11 Things Gen Z Girls Were Taught Growing Up That Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong
For young women entering adulthood, there are gendered ideals and lessons that have a big impact on how they navigate the world today.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock While parenting styles and traditional expectations around raising children have certainly shifted over the last few decades, it's impossible to ignore the ways the lessons we were taught growing up continue to affect and shape our adult lives. From impacting our ability to form healthy relationships, to crafting the foundation of our self-worth and confidence, and even predicting physical health outcomes, our childhood experiences don't simply disappear when we enter adulthood.
As more Gen Zers enter the workforce and bring awareness to these once-taboo discussions of societal expectations, it's clear that there were certain things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong. By acknowledging these lessons and making an effort to appreciate the changing times, many Gen Z women today set themselves up for more empowered, confident, and enlightened adult lives.
Here are 11 things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong
1. Advocating for yourself negatively impacts success at work
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Considering many older women who became parents to Gen Z daughters grew up in a workplace where gender discrimination and stigmas encouraged them to suppress their needs and tolerate misbehavior, it's not surprising that many Gen Z women are just now unlearning this oppressive sentiment.
Gen Z's changemaking attitude in the workplace, in general — challenging traditional dress codes, language, and work-life boundaries — has also provided a chance to unlearn many of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong.
From advocating for themselves in the workplace to demanding respect and attention, in many professional environments it's no longer a requirement to fall in line with misogynistic ideals to be successful as a woman.
2. They'll change their minds about having kids
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Many young Gen Z women were taught as children that they'd "change their minds" about having kids, pressured by parents who still believed in traditional gendered expectations of getting married and starting a family. However, it's clear that this sentiment turned out to be completely wrong, especially as more Gen Z women today adopt and embrace a "child-free lifestyle."
This notion that motherhood is inevitable often pigeonholes young women into careers, life paths, and even mindsets that decenter their value as entire beings.
While it might have been uncomfortable to learn as adults, Gen Z women's pushback on traditional family standards — whether it's a personal choice or in the face of financial obstacles — has helped to illuminate their self-worth outside the view of a committed relationship like a marriage or motherhood.
3. Sacrifice is the key to financial success
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While older generations like baby boomers might have been able to realize financial comfort and freedom by giving up certain things throughout their lives, the sentiment of sacrifice is one of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong.
Not only did it keep many young girls from truly learning and understanding financial literacy, it sparked a shame-driven mentality founded on the idea that to succeed, you must sacrifice.
Especially for many Gen Zers entering adulthood today, combating rising rent costs and inflationary pricing, planning for long-term investments like purchasing a home are no longer a reality, yet they still feel the guilt that they're "not doing enough" by giving up pieces of their daily routines.
Rather than seeking out marriage for the sake of financial investments or burdening themselves with guilt, many young Gen Z adults are unlearning this sacrifice-forward mindset by investing in experiences over material goods.
Enjoying the beauty of the present moment by meeting with friends over a drink or expanding their perspective with travel, Gen Z women are learning to craft their financial futures with their own expectations and goals in mind, rather than the rigid traditionalist ones, like getting married and buying a house, that their parents may have instilled in them.
4. Quiet and shy is better than opinionated
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Many young girls are indirectly and directly taught growing up that they're defined by their appearance, which isn't entirely surprising, considering one-quarter of young girls develop depressive symptoms by the age of 14, according to a study from the University of Liverpool.
Rather than being praised for their intellect or critical thinking skills, young girls are often taught that their bodies and appearance are the most interesting things about them, whether that's through parental sentiments, rigid school dress codes, or beauty standards in the media.
This "quiet and shy" demeanor is one of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong, especially as they learn to advocate for themselves in relationships and in a still heavily male-dominated professional world.
By unlearning this sentiment, exerting themselves into complex discussions and making their opinions heard, they not only build confidence and trust in themselves — outside the lens of external validation — but assert themselves as equally intelligent and influential beings.
5. Investing in your mental health is a waste of money
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Especially as Gen Z continues to make discussions around mental health awareness more accessible, many adult women are forced to confront the ways they were urged to suppress their own emotions and tailor how they were perceived by parents and society growing up.
Even into early adulthood, young Gen Z women may have been dismissed or criticized by parents — who grew up in a time where seeking mental health treatment was stigmatized and controversial — for spending money on a therapist or wellness resources. While many had the tools to advocate for themselves and their emotional needs, others may still be unlearning the guilt and shame they felt for seeking help.
Of course, feeling pressured to ignore and suppress emotional needs is one of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong. In fact, seeking out mental health care and support can actually help to combat many of these misguided truths, helping Gen Z women to advocate for themselves, form healthier relationships, and build a sense of important self-worth.
6. It's okay to make excuses for a man's bad behavior
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According to women empowerment speaker Penny Davis, many women were taught from an early age that being submissive and inferior was the key to survival in a male-dominated society, urging them to tolerate toxic behaviors in their relationships and craft their personal identities in the lens of male acceptance and validation.
