9 Signs You Were Often Spoiled As A Child And It's Affecting You Now
You probably think the world revolves around you.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock According to a 1989 article published in the journal "Pediatrics," spoiled child syndrome is associated with the display of "excessive" immature and self-centered behavior, and occurs when parents don't enforce consistent and age-appropriate boundaries.
If you were often spoiled as a child, you were likely characterized as being selfish and emotionally volatile. Spoiled children expect to be given anything they want, and they throw tantrums when they don't get their own way. Because of their demanding attitude and inconsistent behavior, spoiled children often struggle to have healthy relationships.
But being spoiled doesn't only affect people when they're young — it can also have a major impact on the kind of adult they grow up to be.
Here are 9 signs you were often spoiled as a child and it's affecting you now
1. You expect instant gratification
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If you were spoiled as a child, you were accustomed to getting what you wanted, whether it was a toy you saw in the store window or the undivided attention of your parents when they were busy with another task.
You were rarely told to wait or denied the shiny new thing you absolutely needed to have. You were taught to expect that all your needs would be met immediately, which is a mindset that can negatively affect you as an adult.
If your need for instant gratification went unchecked, it's highly likely that you became an adult who thinks you should get exactly what you want; only now, your expectations go beyond new toys. You might expect to get good grades without putting effort into your classes, then blame your teachers for failing you. You might think you should be hired for your dream job, even though you're not qualified. You might have a hard time setting limits on yourself, so you avoid budgeting but buy whatever you want.
Being spoiled as a child can turn you into an impatient and materialistic adult. You were never told to wait, so you never had to develop that specific skill set. You weren't taught how to plan for the future, so you make impulsive decisions about how you spend money and don't consider the long-term consequences of your choices.
According to a study published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology," having the ability to delay gratification in childhood correlates with academic and professional success later in life. The study determined that children who could wait longer at ages 4 and 5 were more academically and socially competent as adolescents, as they exhibited high verbal fluency along with being more attentive and able to deal well with frustration and stress.
Just because you didn't learn how to delay gratification as a child doesn't mean you can't cultivate that skill now. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and develop patience.
2. You have poor coping skills
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Another sign that you were often spoiled as a child is that you struggle to cope with disappointment, stress, and setbacks as an adult.
Having poor coping skills is connected to expecting instant gratification. Children often become spoiled because their parents don't set appropriate limits. They tend to have a low frustration tolerance, so they become easily agitated when they're faced with challenges and have a hard time staying emotionally regulated.
As a spoiled child, your parents might have smoothed the way for you, removing obstacles and making sure you were successful in your achievements. Because you experienced very few disappointments, you probably didn't learn how to react when things don't go your way.
You might struggle to stay calm when you're faced with stressful or high-pressure situations. You might get defensive if someone criticizes you, instead of acknowledging that you could have done something differently. You see making mistakes as a sign that you've failed, instead of an indication that you have more to learn.
You take rejection personally and often blame other people when something goes wrong. You expect every outcome to benefit you directly, and you might have a hard time celebrating someone else's successes.
3. You're entitled
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Having a strong sense of entitlement is a big sign you were spoiled as a child and it's affecting you now. If your parents bent to your every whim, it's highly likely that you still think other people should meet all your needs, without you having to extend yourself in return.
Being entitled means you think you deserve special treatment or that you're owed the trappings of success without having to work for it. Entitlement also manifests as believing certain rules don't apply to you, whether that means you cut the line at the DMV because your time is more precious than anyone else's, or that you think you shouldn't face consequences for cheating on a test or taking credit for someone else's work.
Being entitled makes it hard to maintain long-term relationships. Friendships and romances are based on mutual respect and balanced care. If you always center yourself and never give back, you'll eventually lose the people you care about.
4. You often feel helpless
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Psychiatrist Dr. Marcia Sirota explained that being spoiled as a child doesn't only lead to feeling over-entitled, it also creates a sense of learned helplessness, along with lowered self-confidence and a decreased capacity for empathy.
Parents who do too much for their children essentially teach them that they can't do anything on their own. These kids become adults who expect other people to go out of their way to care for them, in part because they never learned to trust in their own abilities.
If your parents did everything for you, they denied you the opportunity to build up your inner strength and cultivate a sense of self-efficacy. As an adult, you probably avoid taking on challenges, as you don't believe that you're capable of doing hard things. You might struggle to hold down a job because you give up when you're faced with difficult tasks.
