12 Subtle Traits Of A Petty Person, According To Psychology
Petty people take the art of being passive-aggressive to new heights.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Dealing with a petty person can be grueling, to say the least. And whether it's a snarky coworker or a frustrated friend, pettiness is like to make just about anyone start disliking a person they thought they otherwise got along with in a blink of an eye. That said, the traits of a petty person can be so subtle you don't even realize what you're dealing with for a while.
Carla Marie, a California-based clinical psychologist, told Mic, “For those who enjoy the game of competition and ‘one-downing’ others, pettiness can be very rewarding. The dopamine centers in the brain can register that act of being petty as a rewarding and ‘to-be-repeated’ behavior." And as good as that may feel to the petty person in the moment, being on the receiving end of their behavior feels just that bad.
The 12 subtle traits of a petty person, according to psychology
1. They overreact to small mishaps
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In a difficult situation, a petty person will almost always overreact. They'll throw a tantrum or get hysterical because of a seemingly small hiccup. On the surface, this might not seem like a huge deal. Most people can name a few friends or family who constant overreacting. However, just because it's common, that doesn't mean it's not petty behavior.
By definition, being petty is to care too much about insignificant things. Furthermore, it's to do so in a way that is unkind and disrespectful.
According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespectful won't get people very far. The researchers found that disrespect can lead to more aggression in people than feeling disliked ever could.
For a petty person, keeping their emotions under control isn't easy. But by grounding themselves and taking a break from the situation, a petty person can calm down and learn to be more productive in their interactions with others.
2. They hold firm grudges over minor issues
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Most people have met that one person who can't seem to let bygones be bygones. Unfortunately, this behavior isn't helpful in the grand scheme of things. One study published in 2013 found that focusing on negative emotions without resolving them leads to a decrease in people's well-being.
Knowing this, people would think that a petty person would find ways to be a bit more forgiving. But a petty person has trouble finding forgiveness because of their stubborn nature.
As a result, it's best to leave a petty person alone if they don't want to speak with you, as constantly apologizing and 'being in the wrong' can quickly take a toll on your own mental health.
3. They engage in subtle passive-aggressive behavior
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Imagine this: someone arrives at a party looking stunning or handsome. They've spent hours getting ready and have done their utmost to hype themselves up. This person might feel confident in their appearance, but that goes down the drain when they encounter a passive-aggressive petty person.
Petty people can't stand to see someone 'better' than them. As a result, they engage in passive-aggressive behavior such as sarcasm, forgetfulness, and backhanded compliments.
Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior is usually a way to avoid diving deep into their own emotions and insecurities as, according to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, passive-aggressive behavior is used to self-protect against emotional challenges.
4. They try to one-up others
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Whether in a meeting or at a school play, a subtle trait of a petty person is their need to one-up others. They can't share the spotlight and don't like feeling second best. Because of this, they'll find ways to appear better than others or worse, tear down others.
In their mind, they don't see anything wrong with this type of behavior, but their clear lack of confidence is no joke and can have devastating impacts on their mental health. According to a 2017 study, adolescents who have higher self-esteem suffer far less from anxiety and depression than those whose self-esteem is low.
5. They have a need to always be right
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Petty people tend to be extremely stubborn. They don't like being wrong and they hate giving in to other people more than just about anything.
Unfortunately, this type of thought process is dangerous, as deflection is often a form of gaslighting, which according to the Journal of Family Violence, is a form of abuse.
There's not much you can do to push against a petty person who is stuck in the habit of always needing to be right. Whether people like it or not, their ability to see their flaws is up to them and them alone.
6. They dismiss other people's achievements
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When friends, coworkers, partners, and family members experience major success in their lives, a petty person dismisses their achievements. Not only does this make the person who should be celebrated feel badly, but feeling insecure has been linked to decreased mental health and poor quality of life, according to the National Alliance on Mental Health.
Knowing this, petty people should remember that acting out poorly and belittling others doesn't only hurt the person in question, it hurts themselves as well.
7. They obsess over their appearance
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There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good. A study published in Marketing Letters found when people perceive themselves as attractive, it makes them more likely to do things that benefit others.
However, just like anything in life, there's a need for balance. It's important to want to look and feel your best, but obsessing over it when it really isn't all that important only alienates others while making you more and more self-conscious.
8. They are quick to judge others for their choices
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Most of us can get to be a little judgmental at times. Let's face it, friends make ridiculous decisions and partners do ridiculous things. That said, a subtle trait of a petty person is that they're always quick to judge others for their choices.
Going back to the basics, everyone is their own person, and as a result, will make the best choices for themselves. These choices won't always make sense to those around them, but that's how people learn.
Petty people can't stand to see someone they love do things differently than the way they think they should do them. That judgmental energy doesn't bid well for a petty person. A 2015 study found that being less judgmental leads people to experience more positive emotions.
9. They don't take other people's concerns seriously
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There's no greater annoyance than not feeling heard by those closest to you. After all, human connection is important, and to fully connect, people need to have honest conversations. For some, this might mean discussing past grievances and for others, this might mean fessing up after telling a white lie.
According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, feeling misunderstood leads to higher cortisol levels, more stress, and lower life satisfaction. Knowing this, you might think others would take your need to be understood more seriously. Unfortunately, a subtle trait of a petty person is their inability to do just that.
Petty people are, by definition, entitled and selfish, and as a result, don't care about other people's problems. Though it might sound harsh or downright cold, as it stands, petty people don't care unless something impacts them directly.
10. They purposely exclude others
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There's no worse feeling than being alone. Human beings are social creatures who are designed to work together in groups. Despite this fact, a subtle trait of a petty person is purposely excluding others from group activities or functions.
Given that loneliness is a high predictor of depression and anxiety, excluding others sets them up for increased risk of serious mental health concerns. But in the end, all petty people care about is themselves and the grudges or jealousy they feel. As a result, those closest to them may get hurt.
11. They nitpick details
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Another subtle trait of a petty person is their habit of nitpicking details.
Here's the reality: people can't always have everything picture perfect. And whether it's a class assignment or a work project, the truth still stands that getting caught up in the details will only spell disaster.
Not only will petty people stress themselves out trying to make things 'perfect,' but they'll always stress out those around them as well. Additionally, a study published in 2020 found that constant criticisms in relationships can lead to a decrease in relationship satisfaction and increase the risk of developing depression.
Unfortunately, petty people are selfish and will do whatever it takes to get their way, even if it means making those around them miserable in the process.
12. They're obsessed over the fairness of small matters
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Finally, petty people can't help but obsess over the fairness of small matters. For instance, if someone wants to go to a seafood restaurant and they want to go to a steak restaurant, a petty person will whine and complain that it just isn't fair. And sure, there will absolutely be instances when things aren't fair and people might have to sacrifice. However, that's just the way life works and there's no changing that fact.
Despite this, a petty person will still find ways to make it fair for them. As a result, they might refuse to do take part in certain activities or keep tallies and use them against their friends and family.
Though it might come off as "just making sure things are fair," it's really a way for petty people to feel in control and to make others feel guilty.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers topics such as self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.