9 Signs Someone In Your Life Is A Sociopath, According To Psychology
Know what to look for.
AlexD75 | Canva According to statistics, roughly 1-4% of the population could be sociopaths. Because of the general lack of awareness about personality disorders in society, and the lack of education about it, there is no generally accepted terminology to describe various aspects of the experience.
However descriptive language has evolved among online communities of survivors. Here is a vocabulary to help you name what you experienced. When you can name it, you can begin to recover from it.
Here are 9 signs someone in your life is a sociopath, according to psychology:
1. They love bomb you
When sociopaths set about reeling you in, a key seduction strategy is love bombing. They shower you with attention and affection, want to be with you all the time, and make you feel like the most important person in the world.
Antoni Shkraba / Pexels
Sociopaths love bomb because they're secretly insecure and need affirmation, and this is the only way for them to receive it, according to research from the University of Arkansas.
Not all sociopaths engage in love bombing, but many do. They may use the strategy even when a relationship isn’t romantic, for example, flattering you if you’re the boss.
2. They see you as a target
Sociopaths don’t look at you as a friend, colleague, or romantic partner, they look at you as a target to be exploited.
When sociopaths meet you, they first evaluate you to determine if you have anything that they want, then figure out what your vulnerabilities are, and then use your vulnerabilities to get you to give them what they want.
3. They make you feel sorry for them
Here’s another key sociopathic seduction strategy: the pity play. Sociopaths try to make you feel sorry for them. They will tell you about their abusive childhood, their cheating exes, or their dictatorial bosses.
Of course, they lie a lot, so the stories may or may not be true. The bottom line is that sociopaths intentionally use your empathy against you.
4. They exhibit Jekyll and Hyde behavior
This classic story of a man who turns from mild-mannered to a monster perfectly describes the behavior of sociopaths.
One minute they love you, the next minute they hate you. They change like flipping a switch, and you have absolutely no idea what triggered it.
5. They gaslight you
In the 1944 movie Gaslight, the villain intentionally tries to make his wife feel like she’s losing her mind. If you watch the movie, you might wonder, who does that? Sociopaths do.
Sociopaths will tell you something, and then deny they ever said the words. They will hide objects and ask you what you did with them.
They will ask you to do something, and then after you do it, ask you why you did it. Their goal is to make you doubt your perceptions.
6. They have other people do their 'dirty work'
Here’s another movie reference — The Wizard of Oz. In this film, the flying monkeys do the bidding of the Wicked Witch of the West. Sociopaths often find their own flying monkeys — people who do their dirty work.
Some of these stooges gleefully go along with the sociopaths’ schemes. But others are manipulated themselves and have no idea that they are part of a plot.
For example, sociopaths are capable of turning your family members against you without them even knowing it.
7. They devalue and discard you
Once upon a time, you were the most important person in the world. But sooner or later, sociopaths are finished with you. They’ve taken all your love, money, or whatever it was that they wanted, and you are depleted.
Now you are no longer useful, so the sociopaths rationalize that there is no reason to keep you around. You are discarded.
8. They run a smear campaign on you
As your involvement with the sociopaths deteriorates, you may look for support among your friends and family. To your shock, nobody believes you.
Long before you realize that the sociopaths are toxic, they start undermining you with everyone you know. They wonder aloud about your mental or emotional stability.
They tell outrageous stories about how you have wronged them all lies. But they are so convincing that their accusations stick and your support system is gone.
9. They lure you back in after they treat you badly
Finally, it’s over. Either you escape from the sociopaths or you are discarded. Either way, you are doing your best to move on.
Then they’re back. The sociopaths are hoovering, as in the vacuum cleaner, trying to suck you back in. They tell you they realize they made a mistake, they treated you badly, they’re sorry, they’ll never do it again. Don’t fall for it. It’s just the same scam, the sequel.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Donna Andersen is a writer and author who offers advice on escape and recovery from sociopaths, psychopaths, or narcissists. She has appeared on TV shows like ABC 20/20 and The Ricki Lake Show, as well as in digital and print media publications like Psychology Today, Marie Claire, Thought Catalog, and Daily Mail.