12 Questions Smart People Hate Being Asked, According To Psychology
Being smart doesn't mean people can ask you anything they want.
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock It’s a common assumption that highly intelligent people have it easier than the rest of the world, yet being smart doesn’t shield people from tough times. Being smart often means being misunderstood, especially in social situations. Among the questions smart people hate being asked, having their intelligence interrogated in public settings makes them feel especially uncomfortable, like they have to prove their worth more than others.
In general, being smart is a positive trait. It allows people to think deeply about their place in the world and carefully consider how they want to show up for themselves and others. But having a high IQ comes with its own set of challenges, one of which is fielding intrusive questions from other people.
Here are 12 questions smart people hate being asked, according to psychology
1. ‘What’s your IQ?’
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A question smart people hate being asked is “What’s your IQ?” This question not only puts smart people on the spot, it also overlooks the different types of intelligence that exists. Having a high IQ isn’t the only indication of intelligence, which is one reason why smart people strongly dislike being asked about their IQ.
Psychologist Howard Gardner presented the Theory of Multiple Intelligences in his 1983 book “Frames of Mind.” His theory challenged the widely-held idea that people have one single intelligence, measured by standardized testing. According to Gardner, people have a variety of intellectual abilities that don’t necessarily impact each other directly.
It’s possible for someone to have high logical-mathematical intelligence along with low linguistic or interpersonal intelligence. Some people have bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, but lack musical or spatial intelligence.
At the core of Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences is the concept that everyone is smart in their own ways, and there’s no singular measurement that can quantify every kind of intelligence. For this reason, IQ scores don’t always provide an accurate assessment of intelligence. IQ scores are an indicator of someone’s test-taking abilities more than anything else, which is why smart people hate being asked about their IQs.
2. ‘Are you always this quiet?’
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Another question smart people hate being asked is “Are you always this quiet?” This question is an impolite and abrasive way to call someone out for a trait they can’t actually control. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet, but asking someone why they’re quiet implies that it’s a bad thing.
Everyone enters the world in their own unique way. Some people take up more space than others by speaking loudly and sharing their opinions with anyone who will hear them. Other people are more contemplative. They’re happy to share what’s on their mind, but only after they’ve thought through every possible angle of how to express themselves in a measured, considerate way.
While some smart people have the tendency to control conversations, others would rather listen. They value listening because it allows them to absorb information from disparate sources that they can integrate into their belief systems for a more nuanced interpretation of the world around them.
Smart people hate being asked why they’re so quiet because it pressures them to justify themselves and makes them feel like they’re under attack, just for being who they are.
3. ‘What’s the point of thinking all the time?’
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A question smart people hate being asked is “What’s the point of thinking all the time?” Smart people hate this question because it implies that they’re weird or there’s something wrong with the way their minds work. The question is also relatively impossible to answer. It brings up deeper philosophical questions, like, what’s the point of doing anything at any time, which lends itself to wondering about the point of existence, at all, which spirals smart people into a realm they don’t always want to face.
One valuable aspect of thinking all the time is that thinking provides alternate entry points to examining why things are the way they are. Thinking can’t exist without asking questions, which in themselves are an indication that someone seeks a stronger grasp on topics they don’t totally understand.
A study in the journal “Psychological Research” looked into the association between curiosity and confidence, building on the information-gap theory put forth by economist and educator George Loewenstein.
According to Loewenstein, curiosity stems from the gap that exists between information that’s already known and the knowledge a person aspires to gain. The researchers referenced Loewenstein’s proposed views on curiosity, which maintained that “curiosity is like the feeling of hunger, but for knowledge.”
Loewenstein’s theory posits that “a small ‘bite of knowledge’ increases the hunger for more information, but after gaining more and more information, the hunger is satiated, and thus, curiosity decreases.”
The findings of the study combined the information-gap theory with the novelty theory, which holds that “the novelty of information has a vital effect on curiosity and that people gain intrinsic rewards and satisfaction when they learn about something new.”
The desire to learn directly influences how someone expends their mental energy. Being curious is a hallmark of high intelligence. The more curious a person is, the less likely they are to accept the status quo. For smart people, the point of thinking is the thinking itself, which is why they hate being asked about it.
