Therapist Explains Why Some People Are ‘Chameleons’ Whose Personalities Change Based On Who They’re With
These shapeshifters blend into their environment to avoid revealing vulnerability.
OlegRi | Shutterstock It’s natural for people to mold to the energies of those around them depending on their personalities and level of connection. This is what many of us call “matching someone’s energy,” and it’s common to have various versions of your personality with the different communities in your life.
However, there is an extreme to this behavioral pattern. One therapist described these individuals as “chameleons.”
A therapist explained why some people change their personality based on who they spend time with.
Jim Brillon, a licensed therapist, elaborated on why some people behave like chameleons, blending into whatever environment they come across.
“Why do some people act like a totally different person with other people?” a woman asked Brillon in his video.
“Totally normal to maybe show up a little bit differently depending on the people that you’re around based on the relationship,” Brillon said. “If somebody is turning into a chameleon, a shapeshifter … you really want to look at the idea of having a true self and a false self. People can take on personas where they do seem like a whole different person based on who they’re with.”
Brillon said these “personas” are adaptations that people create of themselves to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed. Similar to chameleons, these adaptations serve as a protective barrier that people use to conceal themselves and likely fit in, but nothing positive can come out of hiding your true self.
“[These adaptations] can also be a shell that you end up living within that protects anybody from noticing the real vulnerable self,” Brillon added. “And that true self for some people may be an aspect of themselves they’ve never actually met before.”
A life coach shared three ways to detect a chameleon in your relationships.
People usually resort to this chameleon behavior as a defense mechanism to keep everyone happy, so they feel safe, according to Jenny Rain, a life coach on TikTok.
“If you were raised in environments where your needs and wants were subjugated to the desires of others, you might have learned people-pleasing was the best way to survive,” Rain explained. “The most extreme form of people-pleasing behavior is literally transforming yourself like a chameleon does.”
She shared three signs someone is exhibiting chameleon behavior:
- Intractable hypervigilance toward reading the room in new situations;
- A deep awareness of the behaviors, needs, and wants of others;
- Twisting their statements to match whatever is being discussed.
Behaving like a chameleon is essentially a direct result of the fawning trauma response. These individuals likely experienced the trauma of neglecting their needs from an early age, to the point where they don’t know their true identity and instead imitate those of others.
These individuals can learn to embody their true selves by feeling present in their bodies.
While their chameleon tendencies may be innately engrained in their subconscious minds, by becoming aware of these habits and reconnecting with their bodies, these people can gradually embrace their authentic selves.
“Often the pathway to discovering your true self is actually through the body and through the sensations in the body, not necessarily thinking about it,” Brillon suggested.
Pheelings media | Shutterstock
It can be challenging to not read into social situations and overthink how to behave appropriately when you've spent most of your life molding your identity to others.
By carving out more time to cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself, engaging in self-care activities like practicing mindfulness, spending time alone, and exploring personal hobbies and interests, you can learn to feel more safe and confident within your own skin.
Recognize and accept that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. The right communities will accept you for who you are, and anyone who doesn’t is not aligned with your path.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.