Psychology Reveals The 3 Awkward Reasons Men Won't Let You Go, But Won't Date You Either
Why he keeps coming back, even when you're doing just fine without him.
Vanessa Garcia | Canva The million-dollar question is, after some kind of breakup, why do some men come back or get in contact with the woman again after some time has passed? Men learn from their mistakes but some of them don't learn as quickly as some women would hope, and sometimes they come back to try again after they learn some new things.
This usually doesn't jibe well. The question is, why do they return and, sometimes, even ask to get back together?
The three reasons men won't let you go, but won't date you either:
1. They miss the physicality
No man wants to give up good intimacy. If there was a good physical relationship, it's a good reason for him to return.
Is the woman able to separate the physical stuff that works in the relationship from the emotional aspects that may be lacking? Hooking up with an ex isn't uncommon, with one study stating half of people hook up with their ex after a breakup.
2. They simply want a do-over
KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / Pexels
When it comes to relationships, most men are experiential learners and they learn more by making mistakes. After they've made a few, they end up altering some things (behavior, patterns, etc.) and set out to their next relationship, presumably more prepared. One study from 2022 even shows how making mistakes helps us learn better.
If he made a bunch of mistakes with a past partner, yet felt that there was some kind of connection, he may return for a second go-round. Note, however, that relationship dynamics tend to stay the same, even on a second try.
After all, when you pull milk out of the fridge and it's spoiled, you don't put it back and hope it's fresh tomorrow. Sometimes, you just have to throw it out.
3. They're single again and desperate
Men on the rebound tend to reconnect with past girlfriends and lovers. The reasons vary, but mostly due to the above mentions and motivations. By reaching out with a simple phone call, email, or text message, he's testing the waters and will gauge what is possible by the woman's reaction.
Here is my advice: While some ex-relationships can be successful, there have to be some changes made. Unless the individuals have fundamentally changed for themselves, a rekindled relationship runs the risk of picking up the same failed dynamics exactly where it left off.
Remember, there was a reason the relationship failed in the first place. One YouGov poll found that 44% of people get back with an ex.
Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men.