20 Secret Cheat Codes Every Woman Can Use To Get Ahead In Life
Invaluable life hacks designed to give women an edge.
Dean Drobot | Canva They say wisdom comes with time, but wouldn’t it be amazing to get a sneak peek at the playbook before life throws you its toughest curveballs? Imagine knowing ahead of time that obsessing over that passive-aggressive colleague will do little more than drain your energy, or that bending boundaries will never work out to your benefit in the long run.
We all know the difference between right and wrong, but let's face it; some lessons can take years to fully sink in. But what if you didn’t have to wait? What if, instead of learning them the hard way, you could simply 'get the answers' and see the bigger picture —faster? Consider it done. Ahead, we’re sharing 20 invaluable cheat codes designed to give you an edge.
Here are 20 secret cheat codes every woman can use to get ahead:
1. Own your story
Whether it's choices we regret, hurt caused by others, or experiences we never should have had to endure, we all carry parts of our past that we’d rather forget. While this in no way devalues the pain and trauma these experiences can cause, it's important to remember that you are not defined by your past, but instead, how you choose to rise from it — how you treat others, the way you carry yourself today and the choices you make from this point forward.
Instead of getting stuck in the missteps and unfinished chapters, focus on the strength you’ve built and the empathy you’ve gained — these didn’t come from the easy moments. They came from the challenges you’ve faced head-on and those hard lessons: They’re not just for you.
They’re for the people your story will help along the way, the ones who are still trying to navigate the rough waters you have crossed. Share your truth — without shame — and use your experiences to make a difference.
2. Your value is not dependent on someone else’s validation
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We live in a world that often values likes and external approval over authenticity, but your worth isn’t something that can be quantified by someone else’s opinion. While caring about how you make others feel is important, letting others dictate how you feel about yourself gets a hard pass.
This is especially true when those opinions are often more about their issues than anything to do with you. When you know who you are and your worth — and accept both wholeheartedly — you can stand in your power, confident in who you are — no matter what anyone else has to say.
3. FOMO is a mind trick
If you have ever scrolled through your feed, feeling terrible about all the dinners you haven't been invited to and the vacations you have never experienced, you're not alone. Studies show that 69% of millennials and 56% of social media users experience FOMO (The Fear of Missing Out) regularly, unaware that it can be incredibly misleading.
FOMO tricks us into thinking that everyone else is living a more exciting, fulfilling, or perfect life while we sit on our sofa, but what we forget is that most people are only showing their highlight reels. We don’t see the stress behind the vacation photos, hear the crying baby in the background, or witness the everyday struggles hidden behind these carefully curated posts.
Instead of allowing someone's post to convince you that happiness lies somewhere else — somewhere you’re not — remember this: the best moments in life aren’t always picture-perfect, and true contentment comes from being fully grounded in where you are in your life. It's when we stop chasing every experience we see online and focus on embracing the value of our own authentic, complicated, unfiltered moments that we find real joy.
4. 'Failure' just means to tweak your strategy
The world loves to promote the idea of 'overnight' success, but like everything else, that's too good to be true, it's a lie. Everything in life exists on a cycle of highs and lows, and twists we didn't see coming.
This means that, sometimes we won’t get the job, relationship, or recognition we deserve. We’ll say and do things we wish we didn’t. Opportunities will slip by, and in hindsight, we’ll realize we could have acted differently or made different choices. But instead of beating ourselves up over these moments of “loss,” we need to remember that they’re just part of the journey — and essential for growth.
5. You are tougher than you think
Life isn't easy. No matter how successful, put-together, or confident you may seem, there will be moments when everything feels like it’s unraveling.
It’s in these moments that the weight of the world can feel too heavy to bear — but you won’t crumble. Instead, you’ll tap into your inner strength, face what’s in front of you, and move through it just like you’ve always done. Because no matter how overwhelming it seems, you’ve always found a way to rise — and you always will.
6. You’re in full control of what you choose to tolerate
If you are constantly begging or battling someone to treat you properly, listen up: respect isn’t something you need to fight for — it’s something you decide to require. You get to decide what’s enough the moment you realize you choose what you will and won’t accept, everything changes.
You realize you can disengage. You can leave. You might feel overwhelmed, confused, or terrified of the unknown, but what’s scarier than leaving is losing yourself by staying where you are disrespected.
7. Real friendship is rare
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One of the most valuable lessons you can learn in life is that not everyone is going to be your ride-or-die. Though many people are running around throwing out the word 'bestie', the truth is that real friendship is rare, and if you have one person you can trust, rely on, and share life’s ups and downs with, you're lucky.
These friendships are few and far between. This doesn't mean that acquaintances, colleagues, and neighbors can't be wonderful additions to your life, but you need to adjust your expectations and understand what you can and can't count on them to be in your life. On that note...
8. You're not meant to be everyone's friend
Just as you won't always be at the top of everyone's priority list, you also won't vibe with every person you meet. We are all unique individuals with different values and energy, walking down different paths — and that’s okay. Instead of trying to bond with an introduction or fit into every circle, focus on cultivating a good relationship with yourself and attracting the right people into your life.
9. If they're not making an effort, they're not interested
Your grandma was right when she told you that actions speak louder than words. If someone isn’t putting in the time, energy, or effort to be with you, they’ve already shown you where you stand in their life.
