12 Subtle Signs Of A Person Who Takes Little Things Way Too Seriously
Being less emotionally invested in the profoundness of life is sometimes healthier than the alternative.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com While often perceived as immature or controlling behaviors, many subtle signs of a person who takes little things way too seriously are caused by subconsciously developed defense mechanisms that form with the person's own best interests in mind. Whether they act this way due to unresolved trauma manifesting as emotional defensiveness or deep insecurity, people who take themselves seriously are yearning for connection just as much as anyone else.
By learning to recognize these specific signs in the people in your life (or even yourself), you can not only take on a more gracious, forgiving, and informed perspective in your interactions, but learn how to better support them through their struggles.
Here are 12 subtle signs of a person who takes little things way too seriously
1. They struggle to accept constructive feedback
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According to the Harvard Business Review, low self-esteem, hyper-sensitivity, and a general lack of understanding with accepting constructive criticism often fuel people to take little pieces of feedback too seriously — opting for defensiveness or frustration, even in well-intentioned conversations. Especially in the workplace, peers who struggle with feedback generally miss opportunities for growth, both personally and professionally.
By reframing feedback with praise or respectful acknowledgement of their discomfort, peers, leaders, and friends can ensure they have productive conversations, even with people who struggle to accept seemingly difficult criticism and suggestions.
2. They don’t laugh off their mistakes
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Lifestyle management expert Kristen A. Carter argues that there’s power in laughing off our mistakes rather than taking ourselves and our perceived shortcomings too seriously. By reimaging our mistakes as learning opportunities, we not only savor our present moment (and mood), but create pockets of growth in our lives that lead to a healthier mindset, better relationships, and more intentional communication.
One of the subtle signs of a person who takes little things too seriously is their tendency to struggle with these perceived failures, burdening themselves with guilt, shame, and self-doubt to the point where it negatively affects their general mindset and self-esteem. If you notice this kind of self-depricating behavior or toxic mindset in your loved ones, support them through these challenging emotional experiences and lead by example when you make mistakes of your own.
3. They resort to anger during arguments
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People who tend to resort to anger in arguments or during conflict tend to bubble up with uncomfortable emotions as a result of repressing their feelings in other avenues of their life. While it might seem like these people are taking little things way too seriously — offended at a passing comment or angry at a triggering gesture — they’re simply yearning for an emotional release of their pent up aggression or uncomfortable feelings.
Especially for men, who tend to have an overwhelming societal pressure to maintain a kind of masculinity that doesn’t include vulnerability, being able to stay emotionally present rather than resorting quickly to anger or defensiveness can be a challenge. Every comment or piece of constructive feedback at work or in their relationships is perceived as a direct attack, making passing conversations a perfect venue for unnecessary conflict.
4. They get defensive easily
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According to the Anchor Light Collective, defensiveness is often a knee-jerk reaction to discomfort in people with unresolved trauma or fears of abandonment, rejection, or being wrong. They may take a passing comment way too seriously, offended or uncomfortable with their fear of being misunderstood or forgotten.
While it can be frustrating for the people in their lives, the foundation of their struggle lies in their desire to make connections and feel supported — even with their perceived flaws, low self-esteem, and lingering trauma. Don’t avoid discussion or the small uncomfortable emotions with these people in your life, embrace them — find ways to bring back subtle moments of connection and love in supportive ways.
5. They stick to their comfort zone
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Being uncomfortable isn’t a lovely experience for anyone, especially those who haven’t been taught about embracing discomfort for growth early in their lives. Learning this skill of embracing these moments is extremely difficult in adulthood, especially for people who take the little things way too seriously and speak negatively of themselves in the face of their perceived failures.
Despite Harvard studies that reveal the benefits of leaving your comfort zone — from boosts in self-confidence to resilience — many people who take things too seriously struggle with embracing the uncomfortable growth associated with challenge and accepting mistakes.
6. They constantly complain
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Founder of the International Journal of Applied Philosophy, Elliot D. Cohen, PhD, explained that people who constantly complain, about work, their relationships, and even themselves, tend to ruminate on negative thoughts more than the average person. Without the emotional intelligence to validate their own struggles and reassure their anxieties, they rely on the release of complaining to seek validation and attention from others.
For loved ones and peers in these individuals' lives, calling out their constant complaints isn’t always productive, but modeling example behavior of emotional validation and setting clear boundaries around your conversations can motivate them to shift their mindsets in ways that are productive for everyone.
7. They hyperfocus on negativity
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Experts from CHADD suggest that a negativity bias, or a tendency for someone to hyperfixate on negativity in their daily life, can actually be a subtle sign of ADHD. Their hyperactivity and impulse control often lead them to overthinking the small things — driving them into an isolating cycle of negative self-talk and a generally negative mindset.
So, while it might seem controllable from an outside perspective, not everyone who takes little things way too seriously is intentionally critical or negative, they may just struggle with a tendency towards overthinking, anxious thoughts, and self-critique.
8. They’re perfectionists
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Confidence coach Archanaa Shyam argues there are two main consequences for people who struggle with perfectionism and taking little things too seriously: an inability to take constructive feedback and a general anxiety about constantly achieving. When we’re always focused on the next, bigger, better achievement in our lives, we’re less present in the moment — sabotaging our ability to maintain healthy connections and conversations.
Every interaction, perceived failure, and passing moment in a perfectionist’s life is riddled with anxiety. They never feel like they’re doing enough. Especially when their success is integrated with their need for external validation and praise, this toxic cycle of hyperactivity and perfectionism can spiral with negative emotional and social consequences.
9. They don’t ask for help or advice
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Also prone to protecting their misguided superiority and positive image, people who tend to take small things in their life too seriously often forgo asking for help, even in situations where it’d benefit them. Despite studies, including one published in the journal Management Science, that suggest that people who ask for help are often perceived as more competent, they choose to face life’s struggles — and their added layers of negativity — by themselves.
Whether it’s low self-esteem or an inherent sense of competitiveness that motivates them, not asking for help is often one of the subtle signs of a person who takes little things way too seriously in an attempt to build up their ego or seek praise from others.
10. They struggle with their humor
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Sometimes inappropriately misplaced and misunderstood, a person who tends towards overthinking and taking little things too seriously often also struggles with their humor in passing conversations. Constantly anxious or stressed, they struggle to separate their defensiveness with a more lighthearted mindset, even in conversations with their loved ones.
While some people use their humor as a coping mechanism, these kinds of people instead use their negativity and detached mindset to cope with discomfort and conflict, isolating them from the bonding moments of a positive and well-intentioned joke.
11. They have difficulty accepting compliments
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Compliments, even from close friends and family, tend to be uncomfortable for people with low self-esteem — one of the subtle signs of a person who takes little things way too seriously — because they challenge their own misguided views about themselves. Making them feel indirectly misunderstood in their own anxiously avoidant relationship with themselves, they steer clear of accepting compliments and accepting positive attention directly towards themselves.
12. They’re insecure
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Low self-esteem often sparks a spiral of intense overthinking, negative thoughts, and isolation in people with a tendency to take little things too seriously. From interacting with strangers, to navigating connections at work, and getting comfortable with themselves in their alone time, they’re riddled with the constant underlying anxiety of poor self-esteem and confidence.
While it might feel like they’re overcompensating or “trying too hard” by taking little things in life seriously, these insecure people are simply seeking validation and an avenue for praise that they’re not receiving by themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.