12 Crystal-Clear Signs To Spot Someone Who Lacks Emotional Intelligence
People who exhibit these behaviors often lack self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
J Waye Covington | Unsplash You may know someone who never seems to be able to control their emotions or understand the feelings of others. Emotional intelligence is essential to practically every aspect of life. Many experts now believe that EQ (emotional quotient — a measure of a person's emotional intelligence) may be more important than IQ in determining overall success.
Low emotional intelligence can negatively impact interpersonal relationships and mental and physical health. People with high emotional intelligence tend to be better relationship partners. Does your partner have high EQ — and how to spot someone who lacks emotional intelligence?
Here are the signs to spot someone who lacks emotional intelligence:
1. Unable to control their emotions
Emotionally intelligent people can regulate and control their emotions. If your partner is prone to lashing out in anger — or gets over-the-top giddy for no reason — he or she likely lacks this core element of EQ.
2. Clueless about your feelings
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The ability to read others’ nonverbal emotional cues, such as facial expressions, is a critical component of EQ. If your partner can’t read your obvious displeasure or thinks that your happiness is contemptuous, there will be problems making emotional connections.
Psychologists often use questionnaires that assess emotional awareness, including questions about how easily individuals can identify and label their emotions. Researchers from a Frontiers in Psychology study used tasks where participants were presented with emotional scenarios and asked to identify the emotions expressed, allowing for comparisons between individuals with high and low emotional intelligence.
3. Can’t maintain friendships
High-EQ individuals have strong networks of friends and acquaintances. If your partner is unable to make or maintain good relationships with friends and colleagues, this is an indicator of low EQ.
4. Always has a 'poker face'
While reading others’ emotions is important for EQ, so is the ability to express your own. If you can never tell how or what your partner is feeling (especially if you are generally good at reading others’ emotions), it’s likely that your partner is missing this key element of emotional intelligence.
Consistently maintaining a poker face, meaning a lack of visible facial expressions, can be interpreted as a sign of low emotional intelligence. A 2015 study found that it indicates difficulty in both expressing one's own emotions and accurately reading the emotions of others, a key aspect of emotional intelligence.
Some people may naturally have more neutral facial expressions than others, and this doesn't necessarily reflect a lack of emotional intelligence.
5. Behaves emotionally inappropriately
Making jokes at a funeral; getting angry over nothing; and not realizing that he/she is angering someone — these are signs that your partner doesn’t understand the social workings of emotions and emotional expression, which is another important aspect of EQ.
6. Can’t cope with sadness
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An inability to manage others’ emotions indicates a lack of emotional intelligence. Low-EQ individuals have particular difficulty in reacting to others’ negative emotions.
While difficulty managing sadness can indicate low EI, it's important to consider situational factors and individual experiences that may contribute to emotional challenges.
A 2024 study found that therapists often focus on building emotional intelligence skills as a key component of treatment for depression and other mental health conditions, helping individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms to manage sadness.
7. Is emotionally tone-deaf
A great deal of emotion is communicated through tone of voice. If your partner can’t sense your irritation or joy from the next room, it may be an indicator of a deficit in detecting emotions in voice tone.
8. Can’t be sympathetic
Empathy and sympathy involve recognizing others' emotional states and reflecting on appropriate emotional concerns. This is a complex skill that suggests high levels of emotional intelligence.
A lack of sympathy is often considered a key sign of low emotional intelligence, as empathy and the ability to understand and share others' emotions are core components of emotional intelligence. A 2019 survey found that this means someone who struggles to show sympathy likely has difficulty perceiving and responding appropriately to others' feelings.
9. Has no volume control
Of course, we’re talking about emotional volume here. Too-loud emotional reactions, whether positive or negative, suggest difficulty in controlling emotions.
10. Is completely unmoved by emotional movies
Whether they are love stories, thrillers, or horror films, a good indicator of low EQ is having little emotional resonance with a film. Being largely unmoved by emotional movies can be considered a potential indicator of low emotional intelligence, as it may reflect a difficulty in accurately perceiving and responding to the emotions of others.
However, a 2019 study explained that it's important to note that this is not a definitive diagnosis, and other factors could contribute to a lack of emotional response to films.
11. Trivializes emotions in general
Low-EQ individuals are often somewhat aware of it and will, therefore, downplay the importance of emotions, saying that what matters is cool, calm logic, and cognition. Don’t be fooled: Emotions are not only an important part of communication and relationship development, but they are also critical for effective thinking, particularly when it comes to dealing with crises or risks.
12. Can't perceive how a pet is feeling
Dogs are social animals with a wide range of emotions and emotional displays. If your partner appears unaware of your dog’s emotional state, it may be a sign of low EQ. An inability to accurately read a dog's emotional state can be considered a sign of a lack of emotional intelligence, as it demonstrates a difficulty in perceiving and interpreting subtle social cues.
A key component of emotional intelligence, especially when applied to understanding other beings, including animals like dogs. A 2021 study showed that individuals with higher emotional intelligence tend to be better at recognizing canine emotional cues like body language and facial expressions, suggesting a correlation between the two abilities.
Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D., is the Henry R. Kravis Professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology at Claremont McKenna College.