5 Signs Someone Grew Up In A Home That Punished Intelligence And It’s Affecting Them Now
People who felt forced to hide their intelligence growing up often experience side effects that last well into adulthood.
Dejan Stanic Micko | Shutterstock For some, the future of their children is a top priority. Building a positive future often involves fostering a child's intelligence and supporting them through school. While many parents naturally want to be involved in their child’s education, in some households, being intelligent is viewed negatively and even punished.
Intelligence isn’t just about being book smart; it also includes the ability to question things and think critically. In certain households, thinking outside the box or challenging norms is seen as unacceptable and can lead to punishment.
This is the point that a woman who goes by Miz Lizard Brain highlighted in a recent TikTok post. Miz Lizard Brain, who specializes in learning theory, brain science, and data literacy, reminded viewers that what it means to be "smart" at home is a very different reality for some and explained why.
Five signs someone grew up in a home that punished intelligence:
1. They avoid learning new things
Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock
According to Miz Lizard Brain, "A lot of you may not realize that the reason many people avoid learning new things is because, for them, learning feels like trauma." She explained that this trauma stems from growing up in families where learning new things was viewed negatively, and intellectual curiosity was discouraged or even punished.
Relationship specialist Annie Tanasugarn, Ph.D., CCTSA, writing for Psychology Today, noted that childhood trauma is often long-lasting and chronic. Adult survivors of childhood trauma can struggle with processing their experiences, which can lead to a range of emotional, psychological, and physical symptoms.
This trauma can also shape future behavior patterns. If you were taught to fear learning or thinking critically as a child, you might carry that fear into adulthood, unconsciously avoiding learning new things without even realizing it.
2. They have a fear of expressing ideas or opinions
Miz Lizard Brain went on to explain that many of us are familiar with the phrase, “Don't get smart with me.” She pointed out that when kids challenged authority or questioned the status quo, they were often labeled a "smart aleck," which is directly linked to that common parenting phrase.
Such a negative association could lead to a fear of expressing ideas and opinions, since they were often shut down or punished. The shy behavior some people develop might stem from this type of household environment, where expressing oneself intellectually was discouraged.
Writing for Psychology Today, clinical psychologist Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D., explained that introverted personality traits are often a trauma response, and adults with social anxiety disorder are more likely to have experienced adverse childhood experiences. In these situations, the child may be slow to warm up or cautious in social interactions, and if their feelings are shamed, blamed, or mocked by their parents — who failed to guide them through discomfort, teach social skills, or support them in navigating social challenges — the child begins to see the social world as threatening.
3. They downplay their intelligence
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Some people downplay their intelligence to fit into their family, and this behavior can carry over into their school and social life, where they might continue minimizing their intelligence to blend in with their peers. One reason for this is the desire to feel normal and avoid standing out.
Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., explained that intelligence isn’t always perceived positively. He shared: "For if they routinely offer an answer no one else can come up with, they’re likely to have the uncomfortable experience of being glared at. Or even being made fun of or bullied on the playground."
4. They fear appearing stereotypically 'smart'
To make matters worse, Miz Lizard Brain explained that we are burdened by many stereotypes about what a "smart" person looks like, sounds like, and how they act. As a result, some people become afraid of appearing smart in any way. Professor Lori Kendall from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign explained that some people associate "nerds" with being really into computers and looking a certain way — like wearing glasses and being shy.
This stereotype is still common in pop culture and can affect people in many ways, limiting opportunities and shaping perceptions in harmful ways.
5. They grew up with authority figures who had an intellectual superiority complex
Another sign you grew up in a home that stifled your intelligence is being raised by authority figures with an intellectual superiority complex. One Reddit user sought advice on the subject, asking, "Were anyone’s parents threatened by your intelligence?" by some Reddit users. Reflecting on their childhood, they described how, despite being bright kid, their father neglected their education. Their father would often call them "silly," which meant "stupid and funny."
The Reddit user also shared how their father tried teaching concepts far beyond their grasp, like Pascal’s triangle, when they were too young to understand. As a result, the child struggled to grasp the material. The Reddit user explained, “I think he did this to feel superior to me and show me that he knew so much. He liked talking about how smart he was too.”
For some, this behavior can feel like being around someone who believes they are intellectually superior, which can leave you feeling inferior in so many ways. That sense of doubt doesn't simply go away in adulthood, either. Without deep introspection, it can linger and cause issues with self-esteem and ultimately limit potential in all aspects of life.
Regardless of your past experiences, being smart is actually a good thing. It’s something to be admired, and what you might have seen as a negative is, in fact, a strength.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.