14 Clear Signs A Man Needs Constant Attention And Validation
If these signs sound familiar, no amount of admiration is enough for a man.
pixabay | Canva Getting attention and validation paid to you can be a great thing — or the thing of nightmares. Some folks really can’t stand having all eyes on them. Others, however, love attention. They love attention so darn much, it goes beyond just wanting to have others notice them.
Sadly, a need for constant attention often makes it hard to maintain a decent, drama-free relationship. Worried that the man you’re seeing constantly needs female attention and validation? You might want to bail if you notice a man doing with several of the indicators below.
Here are the signs a man needs constant attention and validation:
1. He takes selfies way more often than he should
Look, we all know that selfies are a thing everyone does. But there’s a difference between an occasional selfie versus someone whose phone has six selfies of him every day, all Photoshopped, filtered, and with cool garbage in the background.
2. His conversations are all about him
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Guys who constantly need attention usually don’t know how to get people to pay attention to them in conversation. So, they start to talk about themselves ... a lot.
In psychology, the phenomenon of someone consistently steering conversations back to themselves, making everything about them, is often referred to as conversational self-focus and is sometimes associated with narcissistic tendencies.
However, a 2022 study published by Nordic Psychology found that it can also stem from insecurity, social anxiety, or poor social skills.
3. He acts out if people aren’t talking about him or watching him
For guys like this, there really is no such thing as bad attention. If he doesn’t get enough attention by his standard, he will often cause a scene, start a fight, or even just start drama just so they’ll get people to notice them again.
As a result, he isn't often aren’t invited to parties or even good to take on dates.
4. His social media involves posting memes about himself
There’s something about this that’s just so cringe-worthy, that it has to be a sign that something ain’t right in his head. If he is trying to market himself as meme material, he probably either has narcissism issues or he can’t stand the idea that everyone isn’t paying attention to him.
When people post memes about themselves on social media, it can be interpreted as a psychological need for self-expression, validation, social connection, and sometimes even a hint of narcissism, depending on the content and frequency of the posts. A study from Tilburg University found that people use humor to present a specific image of themselves and engage with their online community.
5. His voice is so loud that it drowns out everyone else’s
I of all people know what it’s like to have a voice that carries. And, generally speaking, people with naturally booming voices know they have voices that are loud and will work to keep them at a normal-ish tone.
If the guy you’re dating has a voice that is drowning out people around you and tends to talk over anyone else, he’s got both attention-seeking issues and control issues.
6. He fishes for compliments
Everyone loves a good compliment, but a normal person won’t fish for them. If you notice him fishing for compliments, whining when he’s not being paid attention to, or doing anything that’s done for “Likes” on Facebook or Instagram, then you may have an attention-seeker on your hands.
From a psychological perspective, this is primarily driven by a desire for external validation, often stemming from underlying insecurity and a need to boost self-esteem by seeking praise from others. People bait others with seemingly modest posts to elicit compliments, revealing a more profound need for positive reinforcement.
A 2018 American Psychological Association study found that when others recognize fishing for compliments, it can come across as manipulative and disingenuous, potentially damaging relationships.
7. His social media posts are filled with drama
Some guys will post things about how they’re #foreveralone, or talk smack about people just so they can get a rise out of others. And while this is kind of normal behavior once in a while, these guys go overboard.
8. He’s obsessed with getting social media followers
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Normal people do not care about social media followers unless they are working in industries that ]require it. If he’s always trying to show off his Pinterest skills or trying to get more fans for his Facebook page, there might be a problem in terms of attention.
The psychology behind being obsessed with gaining social media followers is primarily tied to the brain's reward system, where receiving likes, comments, and follower notifications triggers a dopamine release, creating a sense of validation and encouraging users to seek more attention through posting and engagement.
2022 research from Frontiers in Psychiatry found this often leads to a cycle of compulsive behavior fueled by the desire for social approval and a perception of increased self-worth based on follower count. This can be further amplified by social comparison with others on the platform, fueling anxiety and low self-esteem if follower numbers are not perceived as adequate.
9. He ignores you when you two are out together
Guys who are attention-seeking have a lot in common with narcissists. Your needs will fall dead last if he notices that people are giving him attention or narcissistic supply.
Why? Because getting his fix matters more than how you feel.
10. He constantly name-drops
Attention "addicts" need to be in the cool crowd, and they will make a point of it to show how cool they are. If a DJ who’s spinning at the local club compliments them, you’ll hear about it. They won’t shut up about it for months.
An early study published in Social Influence found that the psychology behind constantly name-dropping on social media is often driven by a desire to boost one's perceived social status by associating oneself with influential or well-known people.
Seeking validation and appearing more important through these connections can stem from underlying insecurities or a narcissistic tendency to self-promote excessively.
11. He flirts, philanders, and won’t stop chatting up random women
You didn’t think that his need for attention stopped when it came to doing things that could be considered cheating, did you? Oh, no. He needs to feel desired 24/7, which means that no matter what you do, you alone will never be enough for him.
12. He insists he's a VIP when you go out together
People who need constant attention need to feel like the center of attention, no matter what they do. They may demand VIP access, expect special favors, or pitch a fit if people aren’t super-respectful to them.
13. He's nice when you first meet him, but then the niceness tapers off
A lot of guys do this because they want you to crave their attention and like them. Incidentally, this is also abusive behavior and a good reason to avoid ever dating one of these people.
14. He’s moody
A lot of guys who need attention are very moody, often to the point that their temperamental behavior causes serious rifts among people. In many cases, they’re moody and unhinged because they haven’t gotten their attention fixed, or because they know being in a huff will provoke people into looking at them and asking them what's wrong.
A moody man requiring constant female attention likely stems from underlying issues related to low self-esteem, insecurity, and a potential need for external validation, which could manifest as attention-seeking behavior, sometimes linked to personality disorders like histrionic personality disorder.
A study published in the American Journal of Applied Psychology concluded that this dynamic often plays out as a cycle where mood swings are used to manipulate or gain attention from female partners.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.