While our modern world today surely hasn't overcome its traditionalist patriarchal influences, this sentiment of submission is no longer a means for survival, but an integrated social norm that women have to challenge, overcome, and unlearn.
Whether they were indirectly taught to seek out unbalanced and toxic relationships with men from their parents, forced to adopt insecure mentalities that manifested in people-pleasing ways, or even taught the phrase "boys will be boys," making excuses for misguided male superiority is one of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong.
7. Swearing is always unattractive
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While many young Gen Z girls were taught that swearing is "unattractive" — of course, in the context of male validation and attention — recent studies, like one from 2015 published in Language Sciences, argue that it can actually be a sign of competence and intelligence.
Not only do people who have a repertoire of swear words tend to have a wider vocabulary in general, they're perceived to be more commanding, confident, and intelligent when they curse in certain settings.
While recent studies linking swearing and intelligence doesn't necessarily contextualize Gen Z girls' experience of learning this misguided truth, it certainly helps these same women today unlearn their stigma around "appropriate" language. It's okay to speak passionately about something or use swear words to help express and regulate emotions, even at the expense of a man's discomfort.
8. Modesty is the key to respect
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Gen Z women, along with many other generations of girls, were taught that "modest is hottest," but to what degree can we now acknowledge that a sentiment like that is not only dismissive, but confusing for young girls learning to accept their changing bodies?
Rather than being taught the virtue of self-empowerment and the power of confidence, Gen Z girls were taught to cover themselves up — equipped with toxic truths that respect, in places like the workplace or in relationships, was only achievable through hiding their bodies. Even in school, strict dress codes condemned Gen Z girls' bodies — from shoulders to knees — for "distracting" male classmates.
Along with standards for strict purity and physical intimacy, many of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong in the new context of our modern society — largely due to Gen Z's disapproval of traditional stereotypes — are framed in the context of male attention and approval.
As these Gen Z women grow up, embracing their intellect, individuality, and empowerment, they're forced to actively unlearn these gendered stereotypes and standards they were taught by parents and society. They can dress, speak, act, and simply "be" outside the lens of male attention, validation, or oppression.
9. Periods are shameful
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From feeling the pressure to hide their tampons at school to adopting shameful attitudes about their periods at home, many young Gen Z women were indirectly taught, both by society and sometimes their parents, that having and experiencing periods was something to be ashamed of.
Coupled with the physical pain and discomfort many young menstruators cope with for the very first time, this sentiment often contributed to a great deal of loneliness for Gen Z women early in life, at least according to a study published in the International Journal of Women's Health.
As they've grown up, especially in today's society that's starting to bring more awareness to things like menstrual product accessibility and hormone-related experiences like PCOS, Gen Z women are actively working to unlearn this shame around their menstruation cycles.
While that empowerment looks different for every person — from openly passing tampons to friends, to learning what their cycle looks like, and embracing intentionality in physically caring for themselves — it's important to acknowledge that condemning menstruation also diminishes and invalidates a menstruator's struggles and experiences.
10. Greeting people with physical touch is required
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Feeling pressured into physical touch when greeting others is one of the things Gen Z girls were taught growing up that turned out to be completely wrong. While many studies argue there are social and emotional benefits to consensual touch — like an encouraging pat on the hand from a teacher or a graze of the arm on a first date — many Gen Z women were taught to set their own comfort to the side to "appropriately" interact with strangers and peers.
Especially in the context of today's world, where setting and respecting boundaries has become more of an open discussion — largely due to Gen Z's collective commitment to emotional intelligence — many Gen Z women are relearning how to advocate for themselves.
Whether it's teaching their own kids that they don't have to accept a hug, setting physical expectations in their relationships, or opting for less physically affectionate greeting in the workplace, it's important that Gen Z women are equipped with the skills to say "no" and set their own boundaries, even in unsuspecting situations like the workplace or a family gathering.
11. There are flattering and unflattering styles of clothing
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While many Gen Z women grew up in a constant pursuit of "flattering clothes" — tailored to their body type, but subtly intended to make them seem smaller or skinnier — discussions around body acceptance and self-expression today have called attention to the toxic nature of this sentiment.
While social media has contributed to similarly toxic beauty standards in its own right, it's also given Gen Z users a chance to embrace and discuss body acceptance for the first time.
From celebrating body inclusivity, to making space for a wider demographic of female influencers, to opening up conversations about the toxicity of the "unflattering clothes" idea, many young women are learning to prioritize their own personal self-expression over appeasing a traditional standard of beauty.
Even a 2010 study on body image explains that constant scrutiny of their physical appearance is a common experience for many young women, especially alongside thinness ideals sparked by seeking "flattering clothes."
Of course, these ideas misguidedly linking beauty with weight or thinness are still apparent in our society today, but many adult Gen Z women have collectively acknowledged how harmful they can be — both online and in their daily lives.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
