12 Signs You're Taken For Granted By People Because You Give Too Much
No one will respect a person who gives and gives and gives.
Surface N | Unsplash I know for a fact that there are a lot of women out there crying into their pillows wondering why they can’t get or keep a man. I also know for a fact that there are a lot of good women out there who have housed men, cooked for them, cleaned for them, and just did everything to please them only to be slammed by them. I know because I’ve seen that with a lot of my friends as well as myself.
Wake up! If you have any of the following signs, you're probably being taken advantage of by people because you give, give, give way too much of yourself without expecting anything in return.
Here are signs you're taken for granted by people because you give too much of yourself:
1. You stay loyal even after someone doesn't treat you right
You deserve better, and frankly, the man you’re taking back is a cheater at best and an abuser at worst. No one deserves to be abused by someone they love, especially you.
2. People have told you that you deserve better
Josep Suria / Shutterstock
Do you hear this a lot, even from people who are strangers? More often than not, people tell you this because they see someone taking you for granted, hurting you, or otherwise just being a jerk. They’re probably right.
Being told you deserve better can have varied impacts, including validating one's self-worth, triggering a sense of being undervalued, or even leading to feelings of guilt or inadequacy on the part of the speaker or recipient.
According to a 2014 study, the emotional impact heavily depends on the context in which it's said, the relationship dynamic between the speaker and recipient, and the individual's self-perception.
3. You excuse or tolerate bad behavior
If you notice that you tolerate or excuse behavior from people you’d never dream of doing, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate things. Why do you judge them by a different standard than you judge yourself? Is it because you worry that you’ll be alone if you don’t put up with it, or is it because you feel that they can’t take the high road?
Either way, it’s not a good thing to do and it may indicate that you need to talk to someone who can help you sort things out.
4. You are someone else's piggy bank
Stop being someone else’s piggy bank, emotional backup, or servant. They don’t appreciate it; they just use you.
According to a 2019 study, perhaps you were more emotionally invested in the relationship, or your ex was not as profoundly invested, making it easier for them to move on. You may have invested too much of your time and energy, and when the breakup occurred, you felt like a shattered piece, and your ex could pick up the pieces more easily because it was not as big of an investment to them.
5. You date down
Have they often remarked that you seem to “date down” way more than a typical person would? If so, would you agree with that?
If you’d agree with that, ask yourself why that is. Do you think that you owe it to others to “give them a chance,” or are you hoping someone would put you on a pedestal or be so much better? More often than not, a serious mismatch will leave one partner feeling resentful, clingy, and jealous, while the “good one” suffers because their partner can’t handle dating up.
6. You know deep down you treat people too well
I’ve learned that most people don’t respect someone too good to them. If you keep getting dumped while your exes insist you did nothing wrong, it could legitimately be that you’re too good for them.
Consistently over-caring for your partner can lead to codependency, resentment, a diminished sense of self, and a lack of genuine connection in a relationship, ultimately damaging both partners' well-being.
This creates an unhealthy dynamic where the other person feels like they are constantly being smothered or pressured to reciprocate. According to a 2021 study, this can lead to resentment or frustration, ultimately damaging the relationship.
7. You bribe people to hang out with you
What I’ve found is that some of the best people you’ll ever meet also tend to be some of the loneliest ones. Lonely people will often go the extra mile to be a good friend, or to try to be a good friend. Often, this takes the form of bribing people with tickets to concerts, dinners, and other similar goodies.
If this sounds like you, it's one of the signs of a good woman and you’re way too kind of a person to be dealing with the bad stuff you’re going through. Rather than continue to put yourself in harm’s way, it may be best to close your wallet and tell people it’s time for them to pay their share.
8. You ignore red flags because you hope a person will change
New Africa / Shutterstock
A wise man once told me, “The only person you can change is yourself.” You cannot fix people. You can’t make them “see the light.” So, stop trying to do that, and start trying to look out for yourself rather than others.
Ignoring red flags, especially in relationships, can lead to long-term negative consequences like increased stress, anxiety, depression, and a potential cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns, impacting emotional well-being and judgment. A study by Louisiana State University found that constantly rationalizing or denying your partner's harmful behavior can erode your trust in your judgment and perceptions, making it challenging to discern unhealthy patterns in future relationships.
9. You're a martyr
Martyrdom isn’t attractive. Most people who have had others sacrifice themselves for them don’t appreciate it. It’s a known fact that if you do too many favors for people, those people tend to lose trust and respect for you. Do people love you at first and then “get bored” of you or start using you? If so, this may be a sign you’re just too good for them.
10. Your 'best friends' don't even treat you right
This is one of those signs that you need to reevaluate the kind of behavior you’re accepting. If you regularly find yourself being treated badly by everyone, it may be time to invest in therapy or training that can help you become more assertive.
Consistently feeling rejected and mistreated by others can have significant negative impacts on mental and physical well-being, including increased anger, anxiety, depression, reduced performance, and even poorer sleep and immune function. Research from The American Psychological Association recommends focusing on your self-worth and building confidence, which can improve your ability to navigate complex interactions.
11. People have called you “a doormat,” “spineless,” or “too nice”
Most of the people who act like human doormats are just genuinely sweet people who are too afraid to make their needs known assertively. If you regularly hear this, you might need to know that you can be kind, polite, and assertive and still be a nice, likable person. “No” is a full sentence, and there’s nothing wrong with saying it from time to time.
12. You always go the extra mile, but you're never appreciated for it
This is the definition of being a good woman and a good girlfriend. But sadly, most people don’t appreciate a good woman who’s willing to go that extra mile until they settle for someone who doesn’t do that.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.