Steal These 9 Hacks If You Want To Become More Mysterious & Alluring
Mystery can bring you immense power.
cocoparisienne | Canva Sun Tzu famously said, “Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.”
People deeply crave the inexplicable and mysterious. They want to understand hence why enigmas are so magnetic. When you’re mysterious, people are attracted to you. They want to know more. They try their absolute best to “figure you out.” Their inability to figure you out and their desire to do so keeps you at the top of their minds and makes you magnetic.
People are attracted to those who seem mysterious. It’s better to cultivate an air of mystery if you want people to gravitate to you naturally. Be vague about what you’re doing or what you plan to do. Keep your cards close to your chest to create anticipation within others. People will pay attention when you’re unpredictable. You can even use your mystery to enthrall, deceive, and intimidate. That said, you can become more mysterious and alluring.
Here are 9 hacks to steal if you want to become more mysterious and alluring:
1. Always stay calm
The Stoics define calmness as strength. We see this In the Meditations, where Marcus Aurelius writes, “The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength." When you’re calm, you’re in control.
To outsiders looking in, it demonstrates competence and a sense of self-assuredness. Since most people lack this trait, it sparks curiosity. They wonder how you can be so relaxed when you have every reason to go berserk. This is likely why Marcus Aurelius further emphasized that stoics should "Stay calm and serene regardless of what life throws at you."
People naturally gravitate toward those who can stay calm in chaotic situations. They want to feel the same sense of calm, and their best bet is to get closer to you to crack the code of what you may know that they don’t. They want to understand why you’re able to be so calm. This thought creates a sense of mystery and keeps you in their mind.
2. Only speak when necessary
Niklas Göke once said, “The more you talk, the more likely you are to say something stupid.” This is because you reduce the time you give yourself to think through your words when you say too much. If you’re not thinking about what you’re saying, the value of what you say reduces This kills the mystery.
Think about it… Always remaining calm builds curiosity and anticipation. You’re acting like you know something they don’t, which makes them want to understand why you’re the way you are. They have an unsolved picture of you in their mind. The moment you utter a whole load of garbage, that picture dies. You failed to align with who they thought you were.
You must hold your words for when it truly matters if you want to be more mysterious. It’s better to be cautious with your words instead of saying a whole lot of nothing. You don’t need to be heard to be seen. People pay closer attention to you when you speak less. Your opinions and contributions are more valued when they’re not frequent. People care more about what you have to say when you don’t have much to say often.
3. Avoid drama
People often cause drama to get attention. This is the complete opposite of what you want if you’re trying to be mysterious. You must avoid being the center of attention most of the time to keep people guessing what’s going through your mind. It’s how you maintain an air of unpredictability. Inserting yourself into drama unnecessarily shines a bright light on you. It exposes your vulnerability. If people know there’s a way to get you irked, you lose your sense of mystery. Maintain abstinence from drama.
4. Be unpredictable
We humans have an intense desire for predictability. We want to feel in control, even when we’re not. We naturally follow patterns and routines out of laziness, a preference for comfort, or a desire to keep peace. This is partly due to how our survival instincts evolved. You break this pattern the moment you display unpredictable behavior. This confuses people and can even create fear. People will go to the ends of the earth in an attempt to understand your motives, but they will struggle. Eventually, this morphs into deep attachment, where they can’t get you out of their mind. In a group setting, this gets people talking. You not only convey mystery, but you also garner great respect.
That said, I know what you’re thinking… “How do I be more unpredictable?” It’s simple. Don’t always do what people expect you to do. Don’t always say what people expect you to say. Mix it up. Keep people guessing what your next move will be.
5. Listen more than you speak
The more you listen, the less likely you are to overshare. Oversharing will blow your cover and unveil the mystery of who you are. Karl Menninger once said, "Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."
When you listen to people, they naturally gravitate toward you. This is because most people go through life wishing to be listened to more. By lending them your ear, you’re offering them something valuable. It also makes them wonder about you. Sometimes, they may even catch themselves overspeaking and say something like, “Enough about me, tell me something about you” — that’s when you know you’ve got them.
The most important thing is you must genuinely listen to what they have to say. The speaker will appreciate that gift, and you will have created a bond. He or she will feel understood, validated, and, most of all, attracted to you. Listening to other people’s problems without sharing what you’re going through can sometimes make it seem like you’re not going through anything yourself. People would want to spend time with you to learn how to get to the place you’re at. They want to solve the mystery.
6. Reduce your availability
We humans typically want what we can’t have. In psychology, this is known as the forbidden fruit effect. The forbidden fruit effect posits that the more a commodity is perceived to be unavailable or not easily obtainable, the more it is valued compared to a freely and easily obtainable commodity.
You can significantly increase your value and desirability by simply reducing your availability. This increases your mystery because it makes people think, “What else could you be doing that’s so important?” Once someone wonders what you could be up to, you’re on their mind. They’re thinking about you. You rob them of this opportunity when you’re always available. Thus, the way to be more mysterious is to give people a chance to think about you. Let them wonder what you’re doing or where you are. All you’ve got to do to achieve this is reduce your availability.
7. Don’t share too much about yourself
Let people in, but keep them at arm's length. As we covered earlier, oversharing reduces people’s interest in you. To be more mysterious, you’ve got to give people a chance to investigate who the real you is. Don’t solve the case for them. Get others to speak more about themselves. When they try to flip it on you, keep your answers short and vague. Sharing less about yourself forces people to create conspiracies to plug the inconsistencies of who you are in their minds.
Being more mysterious is about getting others to work to find out more about you. Feed them clues in drips to keep them curious, but never spill the beans. Show the world less of who you are. Don’t broadcast your life. When you withhold key details, people will wonder. When you reveal less, you gain power.
When you’re mysterious, people are attracted to you. They want to solve the puzzle and fill the inconsistencies in their mind. This can bring you immense power. For example, you won’t have to put in much effort to get ahead because people and opportunities will naturally gravitate toward you. They’ll try to “figure you out.” It’s your job to feed them droplets to keep them interested. The key to becoming more mysterious is to give others the leeway to assume who you are. Don’t solve the puzzle for them.
Kurtis Pykes is a professional writer and author of the free e-book Don’t Just Set Goals, Build Systems. He's had articles featured on Medium, Nvidia blog, DataCamp, and neptune.ai, among many others.