9 Subtle Traits Of People Who Are Socially Awkward
You may see someone as rude or narcissistic when in truth, they're just really, really awkward.
Shutterstock / Novikov Aleksey People who are socially awkward tend to be uncomfortable in social situations, which can make them feel like they don’t know how to act in order to fit in.
Social interactions can be challenging, even for people who aren’t socially awkward. Feeling some level of social discomfort is fairly common, especially in new environments. Socially awkward people might feel ashamed about it, but there’s no reason for them to feel bad about themselves.
Everyone has unique quirks and incongruities, which is part of what makes people so interesting. There’s nothing wrong with being socially awkward, and there are even positive benefits to social awkwardness that are often overlooked!
Here are 9 subtle traits of people who are socially awkward
1. They unintentionally interrupt
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A subtle trait of people who are socially awkward is unintentional interruption during conversations with other people. Interrupting people is generally considered impolite, yet someone who is socially awkward might not even notice that they’re doing it.
They might cut people off because they get excited about the topic at hand and want to share what they think. They might struggle to find the right time to speak, so they jump in without thinking. They might have trouble interpreting social cues, which means they don’t always notice the flow of conversation, so they cut other people off before they’re done talking.
Having casual conversations is an acquired skill and something that people can get better at with practice. A big part of being a strong conversationalist isn’t actually about talking, at all: It’s about listening. Learning how to be an active listener is the best way for socially awkward people to boost their conversation confidence.
2. They overthink social interactions
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Another trait of people who are socially awkward is overthinking social interactions. People often feel socially awkward because they have social anxiety. According to the Social Anxiety Institute, social anxiety is the third most prevalent psychological disorder in the United States. They estimate that around 7% of the population has some form of social anxiety.
Having social anxiety can present itself in many different ways, yet it’s typically categorized as experiencing extreme emotional distress in social situations. People with social anxiety tend to worry intensely about what other people think of them, to the point where it can sometimes be debilitating.
While not all socially awkward people have social anxiety, they often overthink how to act when they’re around others. They might not know what to say when they’re talking to someone, so they focus excessively on the next thing they’re going to say. Their overthinking can sometimes lead them to hesitate or stumble over their words, which can make them feel even more awkward.
If someone leaves a conversation only to perseverate on what they should have said or what they meant to say, it could be because they’re socially awkward.
3. They apologize frequently
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Socially awkward people can feel uncomfortable letting themselves take up space, which means they sometimes struggle to stay calm when they’re around other people. Because they’re so nervous, they have a tendency to over-apologize. They say they’re sorry when there’s nothing to actually be sorry for in part because they’re so concerned that they might offend people or hurt someone’s feelings.
Repeatedly apologizing for things that other people would easily overlook is a subtle trait of people who are socially awkward. Sometimes, their propensity for saying they're sorry makes people feel on edge or uncomfortable, which is the opposite of what socially awkward people are aiming for.
By giving themselves permission to exist, socially awkward people can move past apologizing too much and just be themselves.
4. They come off as rude
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It’s fairly obvious when someone was raised without good manners, yet a trait of socially awkward people is giving off the impression that they’re rude even when they don’t mean to be. Their awkwardness might manifest by giving short, abrupt answers to questions, not because they don’t care, but because they just don’t know what to say. They might not read social cues well enough to know when to expand on what they’re saying, so they stop short, which can come off as impolite.
Socially awkward people are often perceived as lone wolf types, and sometimes, they get stuck in that definition of their personality. Yet social awkwardness doesn’t need to overtake the way a person sees themselves. By staying attuned to the direction of the conversations they’re a part of, they can shift the way other people interpret them.
5. They struggle with simple conversations
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Another subtle trait of people who are socially awkward is that they have a hard time engaging in simple conversations with other people. They might have trouble staying on topic when they talk to other people, straying from one point to the next, which can make others feel confused. They might not be able to tell when someone is disinterested in what they're saying, so they push forward with what they’re saying without noticing that others are bored.
Life coach Alex Mathers advises people to speak clearly and concisely and to rely on truly listening to know when people seem disengaged.
As Mathers explains, “Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues.”
6. They display nervous body language
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Socially awkward people’s anxiety can peek through in the way they hold themselves when they’re around other people. Displaying nervous body language is a subtle trait of people who are socially awkward.
They often have a hard time maintaining eye contact, which makes others think that they’re not actually paying attention. They might fidget because they don’t know what to do with their hands or stand with stiff posture and tense shoulders.
People can counteract their socially awkward body language by taking deep breaths and being aware of their stance. They can also practice keeping their arms at their sides, instead of crossed over their chest, which is a less-welcoming posture.
Personal coach Caroline Maguire says, “Feeling comfortable in your skin is to feel confident and good about who you are,” noting that it’s something that’s easier said than done.
“Being comfortable in your skin takes practice,” she explains. “It’s humbling, and it means facing your anxiety more times than you may imagine.”
Of course, socially awkward people don’t have to completely change who they are. By taking note of how they act around others, they can develop a stronger sense of self-esteem and feel more at ease with who they are.
7. They feel uncomfortable in large groups
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Socially awkward people often feel extreme discomfort when they’re surrounded by big groups of people. It can be overwhelming to be in a crowd.
Socially awkward people might notice that their awkwardness is exacerbated when they're in an especially busy environment. They usually prefer smaller social interactions, which are more easily managed. They choose to spend a fair amount of time alone or with a few of their closest friends.
They definitely tend to feel more comfortable with people they know well, which allows them to focus less on their awkward tendencies and more on who they’re with.
8. They overanalyze social etiquette
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Having a strong understanding of social etiquette depends on more than just saying “please” and “thank you.” Being polite means showing up for people, and being respectful, generous, and kind.
Socially awkward people can have a hard time interpreting the nuances of what’s socially acceptable. As a result, they overanalyze how they think they should behave around other people. They might express intense concern about following social rules, because they don’t want to seem out of place. Their obsession with etiquette can be off-putting to others. It can make them seem more uncomfortable than they actually are, because they have a hard time letting their guard down and relaxing.
They can easily get stuck in a negative feedback loop and criticize themselves harshly for making small social errors. Thinking too much about how other people form opinions on them can sometimes amplify their social awkwardness.
9. They have trouble making friends
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Making friends can be a major challenge for people who are socially awkward. Yet everyone needs connection in order to survive and thrive. Finding friends may not be an easy process, but it’s essential to people’s mental well-being and quality of life.
As relationship coach Jordan Gray explains, “Social ties are the primary predictor of happiness.”
He shares that making new friends might not be a simple process, but it gets easier with practice. Techniques for making friends include going out of your way to prioritize fun, experimenting with new hobbies, and maintaining the bonds you already have with people you care about.
“Be interested first, then be interesting,” Gray advised. “And even better than being interesting is being vulnerable.”
Socially awkward people might initially struggle to make those deeper connections, but with patience and persistence, they can break the ice and find the people who make them feel like the most authentic version of themselves.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.