15 Life Skills People Who Frequently Experience Road Rage Haven’t Mastered Yet, According To Psychology
Our fast-paced, congested world tends to push people to their limits.
Kokulina via Shutterstock If you have been driving for any time at all, you have noticed news articles about someone getting beat up, run off the road, or shot after a traffic incident. Or maybe you have experienced such an event yourself. Worse, maybe you've found yourself shouting at other drivers, cyclists or pedestrians and wondered, "What just happened to me?"
Our reactions are psychological — which is good news. That means therapists like myself can help reduce road rage reactions. Here's where we can start.
15 ways to prevent road rage when you're emotionally spinning out
Of these 15 ways to sidestep road rage spin-out, you may only need about three: one tactic for preparing, one to use during, and one to use shortly after the scary event.
I hope at least three of these ideas will help you on your next trip through the gauntlet of today’s traffic. Which three will work for you?
1. Take driver training
By enrolling in and learning the best practices to drive and manage risks, you will be so much better prepared for dangerous situations, both tactically and emotionally, as supported by a study published in the Journey of Safety Research in 2024.
2. Be aware of brain patterns
Become very aware of any expectations or prejudices, cognitive distortions, or traumas you have experienced, and heal them.
3. Use self-talk
You could say to yourself as you start the car, “OK, today may be the day that tests my observation and driving skills. I will meet the challenge and get to level 2 (if you think in terms of video game challenges) to get safely to my destination.”
4. Apply biofeedback
HeartMath is a company that has done a lot of research and has a biofeedback system that helps people learn to manage their internal state, as supported by a study published in the Journal of Psychology in Africa. When you learn how to get into inner balanced coherence and practice it, it can help you maintain emotional stability and not spin out.
5. Practice mindfulness
By regularly practicing mindfulness and becoming aware of controlling your thoughts, you will not easily succumb to events in the external world. By becoming in control of your internal world, you will not be as likely to be a victim of the outer world.
During a spin-out, you can:
6. Fine-tune your focus
As the scary event unfolds, focus on controlling your car, take evasive action, and do what is necessary to not be in a traffic accident. Keep reminding yourself that the goal is getting safely to your destination.
Drazen Zigic via Shutterstock
7. Get curious
Being curious and wondering where the other driver's mind is, maybe they are spinning out, or maybe they are having a heart attack, can help you not spin out.
8. Use humor
Bringing humor into the situation often helps. Thinking or saying out loud, “Whoa, they must have to go poop pretty bad and can’t hold it in anymore to drive like that.”
9. Have patience
Take a deep breath, slowly let it out, and say to yourself, “Have the patience for two, the patience for two!”
After a spin-out, you can:
10. Find time to celebrate
Congratulate yourself for taking the action to keep you safe, but do not dwell on their terrible driving.
11. Learn from the experience
Reflect on what happened and learn from it. If keeping a 3-second buffer between you and the car ahead helped, remind yourself. If being very aware of the car speeding up behind you helped you prepare, remind yourself. If looking both ways before taking off on your green light helped, remind yourself.
12. Show gratitude
Bring gratitude into the equation. When the dangerous event is over, practice saying:
- “Whew, I am so glad I am not the person hurt by that accident on wheels.”
- “I am so glad my defensive driving skills kept my name off the accident report.”
- “I am so glad I did not take their bait, or accept their invitation to an accident.”
Or, you can come up with your own helpful gratitude statement.
Many dangerous traffic situations happen every day on a road near you. These are at least 12 things you can do to help yourself not be swept away by strong negative emotions to arrive safely at your destination. Preparing for these events before they happen can help greatly.
13. Remember that you don't know why the person did what they did
There could be many reasons another driver cut you off, almost hit you, and scared you. And that's where we can start: empathy. According to a team of Italian researchers, practicing empathy can reduce aggressive manifestations in adolescents (and likely adults, too).
We can categorize all those reasons as either intentional or accidental, but does it really matter why it happened? If it was intentional, they might try another dangerous maneuver at us. We will then need all our senses, skills, and brain power to not become their victim.
14. Remind yourself that your brain may think you're in danger — even if you are not.
A study in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews helps explain how in an emotional “spin-out,” our Limbic System (the Fight/Flight/Freeze system) takes control, and we do not have access to our brain’s neocortex reasoning and computing power. Most of the time, it does not matter whether it was accidental or not.
While many people find it hard to believe, it is not the driver who makes us so angry. It is not the car that makes us spin out. If we were temporarily unaware in those 2 seconds and did not see the near miss, we would not be angry.
Our brain’s sensing of the event physiologically in the Amygdala alarm and the Limbic System then causes our interpretation and subsequent internal dialog that makes us so angry, as supported by a study in Biomolecules Journal.
Berki Cosmin Alin via Shutterstock
15. Learn why humans are prone to overreact
People are meaning-making beings
If we live from the paradigm that the universe is against us, it will prime us to see and interpret events as against us. This could trigger spin-outs.
We have prejudices
Like prejudice against older drivers, teen drivers, or gender, you get the drift — your negativity bias amplifies your reaction to any traffic incident involving that segment of society.
We habitually think in terms of “Shoulds”
Thinking in shoulds will cause problems. If we think nothing should interfere with our wishes, or nothing should ever scare us, or we should not have to take defensive action, it can distort the reality of the moment and interfere with our best response.
There is no such thing as a “should,” it is often referred to as a Cognitive Distortion, as shown in the British Journal of Medical Psychology, and it warps our reality. To handle the scary or dangerous event, it is best to deal with what is actual, not a "should" situation our brain has made up.
We take too many things personally
Taking another driver's actions personally will set the stage for us to spin out. Not everything that happens is targeted against us. If you need more reason to work on road rage, watch the story embedded below of an incident that could've ended very badly.
If you find yourself spinning out every time you get behind the wheel or multiple times on a drive, it could be a cue you have old trauma or wounds to heal. It would be wise to seek an experienced psychologist or therapist because healing is possible. If that does not describe you, read on.
Remember, spinning out can be a loss of control, or we can see it as letting someone else’s actions control you. You might want to let your friends know so they can be prepared, too.
Tj Price is a licensed psychologist facilitating healing, mindset shift, and developmental growth in line with nature, teaching principles one can follow to strengthen each of the various types of relationships that make life meaningful.