Survey Finds That Shows Like 'The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives' Are Wreaking Havoc On The Mental Health Of Moms
Moms said that parenting influencers and reality shows increase their feelings of "mom guilt" and make them doubt their parenting.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock At this point, if every mom influencer got off TikTok and Instagram, social media would basically collapse. Moms are one of the key backbones of online content nowadays, and you need to look no further than Hulu's new reality show "The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives" to see that mom content has become an entire industry unto itself.
But while much of the content is meant to feel relatable and make moms feel less alone, a survey of 1,000 moms conducted by kids' sleepwear company Little Sleepies indicates it's doing the exact opposite.
Moms say 'momfluencer' social media culture is wreaking havoc on their mental health.
Like the "mommy bloggers" of the 2000s and 2010s before it, the mom-centric side of social media, sometimes known as "momfluencers" or "MomTok" (especially when talking about online moms who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), has created an entire industry of incredibly influential online moms flush with cash from brand deals.
It's easy to understand why mom content is such a force to be reckoned with — being a mom is incredibly hard, and social media is where most of us go nowadays when we want insight, commiseration, or encouragement about anything.
But from the "tradwife" trend to programs like Hulu's "Real Housewives"-style "MomTok" reality show, this online culture seems to have a real dark side — and not just the notorious drama between some of the momfluencers themselves.
Moms say online mom culture has increased their parenting anxiety and feelings of 'mom guilt.'
Many parents today are hyper-focused on parenting differently than their own parents did, whether it's breaking generational cycles, being more mindful of their kids' emotional development, or just ensuring they eat the healthiest diet possible.
But that's a LOT to keep up with, and a huge swathe of the moms Little Sleepies spoke with — all of whom have at least one child under 10 and are regular social media users — said online mom culture is making that burden much heavier.
Almost three-quarters of moms, 72.5%, said they regularly compare themselves to the moms they see in their social media feeds, and more than 40% compare their kids' development to their favorite influencers' kids — and frequently feel like they're coming up short.
A whopping 59% of moms reported feeling that they're basically failing as moms or even failing their kids by not measuring up to the moms they see online, and 36% said these feelings are so overwhelming they have had to take a break from social media altogether.
Moms also said that mom influencers and social media make them feel pressured to portray parental perfection themselves.
The impact of social media on moms is perhaps even more pronounced among those who are active in posting content online, not just consuming it. Thirty-five percent said they "feel pressured to create and share content that portrays a 'perfect' parenting style and lifestyle."
And 37% said they've felt pressure to actually change the way they parent to keep up with mom influencers, with the highest proportion trying out the "gentle parenting" method.
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Experts say gentle parenting is extremely beneficial for kids' mental and emotional development. However, the social media discourse around the method is often rife with shaming narratives about moms harming their children if they slip up even once and yell at their kids, for instance.
And, as always, moms told Little Sleepies that the pressures placed on them are orders of magnitude more than their kids' fathers face — 65% said there is more pressure to be a "perfect mom" than a "perfect dad."
Parenting, and especially mothering, is already hard enough, but the standards set for moms by influencers, even if only implicitly, are often impossible to attain, especially if you don't have the financial resources they have — or the editing skills to cut out the less appealing parts.
It's important to set boundaries for social media use — for all of us, not just moms. But it's perhaps even more important to remember that what you see in your social media feeds is only the prettiest slice of reality, and in the case of influencers, it's the slice that will best help them get another brand deal.
Give yourself the grace of not holding yourself to these impossible standards. Any mom who actually worries about her parenting is doing far better at it than she thinks she is. Don't let your feeds tell you otherwise.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.