3 Reasons Why People With ’Sticky Eyes’ Are More Attractive Than Most, According To Psychology
No it's not an eye disease, it's a flirtation technique — and one a psychologist says actually works.
HBRH | Shutterstock One of the reasons dating apps have become so ubiquitous is because of how difficult people find it to meet prospective partners in person. Unless you're the super-confident type willing to just walk up to anyone who strikes your fancy, figuring out how to get noticed can be a real conundrum. But what if it's as simple as having "sticky eyes"?
A therapist explained the psychology behind the 'sticky eyes' dating trend.
Don't worry, you don't have to contract some gnarly eye disease to attract a mate in person. "Sticky eyes" refers to a method of basically staring down someone you find attractive until you make them… well, uncomfortable enough to come talk to you.
"Sticky Eyes" was coined by content creator Chelsea Anderson and it involves three basic steps to be performed when you spot someone you're interested in at a party, bar, or other social situation.
First, you stare at them until they notice you staring — and then you immediately look away, as if you've been caught. Then, you stare again until they catch you, but this time you hold the gaze until THEY look away to confirm you were, in fact, staring.
The third step is the most crucial: "You never look at them again," Anderson instructed in her video. And within moments, as if by magic, they will suddenly be in front of you, trying to chat you up.
Anderson theorized that the reason this works so well is that it is inherently risky and vulnerable to approach a stranger in a bar or at a party. "By doing sticky eyes, you are basically providing a giant cushion for this person's ego," she said.
There are 3 psychological reasons the 'sticky eyes' method makes you so attractive.
Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, a psychologist and licensed marital and family therapist who provides relationship insights to dating app Hily, said there's actually a psychological basis for Anderson's take.
1. It confirms interest.
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This is dead-obvious of course, but as Anderson herself said, this is a major "cushion" to the nervousness that approaching someone entails. It basically removes all the guesswork.
"Looking another person in the eye indicates that you are interested in them and might be ready to be approached and engaged in a conversation," Dr. Cohen said. "It is a sign that you are prepared and available for an introduction." That means there's most likely little to no risk of getting shot down — or not immediately, anyway.
2. It signals mutual vulnerability.
"Vulnerability is one of the foundations of strong interpersonal connections," Dr. Cohen explained. "Sustained eye contact often indicates that you are open, and when returned, indicates that the person on the other end has also let their guard down."
Again, we're removing the guesswork inherent to approaching people in social situations. By giving them the "sticky eyes," you've already taken the lead in the vulnerability department — you've basically given the other person nothing to lose and everything to gain. Why wouldn't they come over?
3. It enhances communication.
"Eye contact enables a person to gauge a person’s emotional reactions better," Dr. Cohen explained — it's that whole guesswork removal thing again. But not only does sustained eye contact telegraph interest, it also sets the scene for the ensuing action and deepens it once it kicks off.
"Holding eye contact allows you to read facial expressions and overall body language, adding a new dimension to your connection," Dr. Cohen added. So the next time you're out trying to get picked up, give them the old stare down and you just might end up married in no time — if you don't creep them out too badly, of course.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.