8 Signs You Grew Up In An Unstable Home And It's Affecting You Now
Your troubling childhood has likely created a slew of issues.
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock Growing up in an unstable home can have a huge impact on a person's adult life.
According to research published in the journal Early Childhood Research Quarterly, children brought up in a toxic home were predicted to have worse health and mental instability. Additionally, a toxic home environment impacts and delays children's developmental growth.
By recognizing the signs you grew up in an unstable home, you can take the proper steps to get the healing you need. Nobody should have to continuously feel the negative effects of a situation that was beyond their control.
Here are 8 signs you grew up in an unstable home — and it's affecting you now
1. You feel anxious for no reason
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Growing up in an unstable home, because of your parents' unpredictable emotions you had to walk on eggshells around them. Scared of making a mistake, you learned that the best thing to do was remain silent.
Now, as an adult, you're an anxious person who has difficulty expressing your needs or desires. You're too scared to upset others, so you stay quiet to calm your nerves, fearful of starting a confrontation or argument.
According to research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, childhood mistreatment leads to developing anxiety in childhood through early adolescence. These symptoms can continue into adulthood, affecting the way you express yourself to others.
If you feel anxious all of a sudden, like you're right back where you were as a child, it's one of the signs you grew up in an unstable home and it's affecting you now.
2. You don't know how to live without chaos
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Another of the signs you grew up in an unstable home is your familiarity with things like name-calling, screaming, or throwing items, and how none of this fazed you, as it was just something you were used to in childhood. You may have even found comfort in it.
But now that you're an adult, you have a hard time functioning without chaos. You self-sabotage, yell, or push people around to find the chaos you were so accustomed to. However, it's simply a result of your brain.
The brain considers things that are "abnormal" as a potential threat, so it does everything in its power to get rid of it. That means it can convince you to act irrationally. But if you push through these instincts, you'll find that this impulse to live among chaos will subside, allowing you to finally rest easy.
3. You're impulsive
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As a child, you may have witnessed your parents' out of control behavior and now, you now feel the need to take matters into your own hands. While this may seem productive, it actually causes your anxiety to increase as you struggle to manage it all.
According to a study in the journal BMC Public Health, growing up in a toxic environment leads children to develop behavioral problems later in life. These behavioral problems can include bullying, impulsivity, conduct problems, and aggression. This can impact their sleep and cause anxiety and depression to develop.
Unfortunately, these things can stick with you until adulthood, impacting the way you think and the actions you take. If you're incredibly impulsive, it's a result of your unstable home life growing up.
4. You have unrealistic expectations for yourself
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One of the biggest signs you grew up in an unstable home environment is that you were likely given unrealistic expectations as a child. You were told to make the best grades or to be the perfect child. You were expected to carry out household chores or were tasked with cooking and cleaning every night.
These harsh expectations carried into adulthood, now affecting the way you push yourself. Instead of setting healthy goals for yourself and taking baby steps, you work until complete exhaustion. Burnout can lead to engaging in unhealthy behaviors like poor eating or not sleeping enough.
Though you grew up in an unstable home, it's best to be mindful of the goals you set. Otherwise, you risk setting yourself up for failure as a result of being unrealistic.
5. You have difficulty setting boundaries
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It can be hard to set boundaries when you're surrounded by people who don't respect yours or anyone else's. But if you currently have difficulty setting boundaries, it's a glaring sign you grew up in an unstable home and it's affecting you now.
At a young age, you learned that setting boundaries was pointless, as it almost always ended in disaster. Even if you told your parents your nonnegotiables to make yourself feel comfortable, your boundaries were constantly trampled on.
You likely grew into an adult who has poor boundaries in your personal and work life. According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, blurred work-life boundaries lead to lower happiness and an inability to sustain a healthy lifestyle.
All of this combined impacts your life as an adult, leading to unhealthy relationships and frustration and anger.
6. You're a people-pleaser
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During childhood growing up in an unstable home, you were told to be considerate of other people's feelings. You likely had it drilled into your head not to speak up or put your needs first, because it was rude to do so.
As an adult, you're someone who can't help but put other people's needs first, even over your own. You give and give, without getting anything in return. But to you, this type of behavior is a result of your upbringing.
Unfortunately, people-pleasing has negative effects on your health and behavior. A study published in the research Obesity found that negative coping styles like people-pleasing are correlated to being overweight.
If you're a people-pleaser, be careful when doing favors for others. Don't allow the fear of your unstable past to interfere with your bright future.
7. You're blindly loyal
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People who grew up in an unstable home don't know much about trust. For you, you don't understand how to tell if someone has your best interests at heart, as this was likely something you experienced as a child. You may be so desperate for love and affection that you blindly follow others and pledge loyalty to them, even if they don't deserve it.
However, this behavior is a sign that your trauma hasn't yet healed and is still affecting you now. Because you grew up in an unstable home, it's important as an adult to find people who truly love you who won't disrespect or belittle you. Surround yourself with people you don't need to be blindly loyal to.
8. You don't feel like you belong anywhere
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Feeling like you don't fit in almost always has to do with your ability to connect with others. And because you grew up in an unstable home, your ability to form connections with others is essentially non-existent.
Your parents likely didn't have much empathy for you growing up, so you were never able to be emotionally vulnerable. If you ever brought up a concern, you were probably told to "suck it up" or that it's just part of life to experience conflict.
As an adult, you feel like you don't fit in anywhere, as you struggle to relate to others and how they're feeling. Human connection is vital to keep people happy in life; in fact, poor social relationships lead to an increased risk of mortality. Instead of ruminating on not fitting in, find ways to get in touch with your emotions, and make it a point to meet new people where you can.
Remember that just because you struggled growing up, you don't need to live this way as an adult. Seek out professional help where necessary, and use it to catapult yourself into a healthier, happier life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.