4. ‘Why do you care so much about that topic?’
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Smart people hate being asked the question “Why do you care so much about that topic?” While the person asking might not have malicious intentions, it can easily be interpreted as a judgmental question, criticizing the smart person for their interests.
What appeals to one person might not appeal to someone else, which is part of the beauty of human existence. An ornithologist might devote their life to exploring the nesting habits of sparrows, while a historian on the opposite side of the world is working to prove that Shakespeare didn’t actually exist.
Digging into our unique curiosities does more than provide a way to pass the time, it also impacts how we process painful emotions.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality, being curious makes people more resilient, especially in romantic relationships. The researchers found a link between curiosity and less aggressive reactions to behavior that caused psychological harm. They reported that “highly curious people showed evidence of greater context sensitivity,” meaning that their curiosity led them to explore their emotions while keeping an open mind.
Curious people think about the root causes of their emotions, which allows them to self-regulate, as opposed to responding in an aggressive or reactive way. They approach being hurt with the hopes of understanding the underlying reasons for their feelings, which in turn, provides them with a strong sense of emotional resilience.
Pushing a smart person to explain why they care about the things they care about is a subtle way of yucking their yum, making them feel bad for being so passionate.
5. ‘Do you always ask so many questions?’
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A question smart people hate being asked is “Do you always ask so many questions?” This question feels less like a genuine inquiry and more like a disparaging assessment. It implies that asking questions is a negative thing to do, rather than a valuable way to access information and learn more about people.
Dalia Molokhia, a senior learning solutions manager at Harvard Business Publishing Corporate Learning, analyzed a 2018 survey from PwC that asked leaders in business to share the traits they believed would help CEOs succeed.
CEO Michael Dell answered, “I would place my bet on curiosity.” CEO Alan D. Wilson responded that people who “are always expanding their perspective and what they know — and have that natural curiosity — are the people that are going to be successful.”
Curiosity doesn’t just exist on its own. It can be cultivated by keeping an open mind and looking for new ways to solve problems. Asking questions is a crucial part of being curious. Asking other people about how they see things and what they think indicates a willingness to learn new things. Being inquisitive can open doors you never thought to open, which often provides solutions that were just out of view.
6. ‘What’s the meaning of life?’
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Another question smart people hate being asked is “What’s the meaning of life?” While it’s an important and resonant question, it’s usually presented in a superficial way, which undermines its deeper implications.
Smart people hate being asked about the meaning of life because more often than not, the question is used to tease them for taking things so seriously.
Smart people spend a fair amount of mental energy trying to understand the meaning of human existence. They want to know what their purpose is, yet they’re fully aware that mastering the meaning of life is out of their reach.
Asking about the meaning of life assumes that there’s a singular answer, as opposed to a wide breadth of human experience, in which people make meaning in their own distinct ways, all the time.
7. ‘Can you solve this problem for me?’
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Smart people hate being asked “Can you solve this problem for me?” The question is inconsiderate, in that it trivializes intelligence as a means to an end, rather than seeing intelligence as a trait that holds value on its own merit. It also devalues the labor that smart people put into enriching their skills.
Asking a smart person to solve problems makes them feel like a show pony, as though their sole purpose is to prove how smart they are to the rest of the world. Just because someone is highly intelligent doesn’t mean they want to advertise it or have their entire personality distilled down to just one thing.
People are multi-faceted, meaning that it’s impossible to define someone based on a singular trait. Smart people resent being asked to solve other people’s problems, since the question implies their presence only serves one purpose.
8. ‘Why do you overanalyze everything?’
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A question smart people hate being asked is “Why do you overanalyze everything?” This question has an antagonistic undertone. It frames having an analytical mindset as a negative thing, rather than it being a valid approach to understanding complex subjects. The question beneath the question is essentially asking, “Why are you wasting your time on something that doesn’t matter?”
Smart people hate being asked why they overanalyze everything because it calls into question the way their brain works and makes it seem like being reflective holds no value. Yet approaching the world in an analytical way indicates that a person has a growth mindset, which is an essential aspect of being smart.
