Study Reveals A Sad Thing Happens To People Who Consider Their Partner Their Best Friend
It's proof that you should have friends outside of your partner.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock It's not abnormal to consider your significant other your friend as well. Considering you spend so much time together, have integrated your personal lives with one another, and confide in each other, it's only natural that a deep friendship would form alongside the romantic connection. However, your significant other shouldn't be a replacement for having actual friends and a social circle.
Colorado State University researchers wanted to find out if there was a difference between partners who were tied together as best friends and those who separated their friends from their partner. They determined that a common thing happened to people who were left without a support system outside of their significant other.
A study found that people who consider their partner their best friend don't have a strong support system outside of their relationship.
According to the study, only 14.4% of partnered U.S. adults call their romantic partner a best friend. This choice was linked with more companionship but less perceived social support than keeping a separate friend.
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The study, "What's in a label? Exploring the intersection of relationships with best friends and romantic partners with well-being," published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, surveyed couples to determine how classifying a partner as a best friend related to the quality of the relationship and the overall well-being of the people involved.
Researchers asked 940 adults in the U.S., all of whom were in a romantic relationship and identified at least one best friend, and found that those who reported their partner to be their best friend had lower social support from non-partner friends.
“This finding makes sense,” Joseph Laino, a psychologist and assistant director at Sunset Terrace Family Health Center at NYU Langone, who was not a part of the study, told HuffPost. “If you identify your romantic partner as your best friend, then your social circle is likely smaller than if you also have a best friend outside of your primary romantic relationship. With a best friend outside of your romantic relationship, you invest time and energy in your relationship with your best friend, not only with your romantic partner.”
Participants in the study were assessed on their relationship quality and well-being.
Couples were assessed through measures of emotional closeness, routine interaction, companionship, perceived social support, stress, and loneliness. Respondents listed up to 7 friends, labeling each as a "friend," "best friend," "romantic partner," or a combination. Only 36.4% of respondents included their partner among named friends, while 14.4% labeled that partner a best friend.
Participants who named their partner a best friend reported higher companionship but lower social support from non-partner friends. Basically, that means they have fewer friends, and the friendships they do have outside their relationship aren't that close.
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The problem with a limited support system outside of your relationship is that it can have a major impact on your overall happiness and well-being. As HuffPost noted, data from the Pew Research Center found that 61% of Americans consider close friendships “very” or “extremely” important for a fulfilling life. Guess how many people said that marriage is very or extremely important? Only 23 percent. In a nutshell, as humans, we need a social circle to have a long and happy life. We thrive with friends, it's as simple as that.
Having a partner as a best friend isn't a bad thing as long as you continue to foster friendships outside your relationship.
The study found that best-friend partners scored higher on emotional closeness than non-partner best friends, which is awesome. The issue is that you need both for a truly fulfilled life. That's why it's so important, if your partner is your bestie, to also nurture your friendships outside your relationship.
Laino noted to HuffPost, “It’s not a bad thing to romantically partner with the person you consider your ‘best friend. It may provide you with a greater sense of companionship, greater fulfillment through the shared activities that you both enjoy, and a sense of security in the relationship.”
Your partner simply cannot be your only friend. Not only could it lead to co-dependency issues, but you should also just have your own identity outside of being someone's partner. Friends are there for you when you're having problems with your significant other, or when you just want a break from them. Friends are there in the event the relationship ends as well.
They provide a fresh perspective on your life, help you stay level-headed, and are there to remind you of who you are outside of the relationship. Relying solely on your partner to fill the gaps of outside friendships places a heavy burden on the relationship as well.
At the end of the day, a rich life means having friends, and it doesn't need to be a whole group. It's not because your partner isn't enough, but because you are simply more than your significant other.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
