Therapist Says Women Should Be Aware Of The Risks Of Coming Across 'Obsessively Needy'
You want to feel needed — but not needy.
Andrii Iemelyanenko | Canva Society has sent women the message that having needs makes us "too much" for men. We've been told that wanting more time with a man or needing his affection makes us clingy, needy, obsessive, and neurotic.
This simply isn't true. Just because we crave a human connection, it doesn't mean that we're going to drown a man in all of our needs! Besides, men have needs just as much as women do.
Whether you're in a new relationship or have been with your partner for a few months, this relationship advice will help you become aware of the signs you're being too needy.
Therapist says women should be aware of the risks of coming across as 'obsessively needy:'
1. You ask him things the wrong way
Men love providing. They love to hear our needs and supply them. It's just a question of how you ask and how he feels about you.
What else do men love? According to a study from Oxford University, men value intelligence and kindness in women.
If you're asking the wrong way, he will feel annoyed. If he doesn't love you and you let him treat you badly, then he will be annoyed with all your needs. Doormats don't have needs — women do.
2. You aren't clear about your needs.
There's nothing wrong with needing love, touches, tender words, more together time, and a commitment. You just have to be clear about what your needs are and not reward him if he doesn't provide.
What does not rewarding him mean? You shouldn't, for example, tell him you miss him and then not hear from him, only to start sending him loving texts when you panic two days later because he hasn't called.
Those texts are a reward for bad behavior. They send him the message, "Treat me poorly. I respond more lovingly when you do." A man doesn't want to be with a woman who comes closer with poor treatment. If he doesn't provide, you can't go to him for reassurance.
3. You don't give him time to realize his mistakes
Doing this will only give him the power and make him think it's okay to treat you like a doormat. You have to let him come to you and make good on his mistake, even if it's really tough to "sit on your hands" and wait for him.
4. You let your fear stop you from communicating what you want
This gives her a disharmonious vibe that's unattractive. She says, "I'm fine," but her actions and body language say, "I'm scared and hurt." It's confusing for a man.
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Communication is necessary in a relationship. According to NCBI, communication is the "heart" of a relationship and can support and promote relationship satisfaction. Without it, you don't have a good relationship.
It makes her seem like she's constantly dissatisfied with the relationship and that his actions are never enough for her to be truly happy.
5. You don't respect his needs
Not being clear and firm about your needs also stops you from respecting him.
For example, a "needy" woman who's afraid to be clear about her needs may hold everything inside and act overly chipper and nice, inviting the man out of places and offering to help him with things even though he's stated or implied that he wants space.
This feels weird to him and can even appear psychotic.
6. You don't stick to your boundaries
In a relationship, when asking to get your needs met, you must stick to your boundaries.
For example, you don't tell a man you need sexual exclusivity and then sleep with him anyway. You must love yourself enough to take care of your real needs, like exclusivity and male respect.
7. You confuse neediness with needing things
You want him to know that you aren't a doormat and that you have serious needs in a relationship that must be met. He will find this very attractive if you state your needs without seeming like a demanding, huffy diva or a weakling who's afraid to speak up.
If he can see that you're a sweet, fun, smart, and attractive woman who's on a path to commitment and will settle for little else, he will treat you like a goddess and never call you needy. It's that simple.
Kristina Marchant is a writer and author with a BA in psychology from Barnard College at Columbia University. She is also a relationship coach who advises women on men and healthy relationship skills.