A study published in the journal “Intelligence” outlined how a person’s intelligence mindset can impact their overall intelligence. People with a fixed mindset see intelligence as a stable trait, meaning they see it in rigid terms: You’re either smart or you’re not. People with a growth mindset see intelligence as malleable, making it something they can improve upon and strengthen.
Because people with fixed mindsets believe intelligence can’t change, they don't challenge themselves to learn new or difficult topics. They set themselves up for failure before they even try, and eventually, they stop trying to learn altogether. In contrast, having a growth mindset means that people face challenges without fear, because they believe in their ability to exert effort and overcome the obstacles before them.
9. ‘Shouldn’t you have all the answers?’
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Smart people hate being asked the question “Shouldn’t you have all the answers?” This question disregards a key part of being intelligent: Acknowledging that no one person knows the right answers.
The authors of a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin defined the idea of intellectual humility as “recognizing that a particular personal belief may be fallible, accompanied by an appropriate attentiveness… to one’s own limitations in obtaining and evaluating relevant information.”
In simpler language, a person with intellectual humility understands the limits of their knowledge and accepts that their beliefs might not be true.
The article noted that having intellectual humility mostly refers to “people’s private assessments of their beliefs,” it also presents as open mindedness toward other points of view, along with a lack of rigidity and arrogance. A person with low intellectual humility will often insist that their beliefs are correct, disregarding people with opposing perspectives.
Smart people hate being asked why they don’t know everything because the question goes against their belief that knowing everything is impossible.
10. ‘Don’t you ever have fun?’
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A question smart people hate being asked is “Don’t you ever have fun?” It’s an intrusive question that makes it seem like someone was raised without good manners. What’s fun for one person isn’t always fun for someone else, and asking a smart person if they have fun assumes that there’s only one definition of a good time.
Their idea of fun might involve going to a crowded bar with a sticky floor and music that’s so loud, it’s impossible to hear each other speak, while a smart person’s ideal night is a quiet dinner party with close friends, complete with cake and intellectual conversations.
That’s not to say that smart people don’t have fun bar-hopping, rather, it’s to underline that fun takes many forms, depending on someone’s mood, personality type, and energy level, and one way of having fun isn’t better than any other way.
11. ‘Why do you always need to be right?’
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Smart people hate being asked the question “Why do you always need to be right?” At its core, this question misses the point of intelligence. Being smart isn’t about being right. It’s about considering things from all angles and acknowledging that other people’s truths won’t always align with their own.
The Thrive Center for Human Development measured three dimensions to intellectual humility: an intellectual dimension that represents a person’s love of learning, a humble dimension that indicates an aversion to bragging and showing off, and a civil dimension, defined by the capacity to listen and be kind, considerate, and respectful.
“Intellectual humility has to do with understanding that you don’t know everything, that there is more to learn, that you don’t use your knowledge or expertise as an advantage over others, and that, in discussions with others, you are respectful, listening closely to what the other has to say in order to learn something,” Thrive scholars explained.
In addition to benefitting interpersonal relationships, intellectual humility holds value on a societal level, as something that will “help us reach for the goal of human flourishing — for all people.”
The Thrive Center put forth the idea that everyone has a unique intellectual life, and that the “habits of our minds are formed by the emotional and relational aspects of our experience that we’re not necessarily always consciously aware of.”
This idea highlights that much of our thought processes and ways of being exist beyond rationality, in a more emotional realm. A person who’s intellectually humble recognizes that being smart is more about hearing other people’s beliefs with compassion than it is about being right.
12. ‘Do you think you’re smarter than everyone else?’
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Smart people hate being asked “Do you think you're smarter than everyone else?” This question equates being smart with being arrogant. It represents a knee-jerk reaction to having high intelligence, in that it makes an assumption without gathering any evidence, first.
Truly smart people don’t wield their intelligence in a way that positions them above anyone else. They don’t weaponize their brain power, meaning that they don’t want to make other people feel stupid or inferior, just because their minds operate on a different level.
Genuine intelligence isn’t measured against anyone else. Being smart doesn't make someone superior, and anyone who claims otherwise is likely only pretending to have high intelligence.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.