10 Signs Someone In Your Life Is Out To Get You, According To Psychology
Protect yourself from being used and disregarded.
carballo | Shutterstock We would all like to think that the people closest to us only have the best intentions. But just like anything in life, there's always an exception.
It's likely that a close friend or family member secretly resents you. And sniffing them out isn't always easy.
Here are 10 signs someone in your life out to get you, according to psychology
1. They belittle your achievements
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When someone is secretly out to get you, it's important to look at the way they respond to your achievements. Are they genuinely happy for your success, or do they make passive-aggressive comments?
If it's the latter, unfortunately, this person is not on your side. And their small jabs are really just a projection of their insecurities. It's bad, as those snide comments can easily impact you.
Feeling disrespected can easily lead to anger. According to one study, "feeling disrespected is much more likely to lead to aggression than feeling disliked." And feeling angry is bad for your blood vessels, as another study found that anger can impair your arteries, leading to an increased risk of a heart attack.
2. They copy everything you do
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Copying someone else's style or behavior is a bit strange. To be fair, unconscious body language isn't an issue, as studies have found that we copy those we are in sync with. Unconscious mimicry, or copying a person, can extend to people having a "tendency to take over each other's posture, mannerisms, and behaviors without awareness."
However, just like anything in life, there's a limit. And when someone begins to copy everything you do, they are crossing that limit completely and might be out to get you.
Hypnotherapist Anna Drescher cites Dr. Ramadi Durvasula, saying that narcissists have a habit of mirroring others to appear engaging and charming. "By paying close attention to you, they can emulate the perfect partner, colleague, or friend. Once they 'win you over,' they have earned a new source of narcissistic supply," Drescher warns.
3. They encourage you to be your worst self
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If someone is encouraging bad behavior, they may never actually say it outright. After all, that would defeat the whole purpose of getting you to engage in said behavior.
Instead, they might slowly start to get into your head, making you question your wants and desires. They'll put doubt into your mind to encourage you to be the worst version of yourself, which can have a devastating impact.
According to research, adolescents who were encouraged by their peers to engage in risky behavior were more likely to do risky behavior themselves, showing that peer pressure truly can impact our decision-making skills. So, it's important to surround ourselves with good influences; if not, it might come back to bite us.
4. They give you bad advice
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When we're unsure of what to do, it's only natural to turn to our friends. But if you have someone in your life who secretly hates you, they might use this as an opportunity to hurt you by purposely giving you bad advice.
For instance, if you're having relationship problems and end up confiding in a friend who is out to get you, they might encourage you to end the relationship because you can do better.
On the surface, this might sound like they actually care about you. But people who go to extreme measures often do it for a reason. And if they're hating on you, it's likely to jeopardize you or your relationship.
5. They involve you in their drama
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When a person in your life constantly involves you in drama, they probably have it out for you. Because people who stir the pot do so for a reason. Some do it because they're bored and some do it because they like the chaos of it all.
Regardless, it all ends the same — with you stressed. And stress is no joke. According to research, stress can affect the body in many different ways, including the human nervous system and the brain itself.
So, if you have a drama-starter in your life, do yourself a favor and kick them to the curb. Your mental health depends on it.
6. They blame you for their poor decisions
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There's nothing more frustrating than being blamed for someone else's poor decisions. Regardless of what you did, you are in charge of your actions. Nobody can make you react or speak out of turn.
As one study found, people who blame others have lower emotional regulation skills. So, if someone is constantly blaming you for everything wrong in life, they might have it out for you and are extremely immature.
Associating with these types of people isn't good for your mental health, which is why it's best to set boundaries and slowly distance yourself from the other person. Doing so will protect you and your sanity.
7. They dismiss your feelings
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When someone dismisses your feelings, it's deeply hurtful. But this pain is especially intense when the person is someone you care about.
Since you rely on them for support, it's shocking when they disregard your feelings, as if they never even mattered. So, it should come as no surprise that people who do this have it out for you.
They don't care about you or the impact their words have on you. And studies have shown that the dismissal of feelings leads to viewing the world differently. This results in emotions that are less positive, having more stressors, and feeling more intensely when you're in a negative mindset.
8. They embarrass you in front of others
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You're at a party and are surrounded by a group of friends. On your side is your best friend who secretly has it out for you. But how can you tell?
It's pretty easy to tell if someone doesn't like you. And all you need to do is see how they talk about you. Do they brag about you to others, or do they find ways to embarrass you?
If they uplift you, it's a sign that your friend is really on your side. But if they don't, they have something against you and could be embarrassing you on purpose.
It could be because they resent you, but it's more likely they resent themselves. Licensed counselor Erin Doyle Theodorou says, "When someone tries to shame you, they are trying to transfer their hurt and pain onto you. Shamers are projecting their own shame, their own painful emotions [onto you]."
9. They refuse to compromise
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The ability to compromise is the foundation for any relationship. So, it's strange when someone in your circle refuses to relent. It's almost like they purposely don't want to be equals.
According to the Gottman Institute, "compromise is essential to managing conflict in relationships." And if someone doesn't have the desire to manage this conflict, it can mean one or two things: they don't or they don't want to.
Regardless, this person isn't looking for ways to meet you halfway. They're looking for ways for you to submit, showcasing that this person might truly have a vendetta against you.
10. They push your boundaries
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It's a glaring red flag when someone in your life pushes boundaries. Not respecting someone else's boundaries isn't only disrespectful, it's also careless. It shows that this person doesn't care if they make you uncomfortable or upset; rather, the only thing they care about is getting their way, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
This is a tactic narcissists use to maintain power over someone. Diagnosed narcissist and coach Lee Hammock admits, "Boundaries are a narcissist's kryptonite because a lot of narcissists want to have total control over you."
Be wary of people like this. Even if they're not a narcissist, people like this likely have it out for you, so it's best to be careful.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.