10 Subtle Traits Of People Who Try Way Too Hard To Impress Everyone Around Them
They're constantly seeking external validation, even in the smallest ways.
AnnaGorbenko | Shutterstock Wanting to feel understood, validated, and appreciated by others is at the core of everyone’s humanity — it’s what bonds us, fuels our connections, and sparks shared experiences in people meeting for the first time. However, according to the mental health organization NeuroLaunch, there’s a certain level of healthy external validation that should be balanced to protect against self-esteem and communication dilemmas.
Many people seek validation from others too often, letting it encompass their entire identity and sense of self-worth in ways that manifest uncomfortably and at a detriment to healthy connections. There are subtle traits of people who try too hard to impress everyone around them that are impossible to ignore once you’ve spotted them.
Here are 10 subtle traits of people who try way too hard to impress everyone around them:
1.They try to ‘one-up’ other people’s achievements.
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We can all think of a friend or family member who uses every conversation as a way to “one-up” other people’s achievements—they’re always doing something bigger, bolder, and more worthy of validation. This inherent attention-seeking behavior in conversations isn’t just annoying; it’s also incredibly dismissive of other people’s success and can pose uncomfortable tensions in healthy relationships.
According to psychologist Mark Travers, this “one-upmanship” can manifest as both a subtle and outright means of competition, giving people who yearn for attention and external validation a chance to assert their superiority over others.
While they often feel like silly remarks or subtle behaviors, this competition can spark resentment and disconnect in relationships — the opposite kind of attention these showmen desperately seek.
2.They fish for compliments.
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Fishing for compliments is a “social game,” according to psychology expert Joachim I. Krueger, where people – who tend to be insecure and slightly selfish — seek external validation in every exchange or conversation.
People with higher social intelligence may use compliment fishing, or “humblebragging,” like a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology argues is similarly effective, to subtly achieve this validation — sometimes going utterly unnoticed by the compliment “giver.” Both trying to impress others by getting validation and fueling their insecurity, this tendency becomes more apparent when it’s acknowledged or dismissed in conversations.
3.They name drop in conversations.
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Similarly to how narcissists have an inflated sense of self and an intrinsic need for validation from others — psychological needs that people who try to impress others also have — many people will “name drop” in conversations to get attention and misguided praise.
By mentioning someone important they’ve worked with or a celebrity they saw in public, they can feed into their low self-esteem with misguided interest from others, even when their audience is generally unimpressed or uninterested.
4.They change their opinions depending on who’s around.
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While it might be less noticeable to a passing stranger, people close to those trying hard to achieve external validation may notice when their friends or family change their opinions or beliefs around different people. Sometimes, it’s a way to keep the peace in a conversation, but in others, it’s a way for them to get in good grace with someone they’re trying to impress.
According to a study from the Psychological Bulletin, many people who shapeshift to portray a particular perception of themselves are motivated by anxiety. They’re constantly thinking about impressing others or achieving a level of belonging tied to their insecurities, manifesting as a removal from their true personality and identity.
That’s part of the reason why the subtle traits of people who try way too hard to impress everyone around them are inherently toxic—they sacrifice their individuality and true empathy for validation, assert their superiority, and achieve misguided connections.
5.They play the victim.
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Self-victimization is the tendency for people to play the victim and avoid accountability, shift blame away from themselves, and seek sympathy from others, even if they’re wrong. People seeking validation may also use this tactic to misguidedly portray their successes — suggesting they worked harder to achieve something because of their victimhood than a peer.
According to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, this constant victimhood can manifest as an entirely new personality type, characterized by specific traits like a pathological need for validation, struggles with empathy, and feelings of moral superiority.
6.They subtly put others down.
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According to a study published by the Journal of Consumer Behavior, the tendency for people to use "disparaging humor,” otherwise known as putting others down, has increased in the past decade. Often used to assert superiority individually, the study’s researchers also suggest this tendency is ingrained in other parts of our culture, from marketing strategies to advertising.
If you’ve become the victim of someone else’s need to feel superior, experts like Susan Krauss Whitbourne suggest turning the situation into “a challenge” if you can’t simply shrug it off or dismiss it. By turning hurtful language or passive joke into a compliment or addressing it directly, you can protect your emotional health and set clear boundaries about the kind of respect you demand in conversation.
7.They love to talk about themselves.
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According to research published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the parts of our brains associated with motivation and validation are most stimulated when we talk about ourselves. It’s a tendency that we’re all prone to indulge, especially considering the fulfillment and pleasure we experience.
However, people who seek external validation above all else will overindulge in talking about themselves, often to the point where other people feel less space to be heard and empathized with. Whether it’s about their job, success, or personal endeavors, be wary of someone who never asks a question and demands constant attention in conversations.
8.They overdress for casual occasions.
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While it might be less definitive in pointing out someone who’s seeking validation, many people with narcissistic tendencies tend to overdress to get attention from others — even when at a casual event or gathering.
In collaboration with other subtle signals, they hope to catch extra glances from others and impress people with their style by overdressing. Even when it’s not necessarily “good” attention, they’re willing to charm and talk about themselves to win people over in productive ways for their security and self-esteem.
9.They lie about small things.
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Whether to impress someone by asserting superiority or “name drop” to get attention, many people seeking external validation will rely on dishonesty to feed into their egos. From getting a new job to going on a great date to getting a compliment in the grocery store — they don’t mind lying to get attention, even about the most minor things.
Of course, constant little white lies should be “red flags,” as research from Nature Neuroscience suggests the smallest of liars tend to rely on dishonesty more and more as their brain adapts to the harmful tendency.
10.They’re overly extroverted around other people.
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Many people driven by external validation will shapeshift around different people to get positive attention and assert their superiority over others. By being overly expressive and loud, they can demand the attention of the people around them and feed into insecurities that might make subtlety difficult.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.