Psychologist Shares 3 Signs Someone Is Holding A Grudge Against You & Trying To Hide It
If their words and actions don't align, there's probably a reason.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Sometimes, it feels like life would be a lot easier if we could all just read each other's minds, especially when it comes to those people whose feelings about you aren't quite clear. But one mental health professional says it's actually easier than you think if you keep an eye peeled for a few telling indicators.
According to one expert, it's actually pretty easy to tell if someone is holding a grudge against you, even if they are actively trying to pretend otherwise.
A psychologist shared three signs someone is holding a grudge against you:
Now, of course, we're not talking about that colleague who obviously hates your guts or that cousin who hasn't spoken to you in 10 years — there's no mystery there! We're talking about the people who seem to like you one moment and hate you the next or those friends who often start to feel like frenemies. In short, the people who don't want you to know how they feel.
Psychologist Ziad Roumy shared on TikTok a few telltale dynamics that signal someone is holding "hidden anger or jealousy" against you, or might even just not like you at all, "but they're trying to hide it."
1. They make passive-aggressive jokes or remarks
We've all been on the receiving end of this — the tiny digs followed by an "I'm just kidding!" that feels like a cop-out. "For example, they give you backhanded compliments or use sarcasm when they talk to you," Roumy said.
If it doesn't feel much like a joke — and they definitely don't seem to care much that you're not laughing along — it's probably an intentional dig. "That's an indirect way for them to release their frustration," Roumy says
2. They still bring up past mistakes
This one is pretty clear-cut. If someone keeps holding something over your head that you've already worked through, that definitely means something.
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"Even when it seems like they moved on, they still bring up past mistakes or conflicts," Roumy said, "maybe in the form of jokes" — like the aforementioned passive-aggressive digs. Roumy said to believe their actions, not their words. If they're still bringing it up, "this shows that they haven't fully forgiven you or let it go."
3. They act differently with others
Taking stock of the contrast between how they interact with you and how they interact with everyone else in their life can be very revealing, Roumy said. "For example, they're warm and engaging with everyone else, but with you, they avoid eye contact and they keep the conversation short and superficial," he said.
The bottom line is that a lot of people — maybe most people — are not comfortable with clearly and openly communicating their thoughts and feelings, especially when they're negative. Just because someone says, "Everything's fine" or "Of course I love you," doesn't mean they're telling the truth. "Actions speak louder than words" is a saying for a reason!
So, if someone in your life is showing these signs, Roumy said it's time to either put some distance between you and them or "have an open and honest conversation and understand how they truly feel." Otherwise, the resentment will just continue to build, and no relationship can sustain that.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.