11 Signs You've Outgrown Your Current Social Circle
Sometimes, letting go of the past is the best way to move forward in a positive direction.
Pintau Studio | Shutterstock When you have a core set of friends, it can feel devastating to slowly grow apart from them. You may have thought that your friends would always be there for you and that, despite any arguments or disagreements, your friendship would remain the same.
Unfortunately, once you recognize the signs you've outgrown your current social circle, you come to realize that life doesn't always work out the way you expected it to. Whether it's no longer sharing the same values or feeling like you can't be your true self around them, there are signs that indicate your connection has changed.
Here are 11 signs you've outgrown your current social circle
1. You no longer have anything in common
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Most people can recall the moment they became friends with someone close to them. Perhaps it was bonding over homework for a shared class or even growing up together. Regardless of how people become close, throughout the years they may notice shared interests; maybe that's why they became friends in the first place. And those interests hold a friendship together.
But one of the biggest signs you've outgrown your current social circle is having a lack of interests in common. People become friends largely due to the amount of time they spend together.
According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, moving to a casual friendship takes around 30 hours, and it takes more than 300 hours to consider someone a best friend.
But there's more to friendship than just the amount of time spent together. Known as the similar-to-me effect, which is a cognitive bias, people tend to feel more at ease around those who are similar to them.
This aligns with a study published in the journal Psychology, which found that college students were increasingly likely to form bonds with peers who had similar attitudes and values to them.
2. Your friends are negative and immature
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Everyone goes through an immature or negative phase at some point in life. For some, this might look like teasing others for their hobbies or romantic interests, while for others, they may make lame jokes or play pranks.
When going through a transition to become more mature and in tune with your surroundings, not every friend will stay on the same page.
When you've outgrown your social circle, you may find that your friends are way more immature than you thought. And when you refuse to admit their childish ways, you may fall victim to them.
Research from Psychological Bulletin found that friends are highly influential. Things like depression can be worsened by certain types of friendships, and friends who only discuss everything bad in their lives are increasingly likely to be depressed.
3. You feel uncomfortable after hanging out
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Friendships are meant to provide you with a safe place to feel loved and understood. However, when you begin to feel uncomfortable after hanging out with your friends, it's an indicator that you've likely outgrown the friendship.
Research from the American Journal of Psychiatry found that people who have close friends are increasingly less likely to experience depression and more likely to feel satisfied. But if these emotions aren't what you feel when with your friends, it's likely due to a few reasons: you haven't seen one another in a while and need time to adjust, your anxiety is getting the best of you, or you feel as if you're being secretly judged.
Unfortunately, if it's the third reason, jealousy is a poisonous feeling that can harm friendships. According to licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White PhD, while wanting what your friends have is normal, resentment of their good fortune isn't.
If you feel as if your current social circle is making you uncomfortable as a result of jealousy, it's best to distance yourself.
4. You feel alone and unsupported
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There's no worse feeling than loneliness. Human beings are social creatures that need connection to thrive. So, when you feel unsupported and alone in your friend group, it may be time to admit to yourself that you no longer fit in this social circle.
Friendships are crucial for our well-being and longevity. In one study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers found that high-quality friendships provided social support, companionship, and benefits to mental health.
But in a friendship you've outgrown, you aren't getting your basic needs met. An additional study from Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology cited research that lonely adults are increasingly likely to have depression.
5. Your friends ignore your boundaries
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Another sign you've outgrown your current social circle is if your friends ignore your boundaries, which are put in place for a reason. Whether it's to assert your comfort levels or protect yourself against toxic family members, these boundaries should be upheld and respected by those around you.
According to Stanford University, boundaries are put in place to protect your overall well-being. So, when boundaries aren't respected, your mental health might falter as you grapple with what to do next.
Be wary of friend groups that can't seem to hold themselves accountable. As much as you'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt, not abiding by boundaries is disrespectful.
6. You find it difficult to move on from arguments
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Throughout your friendship, it's normal to have a disagreement. After all, misunderstandings and miscommunication are the easiest ways to turn a once peaceful conversation completely chaotic. However, it's also normal for friends to forgive and move on for the sake of the relationship.
Research from the Journal of Religion and Health found that forgiveness often leads to a decrease in anger, anxiety, depression, and an increase in self-esteem. But if you can't forgive your social circle, consider it a sign that you may need to move away from the relationship.
Though forgiveness is great for your own mental well-being, there are also instances when forgiveness is no longer an option.
Experiencing the same pain or disrespect over and over again can make it harder for you to move forward, and you may linger on past fights.
7. You feel miserable whenever you're in their company
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Think of the last time you were at an event and didn't really want to be there. If you have that same feeling when hanging out with your friends, you may have outgrown your social circle.
While sometimes people are tired or in a bad mood, if it's a pattern, there's a big chance your friendship is beginning to end.
A report released by SHRM's Employee Mental Health in 2024 Research Series cited that 44% of U.S. employees feel burned out at work. As a result, hanging out with friends and truly enjoying their company can be difficult in these circumstances.
Additionally, a study from Royal Society Open Science found that people can pick up their friend's moods. So, even if you're burnt out, having positive friends around can help you feel more positive yourself.
8. You no longer trust them
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When you're close to someone, it's natural to feel like you can trust them with your deepest secrets and be vulnerable.
You might stay up late into the night, pouring your heart out, and trust this person fully. But when you've outgrown your current social circle of friends, that trust you once had has disappeared.
Any relationship, including friendships, can't function or last without trust. If you feel like you've been betrayed, taken for granted, or taken advantage of time after time, this can quickly lead you to distance yourself from your supposed friends, and see them as untrustworthy and unreliable.
9. You feel like they're holding you back
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If you truly want to grow as a person, it's important to try new things. Like it or not, learning to step outside of your comfort zone is the best way to discover something new about who you really are.
Feeling like your friends are holding you back, especially when it comes to seizing opportunities or trying new things, it's not a good sign.
True friends will always encourage you to pursue your passions and will actively push you to succeed. Meanwhile, fake friends will discourage you and instill doubt and fear into your mind.
So, if you get the sense that your friends don't support you in whatever you choose to do with your life, you've outgrown your friend group then hold onto that feeling. Nine times out of ten you're probably right.
10. Your values aren't aligned
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People naturally gravitate towards others who share the same values, as our brains like to change.
According to Keith M. Bellizzi, professor of Human Development and Family Sciences at the University of Connecticut, "Your brain is hard-wired to protect you — which can lead to reinforcing your opinions and beliefs, even when they're misguided."
With any relationship we have — platonic, romantic or familial — our brain will naturally navigate towards things or people that confirm our way of thinking.
After all, it's hardwired in you to be this way. But when your values and morals begin to change, so will your friend group, resulting in feeling as if you've outgrown them. And, most likely, you have.
11. You feel stuck
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Most people have a "role" to play in their friend group. Maybe you're the "mom" of the group, or the fashionista, or the therapist, or the voice of reason when things get too rowdy.
Playing these roles every single day can be exhausting because as much as your friends need support, so do you.
As people grow more mature, they no longer feel content with staying in designated roles. They may grow frustrated the longer their friend group continues to treat them the same way.
Ask yourself one question the next time you're hanging out with your social circle: Do I feel stuck? If the answer is yes, and you've done all you can to repair your friendship, it's a glaring sign you've outgrown your social circle.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.