The first step to overcoming this feeling of helplessness is recognizing that you can learn how to handle difficult situations, even if you weren't taught how to do so when you were young.
5. You struggle with compromise
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As someone who was spoiled as a child, you might have a hard time compromising as an adult. This can negatively affect your personal and professional relationships.
When you were a kid, you were probably used to getting your own way because your parents didn't set limits or say "no." You were allowed to eat dessert first, you had unlimited screen time, and you skipped out on doing chores. Now that you're an adult, you still expect the world to move in your favor and you don't handle yourself well when it doesn't.
You might have a hard time being part of a team because you think you're always right. You struggle with collaboration in a professional setting, as you're not particularly adept at sharing control. Knowing how to compromise is a key part of having healthy adult relationships. In a partnership, conflict resolution is often based on meeting in the middle and finding a solution that works for both people in a couple.
Part of becoming an adult requires people to accept that they can't always get exactly what they want. Learning to compromise allows people to make the best of any situation and instills in them the inner skills they need to weather any storm.
6. You have low emotional resilience
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If you have low emotional resilience, it's a sign you were often spoiled as a child and it's affecting you as an adult.
Licensed clinical social worker Cheryl Gerson noted that sometimes, a parent's efforts to raise their kids with confidence and high self-esteem can backfire if they go too far in protecting them from feeling any discomfort.
She explained that shielding kids from feeling frustrated, anxious, or worried often undermines their emotional resilience. "Kids need to realize getting what you want doesn't always come easily. That's the best way to raise an emotionally resilient child," Gerson revealed.
When parents don't let their kids experience anything uncomfortable, their kids become adults who overreact to any small shift in their emotional landscape. If you're someone who never learned how to navigate emotional discomfort, you probably have a hard time sitting with your less enjoyable feelings. Yet knowing how to let your feelings exist without judging them or judging yourself for having them is a key aspect of having emotional strength.
7. Your sense of worth depends on external validation
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If you were spoiled as a child, your parents probably showered you with praise for completing even the smallest task. They practically threw you a party every time you brushed your teeth or cleared your own plate, which trained you to get very accustomed to outside validation. This means your sense of self is built around what other people think of you, making it fairly unstable and easy to manipulate.
Depending on external validation to feel secure or worthy is a sign that you were spoiled as a child. Psychologist Nick Wignall noted that seeking constant validation from others is an indication of emotional fragility.
"Emotionally fragile people often get stuck in the habit of asking for reassurance anytime they feel scared, sad, or upset," he explained. "If you want to become more emotionally resilient and confident, you must be willing to tolerate the temporary discomfort of dealing with your difficult feelings."
Of course, being on the receiving end of a compliment feels good, but sourcing confidence from other people's opinions can't be the only way to build up your reserves of self-esteem. If you feel consistently unworthy unless you get external validation, it's a clear sign that being spoiled as a child is affecting you now.
8. You hate being told 'no'
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Parents who refuse to set clear boundaries or say "no" do their children a disservice in the long-run, by raising them to believe they have the right to do whatever they want while ignoring other people's feelings. Spoiled children who always get their way become adults who don't respect boundaries. They bulldoze past the limits people set and try to force them into saying "yes."
If you struggle to accept when someone says "no," it's a sign you were often spoiled as a child and it's affecting you now. You probably hold yourself above other people or believe that you're the exception to the rule. "No" doesn't necessarily mean "no" to you, because all you care about is getting your own way.
You may knowingly or unknowingly manipulate people into saying "yes" to what you want. You might weaponize your own emotions to make people feel bad enough to bend to your will or outright ignore them when they tell you that you can't do something.
Learning how to gracefully accept being told "no" is crucial to keeping your personal and professional relationships intact.
9. You lack gratitude
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A lack of gratitude is a sign that you were spoiled as a child. If you're completely used to getting exactly what you want, you probably don't consider the effort other people extend in order to meet your needs.
Being grateful goes beyond just saying "thank you." It requires people to have empathy and manifest a compassionate mindset. Having gratitude forces you to look outside of your own experience and shift your perspective to include other people's ways of life.
Career and life coach Heather Moulder explained, "A regular gratitude practice helps to train your mind to look for the things to be grateful for... This simple practice will increase your mental resilience and emotional intelligence and help you cultivate [a] growth mindset."
In many ways, being grateful is the opposite of being spoiled, because one of the roots of gratitude is accepting that the universe doesn't revolve around you and you alone.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.