If You Recognize These 10 Emotions, People In Your Life Are Likely Walking All Over You
It's up to you to stand up for yourself.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock Boundaries are unwritten rules people have in order to protect themselves from the behavior of others, while getting their wants and needs met. But when you’re allowing others to cross your boundaries by not reinforcing them, you let them walk all over you — and it has big emotional side effects.
Having people "walk all over you" means allowing others to treat you poorly, disrespectfully, or take advantage of your kindness and generosity. When you permit others to mistreat you, they may exploit your vulnerability, use you for their own gain, and disregard your needs and well-being.
It's basically saying you're a "pushover" or a "doormat." That's why it's essential to assert yourself and establish healthy boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of.
Here are 10 signs you're letting people walk all over you
1. You feel put out
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Feeling taken advantage of or put out is a direct result of giving more than you should be reasonably giving, and then expecting something in return.
This issue is boundary-related because if you had pulled back on giving when you saw a lack of appreciation or reciprocation, you wouldn’t feel resentful that you aren’t gaining what you had hoped to receive. As such, you can begin to feel down on yourself.
2. You don't quite know how to say 'no'
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Not being able to say no means people may regularly request things they have no business asking from you, or you have a tendency to people-please (or both). It's problematic and reveals that you aren't being clear on your needs before making the shift between giving and pulling back.
We teach people how to treat us. When you don’t speak up and say "no" (thus reinforcing your boundaries), you’re perpetuating the problem by training them to think that whatever they want you to do is acceptable.
3. You consistently find yourself in bad situations
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If you regularly feel like people are crossing the line with you, it's yet another sign that your boundaries aren’t strong or reinforced, and that people aren't respecting you.
If you’re allowing people to not adhere to your boundaries, it's a violation. You might not even realize that boundaries are the problem, just that you’re feeling bad since people in your life keep pushing the limit.
When you find yourself in bad situations where you're being taken for granted and your kindness abused, taking a step back and looking at the situation from an outside point of view is the best course of action to take.
4. You blame others
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If you feel like other people are largely responsible for your hurts, it's important to realize that blame and recrimination of others means you either are allowing people to not adhere to your boundaries or they weren't firm in the first place.
Blaming others will get you nowhere if you want overcome feeling walked all over. Instead, once you start taking more responsibility for your part in each situation, it becomes easier to see where you didn’t honor your boundaries.
5. You have trouble expressing your feelings, needs and wants
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It’s common for people with boundary issue to not know exactly what they desire. But being able to express your wants and needs gives you the advantage over people who try to exploit your kindness.
You may stew internally, but by not getting your needs met with clear communication, you’re compounding the problem. Look within and do a bit of searching to figure out why you have trouble verbalizing your needs.
6. You assume people will fix their behavior themselves
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Though you may wish and hope that someone will come through for you, you're only letting yourself down. When people consistently disappoint you, it's clear you expect too much from someone who isn’t invested enough to give to you.
This may also be a sign that your needs don't line up with reality, and you aren’t making the hard decisions needed to keep the relationship or friendship afloat. Because you can't expect people to abide by your boundaries or needs if they aren't realistic.
7. You don't feel heard
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If you're expected to be there for your friends or partner, and listen to them without interruption, they should be willing to do the same for you. But, oftentimes, when people are walking all over you, you feel neglected and silenced.
It's not right for these people in your life to take your support for granted, all while dismissing your problems or not giving you the attention you deserve. This type of one-sided behavior is selfish and unfair in a relationship of any kind.
8. You're invisible... until someone needs your help
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This is a very obvious sign people are taking advantage of you. You might notice that people frequently seek your assistance, but don't want to give anything in return.
Whether it's borrowing money or asking for advice, a healthy relationship or friendship involves a balance of give and take. Both parties support one another and show genuine care.
However, if you find that you're always the one giving, and your friend is taking without reciprocating, it's concerning and is a one-sided relationship.
9. You're the back-up plan
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It's a sad sign when you find that you're the second choice and not a priority.
If your friends or partner would rather hang out with someone else over you, understand that you shouldn't be an option in your relationships; rather, you should be just as important.
If you're excluded from an event or chosen over someone else, shut it down immediately. You're not going to settle for being the "back-up."
10. You boundary shift
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Boundary shifting is when you adapt your boundaries to accommodate other people's needs. For example, if you have a boundary that you don't want to stay late at work, but your co-worker frequently asks you to, you change your schedule for them.
When you change or remove a boundary altogether just because your friend or partner doesn't like it, this isn't healthy. Your boundaries are set by you alone in order to protect yourself, not to people-please others.
If you’re experiencing these 10 things, it’s time to examine the behavior you’ve continued to allow.
You can either continue to be the victim, or you can institute consequences when you start to feel like you’re not getting your needs met. It's best to choose the latter.
Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.