7 Unique Situations Where It's Actually OK To Ghost Someone
You don't always have to feel guilty for disappearing.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock We've all had those moments when we’re stuck between not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings and also not wanting to lead them on. Many people who find themselves in this situation resort to ghosting, only to end up feeling guilty about it later. But here's the thing: it's not always bad to simply disappear.
Ghosting has become one of the most hated dating practices of the modern era, probably because it's so common. According to a survey conducted by the Thriving Center of Psychology, 84% of people have been ghosted and 65% have ghosted someone else. Personally, I don’t think ghosting is appropriate — but there are always exceptions.
Here are 7 times it's totally OK to ghost someone:
1. You've never met in real life & things get weird
If you have never met in person, you have no obligation to communicate that you’re not feeling it — especially if something got weird and you don't even want to be friends.
Usually, if you haven't met the person, there hasn’t been a lot of time and effort invested, so why go through that drama?
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2. Disaster strikes on the first date
If your first date or meet-up with someone is complete chaos, feel free to move along without letting the other person know. When I say "disaster", I don't mean awkward small talk or lack of connection. I mean things like an argument, aggressive behavior, very clear signs they find you offensive or distasteful, or if you found their behavior offensive or distasteful.
If the other person is wondering what happened when the time spent together was disastrous or chaotic, that person may need to reevaluate their judgment and perceptions. Again, if it was a simple mismatch, do not ghost. A simple text like, "Great meeting you, but I'm not feeling a connection."
3. They’re creepy, abusive, or inappropriate
Most of us have had an experience where a person turns out to be someone totally different from the person you first met.
They may obsessively message you or show up at random places you never told them about. Run. You do not owe this person an explanation. That person needs to have a reality check and that’s not your job.
4. You caught the person in a lie
Let’s be real here. If a person has the nerve to lie, they don’t deserve an explanation as to why you suddenly stopped talking to them. Period.
5. You have a weird or negative gut feeling about them
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We all need to use our gut and intuition more because it would save us a lot of drama and headaches. If there’s something off about the person’s vibe or energy, trust yourself and book it. Obviously, the person did or said something that didn’t sit right with you. Sure, you can send the, "I'm not feeling a connection" text, but if that seems risky, simply do not.
6. They meet your deal-breakers
Many people have certain things they consider the ultimate deal-breaker and will absolutely not accept in a partner. According to a 2023 study, the most common deal-breakers are apathy, grossness, clinginess, and addiction.
If a person reaches a point where they have met your biggest, most important deal-breaker, chances are there are more skeletons in the closet.
7. You don’t know where things stand
If a person is unwilling to discuss where things are in terms of the relationship or friendship, you're free to do as you please. You don't owe that person a thing. An example might be refusing to state they're already in a relationship, whether they want the same type of relationship you want, or anything else that should be simple to answer.
If the person avoids the topic or simply ignores it when you bring it up, they simply do not deserve an explanation or discussion as to why you’re about to be a ghost.
There are times when you do not need to feel bad or justify why you ghosted someone. If a person isn’t willing to give you the honesty and respect you deserve, why should they get that from you?
However, if things just aren’t working out or you’re just not feeling it, and the person is a decent human being, they deserve a discussion as to why.
Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor. She writes about relationships, organizational psychology and behavior, personality psychology, and more.