The 3 Small Habits That Increase Your ‘Relational Intelligence,' According To Experts
Relational intelligence is a skill you can develop.
Jacob Lund | Canva / Farzin Yarahmadi | Pexels / Milko | Getty Images Signature A great way to strengthen all of your relationships, and build a stronger and more interconnected community, is to work on developing your relational intelligence.
Relational intelligence helps us demonstrate empathy, nurture authentic communication, and build a more trusting, loving, and mutually beneficial community where everyone can feel safe to express their fears and vulnerabilities.
The self-work of being more emotionally intelligent is one giant step in the right direction. Yet, if you are wondering how to extend your emotional intelligence to the next level, you might need to follow some advice from our relationship and mental wellness experts.
Here, Yourtango experts reveal the 3 small habits that increase your relational intelligence:
1. Practicing good communication habits
Small communication habits can contribute to improving relationships and building trust. For example, you can start by paraphrasing or describing what someone says and means before jumping to give advice.
You will also need to pay attention to and check your assumptions about the nonverbal cues and clues of the person you are talking with.
These will combine with paying attention to how your emotions affect your own nonverbal communication and allow you to adjust your tone of voice and body language to be in sync with what you say and mean.
— Ruth Schimel, PhD, Career & Life Management Consultant, Author
2. Self-awareness for better boundaries
Self-awareness helps us determine what we want from others and what they need from us, how they fit into our lives and we in theirs. This type of self-awareness is a habit that can be learned by regular self-reflection.
With a high level of self-awareness, we set boundaries that are healthy and necessary for trust building. Without boundaries, we compromise respect and mutual regard.
— Reta Walker, PhD
3. Cultivating deeper self-awareness
Cultivating self-awareness is the cornerstone of 'relational intelligence'. By shining a light on your own emotions, reactions, and triggers, you can recognize what you're bringing to the table in any relationship. When you understand yourself better, you can engage in relationships more authentically and respond to others with empathy.
If you're new to self-awareness, an easy way to start is by practicing mindful breathing, or by doing a body scan meditation.
To practice mindful breathing, pay attention to the physical sensations of your breath—the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to your breath. This practice helps you become more in tune with your body and emotions, fostering self-awareness.
To do a body scan meditation, start by start by focusing on your toes. Pay attention to any sensations, tension, or relaxation you feel there. Slowly move your awareness up through your feet, legs, torso, and all the way to the top of your head. This exercise can help you identify areas of tension or discomfort in your body, which can be linked to emotions or stress.
— Blair Nicole, CEO, MA in Psychology, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
Better relational intelligence starts with better communication skills, encompasses a deep sense of self-awareness, and extends the understanding we have cultivated about ourselves. We then use these self-improvement skills to build individual trust.
As we grow more relationally aware, we create an environment of safety for vulnerability. This is how we create authentic communities ready to face any challenge by first showing up for ourselves, then being present for our loved ones, and eventually that empathy spills into the world around us.
Relational intelligence is the ultimate tool for mutual aid.
Will Curtis is an associate editor at Yourtango.