist Daniel S. Lobel notes that childhood trauma and toxic parental dynamics can spark this people-pleasing behavior in adult children, especially those whose boundaries were consistently crossed and their needs unmet.
In order to take control over their own life in adulthood, these people-pleasers need to spend time unpacking their repressed identity, getting to know who they really are behind the veil of achievement and validation.
8. They tend to put trust in the wrong people
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Growing up following rules under a blind obedience to authority, psychologist Seltzer states, many goody two shoes struggle to unlearn their trust in various adults based purely on societal roles or institutions.
Often getting themselves into situations where they’re consistently disappointed or mistreated, their blind trust in people can sabotage them, despite proving validating growing up.
Part of this journey towards unlearning blind trust is self-advocacy — something that a previous goody two shoes without true internal security and confidence struggles to act on.
9. They feel unfulfilled
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Frustrated with their daily lives, general confidence, and need for external validation to feel important and worthy, many people who were goody two shoes as kids feel unfulfilled in adulthood.
Without self-care, intentional alone time, and relationships that urge them to be their authentic selves, many people-pleasers feel drawn towards toxic behaviors rooted in external validation — self-soothing their uncomfortable emotions with praise from others.
10. They struggle to empathize with different values and opinions
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Drawn towards rigid rule following and a sense of right and wrong cultivated by their childhood morals and parental expectations, many of these adult children find it difficult to accept and empathize with values that oppose their own.
Considering a great deal of their identity and personhood is founded on their ability to succeed in certain situations and prioritize certain values, conversations with different demographics of people can feel disorienting — leading everyone involved to feel misunderstood and unappreciated.
11. They struggle with flexibility
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The creativity, innovation, and intellectual flexibility that experts from the University of Bradford say characterize adaptability are things that adults who were known as good two shoes growing up struggle with.
Doubtful about their ability to succeed outside of the regulations and expectations of traditional praise — and their childhood mold and identity — many of these high-achievers stay in their comfort zone to avoid unnecessary criticism and judgment.
12. They grapple with constant self-doubt
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Without external validation and praise from people in their lives, goody two shoes often have no avenues to fuel their self-esteem and self-worth. Instead, they must grapple with the uncomfortable emotions they’ve been prone to repressing to self-soothe.
Insecure about their true abilities into adulthood, influenced by less structured validation and feeling unfulfilled, these adults often rely on toxic vices and relationships that can occasionally fuel their self-esteem.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.