14 Signs Your Partner Sees You As Just A Rebound, According To Psychology
If these signs sound familiar, your partner may be using you to get over his last heartbreak.
twinsterphoto | Canva Nothing temporarily numbs the sting of a breakup quite like a rebound relationship. Yes, they can occasionally be toxic, but under the right circumstances, they can be beneficial. Sometimes they can even grow into something amazing!
This only works, however, when both people in the rebound are on the same page about what the relationship is. In other words, there are few things crueler than dragging an unwitting new partner into your emotional baggage while letting them believe your new relationship is the real deal. Sometimes, though, someone won’t even admit to themselves that they’re rebounding, much less the person they’re seeing.
Here are the signs your partner sees you as just a rebound:
1. They’re in love with you for no real reason
Not that you’re not amazing and lovable or anything, but they barely know you well enough to even know that yet.
Are they calling you The One even though you just met, like, ten seconds ago? In quiet moments, between basking in the adoration, do you feel sort of like a blank canvas they’re projecting their feelings onto?
2. The relationship moves fast and slow at the same time
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On the surface, your relationship is growing at warp speed. Within a few weeks, they’re declaring their love for you, you’re all but living together, and nearly every waking moment is spent in each other’s company.
Weirdly, though, you feel like you’ve barely gotten to know them in between all those grandiose declarations and epic intimate sessions, and there’s a strange lack of actual commitment compared to how much time they spend with you.
A study published in the Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences concluded this often indicates a dynamic of mixed signals, inconsistent commitment, or underlying anxieties within the relationship. One partner might be fully invested and eager to progress, while the other is hesitant or holding back, creating a sense of uneven pacing and confusion for both parties.
3. Your connection feels abnormally fulfilling or abnormally empty
Is this person conveniently everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner and so emotionally available so quickly that they seem to have literally nothing else going on in their lives? Does that make you wonder sometimes if it’s all too good to be true?
That friend is the danger zone, second only to a coupling that leaves you feeling lonely and empty when you’re together.
4. You sense a lingering bitterness over their ex
Maybe they insist they’re over their last relationship, but now and then they lash out, seemingly out of nowhere, about what a monster their former lover is. 2017 research found this often stems from unresolved emotional issues related to the breakup, such as feelings of betrayal, hurt, or injustice.
These can manifest as anger, resentment, and difficulty moving on. They can also impact their relationship by causing comparisons, negativity, and a lack of full emotional availability to their new partner.
5. They seem really into making their ex jealous
They parade you around like a prop at parties where their ex is in attendance or get a bizarre, twitchy look of satisfied malice in their eyes when hitting the “post” button on couple-y selfies of you two like they’re barely stifling the wicked laugh of a movie villain. Creepy.
6. They’re fixated on their ex
Do they talk about the pain of their past relationship ad nauseam? Do they still keep an excessive amount of pictures of the ex around the house? Do they cry on your shoulders about their heartbreak a lot?
Make no mistake, it is not some great honor that you have been chosen to nurse their feelings back to health, and no, you cannot “fix” them. It’s easy to assume that once they’ve finally healed from the breakup, they’ll look to you as the valiant goddess who swept into their life at just the right time to make it all better, but odds are they’ll just sort of forget you exist.
If you can barely squeeze in a moment of actual fun between all their histrionics about their ex, run, don’t walk. When a partner seems fixated on their ex, it's often referred to as retroactive jealousy.
2022 research explained this means they are experiencing obsessive thoughts and feelings related to their partner's past relationship, potentially stemming from insecurities, unresolved issues with their ex, or a lack of full commitment to the current relationship. This can significantly damage the trust and stability of the new partnership.
7. You're intimate a lot
There are a million other reasons you might be having tons of great intimacy with someone you’re into, but rebounders in particular like to use intimacy as a means of distraction that allows them to feel connected to someone without diving into the nitty gritty of deeper emotions.
If they claim to be in a committed, “serious” relationship with you, yet never want to talk about anything more profound than the weather in between banging your brains out, take it as a warning sign.
8. The end of their former relationship came as a big shock to them
When a person knows their relationship is dead long before it ends, they have more time to mourn it and may take less time to heal after it’s finally over. If this bae was dumped out of the blue and left reeling, chances are higher that they haven’t had enough time to heal before committing to someone new.
Suppose the end of your partner's previous relationship shocked them. In that case, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that it likely meant they were emotionally invested in that relationship.
Its sudden termination caused significant psychological distress, potentially leading to feelings of confusion, disbelief, hurt, and even trauma depending on the circumstances of the breakup, leaving them needing time to process and heal before fully engaging in a new relationship.
9. They want to act like a long-term couple even though you just started dating
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Maybe they’ve already decided on what side of the bed you’ll sleep on, or force the creation of “adorable” inside jokes. They talk to you as if you’ve been together for years instead of for a few seconds.
They want to lounge around the house with you in sweats and run errands together instead of going out and about like newer couples tend to do. They already have a set relationship routine (probably leftover from their ex), and you’ve just been dropped into the middle of it.
10. You don’t have much in common
Of course, you don’t, because all you’re doing is being intimate and watching Netflix as they did with their ex. Not having much in common with your partner can challenge a relationship. Still, this doesn't necessarily mean incompatibility.
A 2022 study concluded it depends on how you navigate those differences, with key factors including communication, shared values, and a willingness to explore new experiences. Some couples may find that contrasting interests can add richness and diversity to their relationship.
11. Their interest in you suddenly changes or runs hot and cold
Does their obsession with you abruptly morph into a cold distance that is way more dramatic than your typical end-of-honeymoon settling into each other? Are they inexplicably moody? Do they exhibit classic commitment-phobe behaviors?
In the wake of their last breakup, they don’t know what they want or what they’re even doing, and you’re getting caught in the crossfire.
12. They don’t know much about themselves
Most people have hobbies, life goals, and anything that establishes who they are as individuals. Right after a breakup, it’s easy to feel like those things have changed or disappeared completely.
If they can’t tell you much of anything about themselves besides retelling the trauma of the breakup, it’s a pretty clear sign they haven’t taken the time to heal and reassess who they are without their ex.
13. They make you feel like you’re constantly being measured against some invisible yardstick
Maybe you’re being told all the time out of the blue that you’re so much better than their ex, or you can tell they’re silently keeping a running tab between you and them. When a partner makes you feel constantly measured against impossible standards, it's often a sign of their perfectionism, which can manifest as excessive criticism, high expectations, and a lack of appreciation for your efforts, leading to feelings of inadequacy, stress, and a damaged sense of self-worth within the relationship.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that underlying perfectionism can stem from a fear of being judged or seen as flawed, leading to difficulty expressing genuine emotions and vulnerability in the relationship.
14. They make you feel you were the first person they picked out of a lineup
This is such an awful way to feel, and once the idea’s in your head, it’s hard to ignore. It also means it’s time to run
This won’t be fun if you’ve started to get invested in this person, but sticking around and hoping they’ll magically love you for who you are and leave their ex in the dust will just hurt that much more. Set yourself free!
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