11 Signs A Person Is In A Serious Rut In Life That Everyone Notices Except Them
There's no worse feeling than being stuck and not even noticing it.
DIProduction | Shutterstock Everyone goes through their fair share of ups and downs at some point. From not getting their dream job to a long-term relationship ending, people need to pick themselves up and keep moving forward if they ever want to recover from let-downs. But sometimes, moving forward can be tough when a person doesn't realize why they're so out of sorts.
The signs a person is in a serious rut in life that everyone notices except them may not be obvious at first, as they may be in their own world, unaware that their behaviors have changed. While these individuals might tell others they're content, by the look in their eyes, everyone notices their misery — except them.
Here are 11 signs a person is in a serious rut in life that everyone notices except them
1. They complain constantly
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People who are truly unhappy don't have the most positive mindset. Feeling as if they're not living up to their fullest potential, they know there's something wrong, but can't pinpoint it. And, as such, they tend to complain a lot about anything and everything going wrong in their life.
They're trying to make their voices heard without telling people they're unhappy, but constantly complaining is bound to backfire at some point. Whether they meant for it to or not, this negativity can absolutely impact their brain.
According to a 1996 Stanford study, people who complain for 30 minutes are more likely to damage their hippocampus, the part of the brain associated with new memories, learning, and emotions. So, while there's nothing wrong with them voicing their opinion, people who complain a lot should be wary. Not only is this detrimental to their brain function, but it's a sign they're in a serious rut.
2. They have extremely low energy
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Life can be draining at times, whether it's balancing work and life or dealing with unexpected financial situations, small things can pile up into bigger things that slowly drain people's energy. If someone constantly feels depleted, it could be one of the more glaring signs a person is in a serious rut in life that everyone notices except them.
Everyone needs to have a good amount of energy to show up and be the best version of themselves. Unfortunately, life has its ups and downs, and those demands force people to conserve their energy for the things that count most.
Unless someone is important to them, people with low energy are often burnt out to the point of exhaustion. As a result, their priorities shift, which may or may not include their loved ones and the important values they have.
3. They reminisce about the 'good old days'
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Everyone thinks about their past at some point, from the good memories of being with friends to their wedding day, there are plenty of ways in which the average person reminisces about the "good old days." Still, thinking about it too much can be a problem.
While thinking about the past is fine and can help satiate nostalgia, there's a line. Living too much in the past, people can forget to live in the present, which can undoubtedly cause them to isolate themselves. They're so focused on their past experiences that they forget to create new experiences in the here and now.
As psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson said, "The past must be processed and healed. Until that happens, it may remain too present." It can be difficult to reverse this habit once it's been ingrained, so people can ground themselves or seek professional help if necessary. Otherwise, they run the risk of staying stuck in the past forever.
4. There's no excitement when they talk about their future
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Many kids daydream about the moment they become adults and go out into the real world. With money of their own and freedom beyond their wildest imagination, these bright-eyed children are filled with excitement when they discuss their future.
Yet, as people grow older, things slowly begin to change and people lose that spark. Feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, they lack the excitement they once had, especially when thinking about or discussing their plans for the future.
A spark of joy is a sign that someone is content and happy in life. But when people no longer feel excited or thrilled about their future, they're barely living in the present. For some unexplained reason, they are struggling, stuck in a constant cycle of stagnation as they try to make sense of their life.
5. They isolate themselves
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One of the most obvious signs a person is in a serious rut in life that everyone notices except them is when they begin isolating themselves. When people aren't happy in life, they're quick to shut other people out, essentially making things worse for themselves and their mental health.
According to experts from Psychology Today, "While a person can't die simply from feeling too lonely, findings that lonely people have higher rates of mortality and certain diseases supports the idea that, over time, chronic loneliness can play a role in increasing the risk of dying."
Despite isolating themselves, people who are stuck in a rut like this should understand the importance of having a support system. Whether it's parents or close friends, having someone to lean on during tough moments is essential.
6. They engage in negative self-talk
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It's okay not to feel confident sometimes. In fact, we all go through periods where we don't feel our best. But by engaging in constant negative self-talk, it can eat away at a person's confidence and the way they see themselves in the world.