It doesn't matter whether their lack of effort has to do with caring, interest, or capacity, if there isn't a mutual investment being made, cut your losses and move on. Before you start making excuses, consider this: How did you feel the last time you gave someone your time, energy, and/or body only to have them not choose you, show up, or make consistent efforts that show they genuinely wanted to be a part of your life?
10. No one is coming to save you
Many of us grew up on a steady diet of Disney fairytales that taught us to wait for the knight in shining armor, the magical solution, the happily-ever-after to arrive by way of a nurturing fairy Godmother. Eventually, you learn that no one is coming to save you, and that’s not something to cry over — it’s a revelation.
Fairytales, while enchanting, planted damaging ideas about dependency and rescue, when the real power lies in you. You are fully capable of saving yourself, of making the hard choices, of picking yourself up when things fall apart. Sure, there is no such thing as magic, but there are resources and tools at your disposal. Use those to create your happy ending.
11. You complete you
One of the most damaging myths we’re taught as young girls is the idea that a relationship will somehow make us whole. Toss this in the pile with the rest of the antiquated nonsense women have been fed throughout history. Yes, relationships can enrich your life, but they are hardly the holy grail of womanhood.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that partnership equals validation, but true fulfillment comes from knowing who you are outside of anyone else. So, whether you’re single, dating, or married, remember that you are complete, right now, exactly as you are.
12. Social media is not real-life
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It’s easy to get caught up in the world of likes, shares, and comments, but real life has nothing to do with how many hearts your latest post received. What truly matters are the real-life connections, the love you’re giving, and the impact you’re making in moments that don’t require a filter or a caption. Bottom line: You are so much more than your online presence.
13. Edit your life ruthlessly
Whether it's outdated friendships, clothes, or habits, most of us are holding onto something that we know we need to get rid of. It can be hard to let go, but being intentional about what we allow to take up space is a crucial life skill we all need to learn.
According to a study by Princeton University, having clutter in your environment competes for your attention, leading to decreased performance and increased stress. Similarly, holding onto unhelpful relationships or habits can weigh us down emotionally and mentally, disrupting our sense of alignment and well-being.
14. It's not your job to save everyone
Spending hours on the phone supporting your bestie through yet another Tinder drama? It may be time to hit the pause button. While it's natural to want to help people you care about, constantly trying to fix someone else’s problems will likely leave you feeling emotionally drained and, in the end, resentful.
Those who frequently take on the "rescuer" role are more likely to experience burnout and frustration and often feel unappreciated for their efforts. Playing the hero can also hurt the other party by diluting challenges that are essential for building their resilience and growth. This isn't to say you shouldn't be there for those you love, but a gentle reminder that you don't need to respond to every perceived emergency.
15. Good manners are a soft skill that will change your life — and your career
If you’ve ever been frustrated by an entitled colleague or growled at someone who didn't thank you for holding a door, you know that little acts of politeness can go a long way in shaping how people see and respond to you. Whether saying good morning to your team, 'please', and 'thank you' before and after requests or rephrasing an email to ensure softer delivery, good manners are more than just surface-level niceties — they reflect a high emotional intelligence and strong internal value system, two things that attract high-value people who will recognize your worth and remember you when opportunity knocks.
16. Play fair
Playing fair isn’t just about following the rules; it’s about integrity, respect, and treating others with kindness — even when no one’s watching. It's about being honest, showing accountability, and giving your best. When you play fair, you build trust and credibility, and those qualities will open doors to higher-quality opportunities and relationships that will enhance your life. It might not always seem like the fastest route to your desired outcome, but it’s the most sustainable — and the least damaging.
17. Drama gets old — fast
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Let's be honest; there’s a certain allure to drama — it can make life feel intense, and exciting, or even give us a sense of purpose. But over time, that constant cycle of tension, conflict, or gossip will start to wear on you — and your audience. What once might have felt like engaging energy quickly becomes exhausting and those who initially paid attention will eventually begin to distance themselves to protect their peace.
A smart move, according to experts. Studies from 2018 show that chronic stress, which often accompanies drama and conflict, raises levels of cortisol, a hormone that, when elevated for too long, can increase your risk of anxiety, heart disease, and other health issues. Good reason to commit to grounding yourself in calm rather than spinning in an endless cycle of conflict
18. Get your life together
No one has their life in order all of the time, but if you're constantly losing your keys, missing payments, and flaking out on your friends, it's time to take control. Be honest about the areas where you're falling behind — whether it’s your health, finances, relationships, or career — and create a plan to fix them.
There's no need for a big life overhaul; small, manageable steps are fine. The key is to commit to improvement and follow through.
Take responsibility for your actions, be honest with yourself about what needs to change, and develop routines that set you up for long-term success. When you get serious about organizing your life, everything else will start falling into place.
19. Love people as they need to be loved
This one will save a lot of frustrations and maybe even a few relationships. Loving someone isn’t about offering affection or support in the way you think is best — it’s about showing up for them in ways that resonate with them.
In The 5 Love Languages, author Gary Chapman breaks down five distinct ways people like to give and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Taking the time to identify and understand the love languages of those around you can transform your relationships, ensuring that the people you care about feel truly seen and valued and you feel appreciated for your efforts.
20. Winning isn't about beating someone else
So often, we equate success with outperforming others, but real success is living an authentic life, making choices that align with your values, and waking up each morning proud of who you are and what you’re building — regardless of what anyone else is doing.
Brenda Della Casa is an author, writer, speaker, and coach focusing on personal development. Her bylines have appeared on Allure, POPSUGAR, HuffiPost, Glamour, Thrillist, and others.