Sober Woman Annoyed That She's Expected To Provide An Open Bar At Her Wedding
Should it be considered a requirement?
P A / Shutterstock There are some things you just expect to see at a wedding — a beautiful dress, dancing, tears. And, most importantly, at least for guests, plenty of food and drink.
One future bride who doesn’t drink wants to know exactly why guests expect her to have an open bar, however.
A couple that doesn’t drink finds it ‘annoying’ to have to provide an open bar for their wedding guests.
A woman named Katie shared her opinion on X about the need to provide an open bar at her future wedding even though she doesn’t drink.
Katie, who goes by the username @focusfronting, assured fellow X users that “this is not an engagement announcement; we’re just talking.”
Apparently, Katie and her partner had been discussing weddings with a focus on one specific aspect.
“It’s so annoying that you’re basically required by polite society here to have an open bar at your wedding,” Katie wrote on the app. “Neither my partner nor I drink, and we don’t care if other people do, but must we pay for it?”
Katie was surprised by the variety of responses she received to her post. The replies were indeed very mixed.
“You do not have to have liquor at your wedding,” one person argued. “If your friends love you, they will understand.”
“Yeah,” someone else said. “It’s called having a party. It’s a social event. It’s not all about your preferences.”
“Don’t do it,” said another. “Let them pay for their drinks. Who cares? People who spend less on weddings stay together longer. Draw your line in the sand.”
A fourth person had yet another perspective. “Completely excluding [drinks] is not great for your guests,” they stated. “The thing is universal access and making sure that you’re catering to all your [guests’] needs, whether they like alcohol or not.”
While personal opinions varied, experts seemed to agree that couples should have an open bar.
Brides asked Kristen Baxter, director of events at the Oregon wedding venue Abbey Road Farm, what her thoughts were on the subject of having an open bar.
According to Baxter, “Most couples choose an open bar because it’s a better experience for the guests … Your loved ones have likely already spent money on travel, gifts, and more, and it’s a polite gesture to host them for the evening.”
The Knot has also found through their research that the majority of couples have an open bar. “According to The Knot 2021 Real Weddings Study, 79% of couples offered an open bar at their wedding, but a fully stocked open bar isn’t the standard anymore,” they wrote.
USA Today reported on the divisive issue as well. They spoke to James Abel, who owns James Abel Events. Abel’s thoughts were clear.
“I personally think that people need to keep in mind that when you’re planning your wedding, you’re the host of a party for your friends and your family,” said Abel.
Event planner Marcy Blum agreed. “I think it’s rude not to. Why not just give each guest a check for their food?” she asked.
While wedding experts may agree that couples should have open bars, the etiquette is more ambiguous.
USA Today asked the founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, Jacqueline Whitmore, if an open bar was better than a cash bar. Her answer as an etiquette expert was that “there is no rule of etiquette that deems one more appropriate than the other.”
There are many factors to consider when planning a wedding and when deciding whether or not to serve alcohol — or, perhaps, whether or not to serve it for free.
Despite the fact that many experts believe open bars are best, and it’s important to remember that you’re entertaining your guests, it’s also the couple’s money that they can use however they see fit.
One thing to keep in mind, however, is that guests might not be as inclined to join in on the festivities if they aren't as celebratory as they hope.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.