Trauma Therapist Explains Why Blake Lively’s Message To Survivors Is Deeply ‘Troublesome’ And ‘Out Of Touch’
Was she just doing the best with the knowledge she had?
Denis Makarenko | Shutterstock The film adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s “It Ends With Us” was released last week. Directed by Justin Baldoni and starring Blake Lively, the film has opened up conversations about one of the main subjects of the story: domestic violence.
However, one therapist who specializes in trauma felt that Lively missed the mark during her press tour for the movie in a big way.
A trauma therapist felt that Blake Lively’s comments directed at domestic violence survivors were upsetting.
Maddie, a trauma therapist and licensed clinical social worker, posts videos about her area of expertise on TikTok under the username @therapy_thoughts. Maddie recently took on Blake Lively’s response to a question asked on the red carpet for the “It Ends With Us” film premiere.
In the video clip, a reporter from Deadline asked Lively to share “the message that you hope they [survivors of domestic violence] take away from it.” Lively did her best to provide an encouraging answer while also acknowledging the trauma that abuse victims have experienced.
“I think that you are so much, and not to minimize it in any way, but you are so much more than just a survivor or just a victim,” she said. “While that is a huge thing, you are a person of multitudes.”
She continued, “And what someone has done to you doesn’t define you. You define you.” At that point, Maddie stepped in to offer her own take.“ Is anyone else seeing all the press that Blake is doing for this movie and just recognizing how completely out of touch it is?” she asked.
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“As a therapist who specializes in trauma, the reason this response is just so troublesome is it just completely misses the mark on understanding what trauma does to the mind, body, and soul,” Maddie stated.
She continued, “Anyone who has experienced domestic violence, or works with individuals who have or knows someone [who] has, knows that it is not just something you can choose to not be defined by.”
Maddie did an excellent job of explaining that instead of recognizing that both the reality of trauma and understanding you are more can be simultaneously true, Lively chose to “separate them” and say it is one or the other. She also referenced a video from the press tour for “It Ends With Us,” in which Lively chose to discuss her wardrobe and how it added to her character’s development.
“And while I love the positivity, and being able to promote light and life, oftentimes trauma survivors are told to just make light of their story,” Maddie argued. “Her actions are continuing to make survivors of domestic abuse and trauma feel like their story is too heavy to even talk about.”
A lack of understanding regarding domestic violence is not Lively’s fault.
While Lively was the star of a film that featured domestic abuse as one of its central themes, that doesn’t mean she is an expert on the matter. Assuming she would be is a fallacy.
To our knowledge, Lively has never experienced any kind of domestic abuse herself. This is one thing that you truly have to live to understand.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline explained that abuse is not “simple,” and it’s not easy to support someone who is going through it. One of their suggestions for supporting survivors is “acknowledging that their situation is difficult, scary and brave of them to regain control from.”
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Surely that is what Lively, with her limited knowledge of domestic abuse, was trying to do and what anyone in a similar situation would do.
You cannot truly understand domestic violence unless you have been through it yourself. If you haven’t, then you are simply doing your best to help those who have been through it. Lively had good intentions, doing what she could to support those who need it and who will be the most affected by her new movie.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.