9 Signs Someone Is Annoyed With You But Is Trying To Hide It
Their words won't reveal much, but their actions will.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock No matter how much we care about someone, we're bound to come into conflict with them at some point in time. A fight might start over something small, like not doing the dishes or forgetting to buy milk, but then it grows into something bigger.
This is often a sign of unresolved issues lying underneath the surface. After all, it's just milk. Yet even small arguments have a way of triggering people's emotions. Usually, there are subtle signs someone is annoyed with you but trying to hide it.
Being annoyed at times is part of having relationships with other people, whether they're friendships or romantic partnerships. While annoyance is both common and normal, it's the way you approach that feeling that makes a difference.
Here are 9 signs someone is annoyed with you but is trying to hide it
1. They say, 'Don't worry about it'
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If you're in a fight with a loved one and they suddenly say, "Don't worry about it," it means they're annoyed but they don't want to tell you outright. The sentiment they're expressing doesn't match how they really feel. They're telling you not to concern yourself with the issue at hand, but really, they want you to care.
People say this phrase when they have strong emotions that they don't know how to process. It's often a response to feeling ignored or disregarded. While those emotions are valid, not saying them out loud puts the other person in a difficult position, as though they're expected to read your mind and respond to something you're not actually telling them.
We can't help someone if they don't ask for help, which is why saying "Don't worry about it" can make the emotional distance between two people even wider.
2. They give you the silent treatment
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Another sign someone is annoyed but trying to hide it is if they give you silent treatment. It's one thing to say you need space to calm down or process how you're feeling, and it's something else entirely to shut down and stop talking on purpose.
Licensed professional counselor Gina Binder described the silent treatment as a pattern of behavior where one person demands and the other withdraws. "When people exhibit this pattern, communication, intimacy, and relationship satisfaction plummet," she explained.
Binder noted that silence itself isn't exactly the issue, it's the way silence is wielded. The silent treatment weaponizes being quiet, as it's usually performed with an aggressive attitude. People who use the silent treatment might not be speaking, but they're letting their actions speak for them.
Binder shared a process for breaking out of this damaging pattern, starting with having a discussion about fighting when you're not in a fight. She advised people to talk openly about what their needs are when their emotions are activated and negotiate tactics they can use that are less harmful than icing the other person out.
3. They have tense body language
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You can tell a lot about how a person feels by how they hold themselves.
When someone is relaxed and content, they reflect those feelings with their body. They might smile or have a neutral expression. They may hold their arms loosely at their sides and generally appear open to the people around them.
But when someone is annoyed but trying to hide it, their frustration often leaks out, without them saying a word.
Having tense body language is an indication that someone is trying to hide how annoyed they really are. They might clench their jaw or put a forced smile on their face. They'll probably avoid making eye contact, cross their arms, and tighten their shoulders.
Holding emotions in or pretending they don't exist isn't a healthy way to manage hard feelings. Inevitably, those feelings rise to the surface and explode out.
Hiding your annoyance doesn't make you feel better. It makes you feel even more annoyed, to the point where every little thing makes you angry.
Expressing how annoyed you are lets you release the feelings from your body. It helps create space for conversation and, ultimately, for repair.
4. Their tone of voice is overly polite
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Body language isn't the only way for people to reveal feelings they've buried. Their level of annoyance can also come through in their tone of voice. Sometimes, this means speaking in a harsh or curt way, but other times, it means being a little too polite.
Someone might try to mask their annoyance by becoming sugary sweet and upbeat. Their voice might seem warm and welcoming on the surface, but there's usually a brittle, cold undertone that they can't quite hide.
It's possible that people who veer into overly polite territory when they're annoyed weren't taught how to navigate difficult emotions. Maybe their parents told them to "Be nice" when they were upset or reprimanded them for expressing their anger. They might not even notice the change in how they're communicating.
Getting in touch with your true emotions might seem insurmountable, but it's something that grows easier with practice. Having a safe space to explore how you feel helps the process of learning how to handle your harder emotions.
5. Their breathing is exaggerated
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The way a person breathes can also be an indication that they're annoyed but trying to hide it.
When we're calm, our breathing is quiet and occurs at an even pace. When we're upset, our breathing pattern shifts. Our internal agitation manifests externally: We breathe faster, harder, and in a more pronounced way.
Someone who's annoyed with you but trying to hide it might show it by sighing excessively and loudly. Their exaggerated sighs are a signal that something is bothering them, but they don't want to come right out and say it.
6. They change the subject
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Talking directly with your partner about your relationship issues is a healthy approach to conflict resolution, but that doesn't make it an easy one. It can feel scary and destabilizing to say what you really feel, which is why people avoid difficult conversations.
If you bring up a tough topic and your partner switches the subject, it could be a sign that they're trying to hide how annoyed they are.
According to psychotherapist Joan E. Childs, there's one essential aspect to resolving conflicts, known as "presencing." Childs explained that presencing is an act of mindfulness that involves a "Willingness to be in the here and now, focused, attuned, and mindful of your partner with an open heart and mind. It includes active listening and patience."
Effective communication doesn't arrive out of thin air. It's something that couples need to commit to and work on, while acknowledging that there will be bumps in the road. Finding a communication style that works for both people is often a process of trial and error, but the act of opening up to one another is a vulnerable and powerful way to stay connected.
7. They downplay their feelings
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Some people tamp down their more difficult emotions, as though they're trying to make them disappear altogether.
They might tell you directly that they don't want to talk about something, which is a clear sign that they're annoyed. Yet they might also express annoyance by engaging in conversation, yet downplaying how they actually feel. Someone who's annoyed but trying to hide it might say the following phrases: "It's fine," "It doesn't matter," "I don't care," or, "I said I'm okay."
Being annoyed is an unpleasant feeling, one that some people try to completely avoid. Yet diminishing their own feelings only serves to mask what's really going on inside. In order for you to be able to show up and offer emotional support, they first have to recognize and share their true emotions.
8. They tell you they're busy
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Another way someone can show they're annoyed with you is through literal avoidance.
When you ask your partner to sit down and talk, they tell you they're busy or that they don't have the time. They might leave the room when you walk in or turn the volume up on the TV. They might start doing chores or answering work emails, all to avoid their feelings.
This form of avoidant communication isn't limited to romantic relationships. It can show up in friendships and family relationships, too. Maybe your friend ignores your texts, then tells you how busy they've been. Maybe your mom says she can't talk whenever you call home.
Avoiding our problems only makes them get bigger, scarier, and harder to handle, especially when it comes to feelings of frustration or anger.
9. They deflect responsibility
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A person who's annoyed but tries to hide it will usually lash out in some other way. They might deny they're annoyed, while simultaneously sending out negative energy or making barbed comments.
Deflecting responsibility is a sign someone is annoyed. They might tell you to "figure it out yourself" when you ask a question or say, "It's not my problem," instead of offering a helpful answer. They might even blame you outright for what's wrong, like telling you a recurring issue is all your fault.
Someone who struggles to accept accountability for their feelings might not have learned the skills required to build up their emotional intelligence. According to psychologist Nick Wignall, an unwillingness or inability to let oneself feel bad is a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Deflection is another indication that someone struggles with emotional literacy. It's connected to not letting yourself feel the full range of an emotional experience. Yet as Wignall explained, big feelings can feel bad, but that doesn't mean they are bad.
Offering yourself kindness and compassion is a crucial part of accepting how you feel. Recognizing annoyance or any other emotion for exactly what it is helps us realize that no feeling is permanent.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.