11 Subtle Traits Of An Untrustworthy Person, According To Psychology
Their dishonesty may not be so obvious at first glance.
BearFotos | Shutterstock Trust is an essential element of all relationships, whether platonic, professional, or romantic; trust is also a foundational part of society. While research published in the Journal of Neuroscience has shown that people are hardwired to trust each other, putting trust in someone isn't always easy, especially at the start of a relationship.
The subtle traits of an untrustworthy person aren't always obvious at first, but the closer you look, the clearer a person's lack of honesty becomes. Regaining a sense of trust after it's been broken, no matter what relationship it's in, can be difficult, which is why understanding the qualities of an untrustworthy person is valuable information.
Here are 11 subtle traits of an untrustworthy person, according to psychology
1. They hide the truth
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One subtle trait of an untrustworthy person is secretiveness. It's highly likely that someone who keeps important information to themselves or hides how they feel isn't a trustworthy person.
A study in the Journal of Research in Personality noted that being vulnerable is a key element of trustworthiness. The study found that there are three parts to trusting people: trusting actions, which researchers defined as "behaviors that demonstrate a reliance on others"; trusting beliefs, which is the perception of trustworthiness; and trusting intentions, which is the willingness to show vulnerability.
When a person isn't open or honest, it's almost impossible to trust them. Someone who keeps secrets usually doesn't trust other people, and their inability to be vulnerable shows that they can't be fully trusted, either.
2. They're emotionally manipulative
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Being emotionally manipulative is another subtle trait of an untrustworthy person. In general, having high emotional intelligence is a positive part of someone's personality, as it allows them to understand how other people feel. Yet sometimes, emotional intelligence can be used to manipulate people and cause them psychological harm.
Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed psychotherapist, revealed how untrustworthy people weaponize their emotional intelligence as a method of control. She noted the connection between narcissism, sociopathy and emotional intelligence. People with those traits are skilled at "reading emotional cues from others and understanding others intuitively. Unfortunately, they are also good at manipulating and using others," Dr. Feuerman explained.
She also shared that the best way to protect yourself against emotional manipulation is to develop your own emotional intelligence, as doing so makes you more aware of how you feel, while providing you with the skills to regulate your emotions and have healthy relationships with other people.
3. They exaggerate
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An inherent part of trusting someone is believing that what they say is true. People who exaggerate tend to change details or invent stories to make themselves more attractive or appealing to people they want to impress, making them untrustworthy.
According to a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, generalized trust can be defined as holding the expectation that other people's promises or statements can be relied upon. The study noted that trustworthy people are seen as having high moral standards, which means they're honest and have positive intentions toward other people.
The study also reported that generalized trust has a major impact on interpersonal relationships. Trustworthy people have more social success than untrustworthy people, which shows that over-exaggerating to win people over actually has the opposite effect. It's hard to trust someone if you don't know whether or not they're embellishing the truth.
4. They contradict themselves
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Someone who constantly contradicts themselves is usually an untrustworthy person. Saying one thing but doing another is an indication of dishonesty and a lack of follow-through. A person who breaks promises shows that they're untrustworthy because their words and intentions don't actually match their actions.
As cognitive psychologist Anne Böckler-Raettig stated in a TEDxTalk "Trust isn't something we can just switch on. It is an inherently ongoing, interactive, and dynamic process." She explained that trust is indispensable on an individual and societal level, noting that without trust, "cooperations, interactions, [and] trust-based relationships could never happen."
Dr. Böckler-Raettig also explained that a major part of trusting people is being able to see their perspective and being able to forgive them when they've done something wrong. It's easier to trust someone if they rarely contradict themselves, but if they have an ongoing pattern of contradicting themselves, it's harder to offer them forgiveness and to continue believing in the validity of what they're saying.
5. They don't show remorse
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Making mistakes is an unavoidable part of having relationships, yet focusing on repair is crucial to keeping those relationships strong and healthy. Someone who doesn't feel guilty after they've caused harm is generally an untrustworthy person.
According to psychological research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a person's tendency to experience guilt is a strong indicator of how trustworthy they are. People who feel guilty when they've done something wrong are more likely to avoid engaging in harmful behavior, since guilt is an uncomfortable emotion to have.
