3 Big Signs Your Healing Journey Is Finally Starting To Pay Off
You've tried a million techniques and tools, how do you know what's working?
Anna Shvets | Pexels Is it just me, or does it feel like people are trying some new self-improvement technique everywhere we turn? There's nothing wrong with some trying self-improvement techniques, but how do you know if your efforts towards healing are actually paying off? Because let's be real for a second: there isn't exactly a guidebook to explain these sorts of things.
Fortunately, podcaster Jimmy Knowles, an engaged husband and father who has gained fame for his insights into healthy relationships and personal growth, has collected a few simple signs to help us know if our work is reaping benefits.
Here are three big signs your healing journey is finally starting to pay off
1. You are self-reflecting more
"You are intentionally stepping back and looking at your own steps in the conflict dance," begins Knowles. Instead of automatically responding with anger or defensiveness you're taking a moment to actually self-reflect.
You're thinking, "When they said this it made me feel this way and this is why." And you're continuing to think, "Because I felt ashamed or because I felt guilty. Or maybe it was because I felt like I needed to be heard."
If you're truly healing, you know what your go-to defense mechanism is. You see, in the past, you've thought, "What's my go-to? Suppressing my feelings, building a presentment, and then exploding with some sort of passive-aggressiveness or criticism," says Knowles.
As you've progressed you've been able to figure out what your triggers are and what causes you to react a certain way, as supported by a 2020 study on emotional regulation. Because of your self-reflection, you've probably noticed your relationships become a lot healthier.
2. You take accountability
People who aren't healed find themselves blaming other people for the way they act or react. A 2022 study on accountability supports that a person who's truly healed understands that taking accountability is necessary for their own self-development.
Knowles says people who have healed think, "I am no longer blaming someone else for my own reactions." Moreover, they aren't blaming themselves for other people's reactions.
Understand that your healing journey isn't going to be perfect. And honestly, you might find yourself going back to your old ways at some point. However, a truly healed person can steer themselves back in the right direction and say, "I'm sorry. I care about how my words and actions affected you," says Knowles.
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3. You practice self-compassion
People who are healing have a lot more self-compassion than when they started their healing journey. Knowles says you're learning to practice self-compassion and learning to forgive yourself for those past mistakes.
He continues, "Give yourself the same grace and kindness that you give others." After all, it's our job and it's in our control to choose to be kind to ourselves and other people.
So, if you find it hard to be kind to yourself then talk to yourself as you would a friend. What you'll find is those degrading remarks you make to yourself you'd never make towards a friend. And guess what? That's the first step.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.