5 Low-Key Signs You're Arguing With An Irrational Person Who Can't Be Reasoned With
This type of person will never understand your point of view, no matter how logical your argument.
Prostock-Studio | Canva A healthy relationship should always make you feel safe, supported, and loved. And a major sign of this is that your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't completely irrational. Irrational people, however, are great at changing themselves to fit any situation they find themselves in, which makes it difficult to identify one.
It can be hard to identify irrational people at first due to their cunning and manipulative nature, but once you argue with them, you can find out for sure if this person isn't who they claim to be. And pay attention — because this type of person is impossible to reason with.
Here are five low-key signs you're arguing with an irrational person:
1. They are privileged but try to play the victim
Pretty much everyone knows someone like this, and it sucks to argue with them. It is like when a boy who grew up in a middle-class family tries to tell a girl from a very poor family that he understands her and has to work hard for everything he has.
The reality is so different, and even though he came from privilege, he undermines the experience of someone else by trying to make it his own.
2. They shift moods rapidly
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In the argument, the suspected irrational person may go from being objective or compassionate to vicious and personal in a split second. They may flatter you and apologize, then attack you again a minute later. They are fighting to control the narrative.
Some — but not all — illogical people may also show traits of psychopathy and experience mood swings in the same way as someone with a mood disorder. Findings from a 2020 study published in Psychiatry Research suggest they can exhibit rapid shifts in emotional expression, mainly when manipulating situations, due to their difficulty regulating emotions, even though they might not feel the full depth of those emotions internally. Due to their lack of empathy, psychopaths might not experience the internal emotional turmoil associated with mood swings, even when their actions cause harm to others.
3. They constantly condescend
They tend to keep a calm, cool demeanor that enables them to seem in control. This is then utilized to talk down to their debate opponent.
4. They can never own it when they make a mistake
With irrational people, their words and actions are rarely in alignment, and they are constantly playing the victim card. If they mess up, they pass the blame to someone else. More than anything, they want you to be grateful for them in your life, no matter how bad they can be.
Relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul explained, “People who blame everyone else won’t listen to reason.” Dr. Paul also highlighted a significant trait that these individuals connect through conflict because “they don’t want to connect through true openness, as they are fearful of being seen and rejected.”
5. They project themselves onto you
In the most heated of arguments, an irrational person will try to pin their own worst qualities on you. They try to smear your character with their flaws to take the heat off of themselves. They want you to seem like the crazy one. Arguing with someone who projects onto you, meaning they attribute their own negative emotions or behaviors to you, is often unproductive and can escalate conflict due to the underlying defense mechanism.
A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found this behavior is usually linked to individuals with personality disorders. The key to managing such situations is recognizing the projection and avoiding directly engaging with the projected accusations. Instead, focus on calmly communicating your perspective.
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If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
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