10 Things Every Person Needs To Do On Their Own First So They Don't Settle For A Bad Relationship
Before you give your heart away, make sure you've done these things for yourself.
Mohammad Amin | Unsplash In certain life events, you will have to face being alone a lot more. For many people, that is an almost unbearable thought and as a result, they make extremely poor decisions in their lives. What I quickly discovered is that if I put effort into it, I could enjoy my alone time.
I also became much smarter about who I chose to have a relationship with. When you hate being alone, it’s easy to choose to enter a bad relationship because you feel any relationship is better than something you hate and scares you. But if you love being alone, that potential new relationship has to be better than something you love — or you’ll just pass on it.
Here are things every person needs to do on their own first so they don't settle for a bad relationship:
1. Get in shape
Good health is a fundamental key to happiness. Now that you have more free time and will spend less time caring for another, start eating right, exercising, and improving your physical condition. When you feel good about your health and body, your self-esteem improves and you’ll surely be happier.
2. Do something you always wanted to do and haven’t
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When you are alone, you can pretty much do what you want when you want it. Go skydiving, go watch a rocket launch, take up dance, learn a new language, etc. This is your chance to fulfill some missed dreams.
According to 2011 research, pursuing personal goals and experiences before settling into a relationship can be beneficial, potentially leading to a more fulfilling and secure relationship later. Individuals who have a strong sense of self and identity, having explored their passions and interests, may be better equipped to navigate the complexities of a relationship.
3. Travel
I thought I would hate traveling alone, but it’s fantastic. I go where I want, how I want, and stay where I want. I eat when and where I want and take as many pictures as I want without anyone getting annoyed. And when you travel alone, your focus is on seeing the sites, feeling the experiences and you do get to meet a lot of new and interesting people.
4. Express yourself creatively
Write, paint, do photography, build something, decorate your apartment, etc. There is nothing more cathartic than opening up and finding your voice in creative expression. In my case, I took up writing and became a writer for several well-known publications and I have a book coming out in a few months. It was a huge relief for me to be able to tell my story and share my experiences.
Expressing oneself authentically allows individuals to build deeper connections and avoid long-term resentment from suppressing true feelings. A 2022 study explained that authenticity leads to greater relationship satisfaction and a stronger sense of self.
5. Make your house a home
Whether you have a house or apartment, live in a mobile home, or are on a boat, make this area your castle. The wonderful aspect of living alone is that I can decorate, furnish, and run my home (in cool temperatures!) exactly as I like. It makes my home feel like home — a sweet home.
6. Eat out for happiness
Eat out in a way that will make you happy. Sitting alone at a fancy restaurant is only fun for food critics. I grab meals to go (or cook for myself) and find fantastic places to sit and eat and watch something interesting. In warmer weather, there’s nothing better than enjoying a healthy meal and watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset.
A 2021 study explained that social eating, including eating out, can contribute to happiness and stronger social connections, potentially benefiting individuals before settling into a relationship. Sharing meals, especially in social settings, is linked to increased life satisfaction, happiness, and a sense of well-being. Eating out can also be a way to build and maintain social bonds, particularly before forming a close relationship.
7. Network
A favorite saying of mine is if you are not networking you are not working. Go to events of all kinds, especially networking events. It’s the best place to meet new people, find business and job opportunities, and learn about what is going on. I rarely walk away from such an event without something positive.
8. Socialize
When out and about engage other people. Put down your cell phone and at least once per day turn to someone nearby and ask them how their day is going or ask them if they have heard anything new they’d like to share. You will find the act of engaging another human uplifting for them and you.
Social networks provide opportunities to meet potential partners, offer support during relationship development, and influence relationship maintenance strategies. Furthermore, a 2015 study found that maintaining social connections outside the romantic relationship can increase satisfaction and stability.
9. Volunteer
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Helping others is the absolute best way to cure loneliness and increase happiness. Get out of your house and volunteer. Donate your time (and money) to helping others. I did very little of that while I was married.
As a single person, I got involved and now I am on the board of directors for two non-profits and it always makes me feel like I am doing something worthwhile for humanity.
10. Express gratitude
Gratitude is the number one key to finding happiness. You may be alone, but I promise you that you have much to be happy about. Write down a list of things you are grateful for, starting with, “I am alive.” My list has over 50 items on it and I try to add to it regularly — and I look at it regularly anytime I am feeling down or lonely.
I am not suggesting that being alone is the only or best way to be. Good relationships should provide significant benefits, meaningful experiences, and happiness.
Research consistently demonstrates that expressing gratitude, particularly before settling into a relationship, strengthens connections, increases satisfaction, and fosters a more resilient relationship. By acknowledging and appreciating a partner's positive qualities and actions, individuals create a positive emotional cycle that enhances the relationship and makes it more likely to thrive.
But life is going to force us to be alone at times — sometimes more than we’d like. When you learn to love being alone, you’ll find peace, happiness, and greater productivity and you will make better relationship decisions — and you’ll get to live a BIG LIFE — a life that you will love.
Matt Sweetwood is a Business Advisor, Executive Coach, author, photographer, and Keynote Speaker.