Guilt is also a motivating factor for making amends and apologizing. In contrast, an untrustworthy person feels little or no guilt for any wrongdoing they've committed, which makes it unlikely that they'll try to correct their behavior in the future.
6. They don't have many long-term relationships
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A person who doesn't have many long-term relationships over the course of their lifetime is likely an untrustworthy person. Untrustworthy people often struggle to sustain relationships, since they're usually unreliable and have a tendency to not be honest, even with people they care about. Relationships require people to be vulnerable, which is a trait that untrustworthy people don't have.
Healthy relationships can't exist without trust. When a person demonstrates that they're not trustworthy, their partner won't feel safe enough to reveal their feelings or share the most authentic version of who they are.
While untrustworthy people might be able to conceal their true selves at the start of a relationship, they can't maintain that deceit for very long. Their untrustworthiness is bound to cause cracks in the foundation of their relationship, which inevitably leads to complete erosion.
7. They're self-centered
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Someone who is incredibly untrustworthy is so self-interested that they purposely disregard other people's needs. Setting boundaries and meeting your own needs are important acts of self-care, yet people who are unwilling or unable to consider how their behavior impacts others usually can't be trusted.
A 2022 study from Personality and Individual Differences has shown that trustworthy people put self-interest behind the interests of other people. This trait is especially important for people in leadership roles, as it shows that they care about what their employees need.
A trustworthy leader focuses on what they can do to improve their workers' sense of job satisfaction. They listen to feedback and incorporate it into the work environment. They're transparent about their decisions because they genuinely care about other people. An untrustworthy person can't see past their own perspective, which means they prioritize themselves over others.
8. They blame others for their mistakes
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Untrustworthy people don't accept responsibility for their mistakes, even if there's evidence that proves they are in the wrong. They blame others for things they've done wrong, which tends to alienate them from people. They're quick to find reasons that their actions aren't actually their fault, and they don't hesitate to twist facts to fit their narrative.
They have a tendency to project their feelings and behaviors onto other people. In psychological terms, defensive projection can be defined as the act of attributing one's own insecurities to other people as a self-protective measure. Admitting wrong-doing can cause deep discomfort, which is why untrustworthy people blame others for mistakes they've made.
9. They're not empathetic
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An untrustworthy person doesn't recognize or understand other people's emotions. They tend to lack of compassion for others. Their overarching sense of indifference toward how people feel makes it hard for them to hold onto connections, so they usually end up socially isolated or having very few friends.
Life and relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann shared that people who lack empathy can't be trusted to care about someone else's emotions because they're incapable of processing their own emotions. She noted that unemotional people "are fundamentally not equipped to understand what empathy means."
"If people can't understand their own feelings, it is impossible for them to understand the feelings of others," she explained. "They expect others to also ignore their feelings, pack them away, unexamined, and go on with their lives."
Bockmann concluded, "Being empathetic is a fundamental aspect of intimacy," which is one underlying reason why untrustworthy people struggle to maintain intimate relationships.
10. They overreact when faced with conflict
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Untrustworthy people tend to overreact in tense situations. They struggle to regulate their emotions, which means the intensity of their response doesn't match the conflict at hand.
When an untrustworthy person is confronted about their inconsistent or hurtful behavior, they often react with rage or explosive anger, instead of processing the situation through calm conversation. As research from the Journal of Medicine and Life suggests, by reacting with rage, they are putting themselves at risk of developing emotional or physical health issues, as well as escalating the situation to violence.
Being emotionally reactive often indicates that someone doesn't know how to handle their own feelings. Their inability to self-reflect means they don't understand the root causes of their anger or any other big, difficult feeling they display when faced with conflict.
11. They're selectively generous
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An untrustworthy person is only considerate or kind when it serves them. They show care and affection when it meets their needs, but they're quick to neglect people if there's no personal gain involved.
As the study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reported, "High-trust individuals were... seen as having better social skills and those skills can be used to pursue either selfish or selfless goals."
The study also noted that being trustworthy is "positively correlated with social success and the willingness to help others," meaning that a trustworthy person will go out of their way to offer people support, even when they have nothing to gain from doing so.
Yet a person who isn't trustworthy only extends themselves when it benefits them; otherwise, they focus on their own needs in order to get ahead.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.