They could have everything at their fingertips, like their dream job or the home they always wanted, but still talk down to themselves about the smallest things. And because of this, they don't notice how unhappy they are and can't make the active changes necessary to thrive in life.
However, during moments like this, it's important to address the negative self-talk before it impacts them. According to a study published in Brain Sciences, negative rumination can lead to an increase in mental health problems. This is why it's important to change this bad habit before it impacts them for the worse.
7. They've stopped enjoying their hobbies
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Whether it's reading a good book or practicing playing an instrument, people who are in a serious rut may begin to drift from the hobbies they once enjoyed. They feel trapped and lost, and pull away from the things that bring them joy.
On the surface, it might not sound like a huge deal. After all, people pick up and let go of hobbies all the time. However, a loss of interest combined with not engaging in something anymore indicates there's a problem. Whether this means someone is depressed or going through a rough patch, people should check in on them, especially when they realize something isn't right.
Even if a person appears perfectly fine, letting them know that you're there for them can make all the difference. And if someone is on the receiving end and doesn't know how to get out of this rut, depending on others can help reset their mind.
8. They procrastinate a lot
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People procrastinate in every area of life, whether it's putting off assignments at work or not wanting to do chores at home. But when someone is always procrastinating, letting their daily responsibilities pile up or pass them by, it's an indicator that there's an issue.
While temporary procrastination is perfectly fine, stalling too much comes with its fair share of risks. If someone is a chronic procrastinator, they might claim that they work better under pressure, but this amount of pressure comes with a price.
According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, procrastinators are prone to poor performance, lower exam scores, slower job promotions, and poorer health. So, not only is it an indication that their mental health is likely suffering, it shows that they're an overall mess. And getting themselves out of this rut is the only way to bring some joy back into their life.
9. They're always waiting for the right time
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When a person is excited about seeing an old friend, they may be nervous because they don't know what to say or do after a long passage of time. On the other hand, they're excited to catch up and reconnect, but it may come crashing down as they observe their distant friend.
While they might appear great on the outside, if they're experiencing a rut, they may wait "for the right time." The right time might be when they ask for a favor or want to discuss something that may bring up bad feelings. No matter what it is, just waiting around for the proper time may indicate they're lacking motivation, and are suffering from negative thinking.
According to writer and humorist Robert Wilson, there are a few things to do when suffering from a lack of motivation. "Try to change your thoughts and what you are focusing on. Focusing on your lack of motivation will only reinforce it. Try using mindfulness techniques to bring you back into the present to stop yourself from ruminating on the past or future tripping. When you feel negative thoughts developing, shift into positive thinking by reciting an affirmation or two," he recommended.
10. They're overly attached to routine
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One of the more subtle signs a person is in a serious rut in life that everyone notices except them is if they won't ever break from their routine. They may wake up at a specific time, have the same dinner each night, and head to bed after watching their favorite show. And when they can't stick to their routine, they become flustered.
While there's nothing wrong with having a routine and staying organized, there's such a thing as being overly attached to a routine. People who do this can't seem to let go of what they're used to, likely because it offers them a sense of control and stability.
Unfortunately for them, constantly needing to have control over everything won't work out well. According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, perfectionism often leads to control issues, which can increase frustration and anxiety.
So, while having a routine is great, people shouldn't let it dictate their entire life. As great as it may feel to feel in control, this carefully crafted leash can unintentionally be used to hold people back without them realizing it.
11. They never want to try anything new
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Understandably, human beings love predictability. The brain is designed to want to remain the same way, which can explain why many people refuse to change their beliefs, or why they gravitate to the same things. But an extreme level of predictability can lead to boredom, the quickest way to take the passion and spark out of someone's life. No longer feeling inspired, people may feel helpless and as if there's no purpose.
Yet, this isn't the only damaging thing about boredom. According to a study published in Frontiers in Sociology, while there are benefits to boredom like creative inspiration or innovation, "boredom can also have negative consequences such as decreased productivity, poor mental health, and even physical health problems."
While there's nothing wrong with wanting to order the same thing at a restaurant or go hiking on trails a person has done many times before, if we don't step out of our comfort zone, we're holding ourselves back. After all, there's a thrill in doing things we've never tried before.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
