8 Subtle Behaviors Of People Who Are Exhausting To Be Around, According To Psychology
People who do these things have their own special way of completely draining others.
Shutterstock / nikkimeel According to psychology, there are subtle behaviors that people who are exhausting to be around typically display. While these types of behavior aren't always a problem in isolation, when faced with a combination of them on a regular basis they all have the same impact — they drive others away instantly or wear them down.
This gets problematic for both parties. The person who is faced with them is emotionally drained, and the person who does these things may end up isolated and confused as to why.
If you want to keep your relationships in tact and doing several of these things sounds familiar, it's important to take action and make changes in how you behave around others as soon as possible.
Here are 8 subtle behaviors of people who are exhausting to be around, according to psychology
1. They make everything about themselves
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People who are exhausting to be around often make everything about themselves.
At a party, they have to be the center of attention and the main person talked about. This explains why they interrupt conversations and do their best to outshine others. In an excited voice, they'll tell people the most outrageous stories, hoping to garner attention and a couple of laughs.
Unfortunately, this type of behavior can quickly turn exhausting if they're not careful. People will eventually tire of their constant chatter, prompting them to distance themselves as much as possible.
2. They talk negatively about other people
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People who are exhausting to be around don't know how to keep things positive when talking about others. When they're with others they can't help but delve into the latest scandal cycling through Instagram. In their eyes, this is just another way to bond and stay connected, so they'll eagerly take out their phone and show 'receipts' or talk smack about their close loved ones.
Unfortunately, this constant negativity is bound to get old at some point. People will grow tired of hearing negative comments all day and will slowly begin to distance themselves. Which in turn, will lead to a bucket load of loneliness.
Research from the Center for Cognitive Neurology, New York University Grossman School of Medicine found that feeling alone leads to an increase in dementia. Not only that, but a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America found that social rejection (which leads to loneliness) is just as painful as physical pain.
This showcases just how important social connections are and why people should think twice before uttering things that could ruin their relationships.
3. They play the victim
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Another behavior that makes people exhausting to be around is those who play the victim.
People who can't take accountability exhaust others for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps the biggest is their inability to see fault within their own actions.
For most, this lack of self-awareness is a major downfall that will send people inching away, and rightfully so. Though it sometimes might not seem like a big deal, manipulation can lead to isolation, financial dependence, and constant berating.
4. They can’t stop complaining
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Two people decided to go to a coffee shop together to wind down after a long day. As they grab their drinks and sit down to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere, someone begins to complain.
They may say something like, "This isn't even that good and the seats are uncomfortable." They'll whine about their life and how hard they have it. Throughout their outing, pretty much all of the comments coming out of their mouth are filled with negativity and dissatisfaction.
Due to their behavior, it's safe to say that this person won't be invited to out again anytime soon. Their constant negativity weighs down on others and makes them feel tense and uncomfortable.
William Berry, LMHC., CAP., explains that complaining can drive people apart. Generally, people need balance in their lives and this includes surrounding themselves with balanced individuals.
5. They don’t respect boundaries
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Another subtle behavior of people who are exhausting to be around is refusing to respect boundaries.
These types of people will cling to others and get into their personal space with zero consideration. Furthermore, they won't respect their need for privacy, leading the other person to feel disrespected and unheard.
A lack of boundaries can lead to complete burnout and can worsen conflict. In fact, one study found that a lack of feeling heard is the strongest predictor of conflict in relationships.
This doesn't only apply to romantic relationships. In general, people who feel heard and understood will become less defensive, which allows for better communication.
Listening to others and respecting their boundaries is essential. Failing to do this can lead to an increase in tension, resentment, and exhaustion.
6. They’re overdramatic
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Nobody likes a drama queen. These types of people lack self-awareness and are exhausting to be around. They drain the energy from others as the people around them are forced to cater to their every need.
To not upset them, people will tiptoe around them and keep their opinions to a minimum. This isn't healthy, as a lack of emotional expression leads to a build-up of resentment.
In relationships, resentment is a leading cause of relationships ending.
7. They don't keep their promises
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People who are exhausting to be around don't keep their promises. They'll smile at their friends and promise that they'll help them. Then weeks later when it's time to help they'll text, "Oops I fell asleep, sorry."
This isn't just disrespectful to the other person though. Rather, this type of behavior is a complete betrayal of trust.
If you want to keep your relationships alive and well, you should do their best to not make promises you can't keep. Otherwise, others will slowly distance themselves to avoid being let down yet again.
8. They’re indecisive
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Finally, people who are exhausting to be around are indecisive. When invited out to lunch they'll spend twenty minutes changing their mind about what they should get. Panicking, they'll ask their friends a million times, "What do you think? I'm not sure."
This type of behavior isn't just frustrating but it's draining as constantly having to make decisions for others can leave people feeling burdened. Moreover, needing to reassure someone that their decision was fine leads to a load of annoyance as the entire conversation goes from catching up to becoming a therapy session.
This isn't fun for anyone involved, as their back-and-forth negative energy will leave both parties feeling stressed out and more confused than when they started.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.