How To Finally Live For Yourself After Years Of Prioritizing Everyone Else
Eventually, you run out of energy to help others. Here are 11 ways to start changing.
Getty Did you grow up believing you should prioritize the needs of your family and friends over your own needs? Most of us have been taught this from childhood. How often do you remember your mother taking on the majority of housework and cooking, even when she had a full-time job outside the home?
It is easy to get caught up in the expectations of others, whether our parents, spouse, friends, or colleagues. We want to please, be accepted, and prove our worth.
Taking care of our loved ones is essential, but we must prioritize our well-being. While putting their needs before our own is sometimes necessary, we must constantly pay attention to ourselves. If we don't prioritize caring for ourselves, we'll eventually run out of energy to help others.
Are you ready to put yourself first?
Here's how to start putting yourself first even after years of existing for everyone else.
1. Quiet the mind
An excellent place to start is by quieting your mind. Many find quieting their mind hard. Find a practice such as mindfulness, centering prayer, Ignatian prayer, or any meditation or prayer that helps you quiet your thoughts. If you identify with a faith tradition, you might want to start there.
When you quiet your mind, you open yourself to a power greater than you. Knowing what you need in your daily life will become much easier.
2. Increase your self-awareness
By paying more attention to your inner world, you can connect with your inner wisdom through your body, heart, and mind. Take note of your body's sensations, the emotions in your heart, and the insights from your quiet mind. What messages are these different parts of yourself trying to convey to you?
3. Set boundaries with family
Establishing boundaries in our families is essential to achieving freedom. Communicate the responsibilities that you are willing to take on. One way to do this is by creating a weekly calendar and deciding who will be responsible for daily and weekly tasks such as cooking, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and taking the kids to their after-school activities.
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4. Hang out with people who energize you
Who motivates you? Who inspires you? Notice how you feel after spending time with each person.
You will walk away from some people energized and some exhausted. Be careful about who you choose to spend time with. Learn to say no to people who suck the energy out of you, especially on days that are heavy for you.
The ability to say no is one of the most crucial skills in the world. It is okay to say no to someone who solicits your help. If you are requested to carry out a task you don’t feel qualified for, it's better to ask the person to look for someone else. Are you ready to put yourself first?
5. Move your body
To value yourself, you need to stay physically active. You have been given a miraculous body and are responsible for taking good care of it.
What forms of exercise do you enjoy? Find something to stay active in, such as walking, dancing, yoga, ta chi, running, tennis, or whatever else you want. Finding a partner to exercise with is often better because you can hold each other accountable and enjoy the companionship.
6. Eat healthy food
Are you more concerned about your family's diet than your own? Do you skimp on yourself to ensure everyone in your family has enough?
It may be time to prioritize your nutrition and self-care as you continue to care for your family. Have you noticed what types of food energize you? Do you still keep eating food that doesn’t agree with you? Your body will tell you what you need if you pay attention.
7. Get plenty of sleep
Sleep is important. How many hours of sleep do you get at night? Do you feel rested when you get up?
Do you have a bedtime routine? Establishing good sleep habits is essential. Take some quiet time before bed. Figure out how many hours of sleep you need each night. It's important to own what you need for a good night's sleep. Don't hesitate to ask your family for support and tell them what you need to make it happen. By prioritizing your sleep, you can set a positive example for your family.
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10. Choose meaningful work
You work much of your life. You are better off if you can find meaningful work that motivates you. Do you enjoy your job? If you can only find work that will pay the bills, volunteer for an organization or cause that deeply connects to the yearnings of your heart.
11. Don’t be ashamed to take a nap
You have a busy schedule. Sometimes, a short nap will help you revive. You do not need to feel shame for taking a nap. You don’t need an excuse! When you admit to others that you take naps, you permit others to do the same.
As you connect with your three centers of intelligence, you will become more aware of your needs. This will help you to put your needs first. You may need to eat healthier food, get more sleep, explore changing careers, and so on.
If you are not satisfied with your life, this is a great time to explore what is going well and what is not. Then, ask yourself how you can address the needs that are not currently being addressed.
After reading these eleven ways to put yourself first, how well are you doing? On a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being no self-care and 10 being excellent self-care, where are you on the continuum?
Are you caring for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health? Is there anything missing? Think briefly about the most meaningful work you have done in the last year. Reflect on what made it meaningful. Learn from the experience to help you know what you want to do more of in the future.
Go forth and be yourself. Practice how you can care for others without avoiding your needs. You will learn to set healthy boundaries, honoring yourself and your family.
Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual life coach, and teacher of the Enneagram. He helps people connect to their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.