10 Psychological Traits Of Echoism Found In People With Zero Narcissism, According To Experts
Even if you haven't heard of echoism, you could still be experiencing the consequences of it.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Coined by psychoanalyst Dean Davis in 2005, "echoism" is essentially the opposite of narcissism, characterizing people who are at the opposite of true narcissists on the scale of self-centeredness and attention-seeking behaviors. They not only fear being perceived as narcissistic, but actively put other people's emotions, needs, and validation above their own, at their own expense.
Instead of blame-shifting and victimizing themselves in traumatic situations or when dealing with difficult emotions — inherently narcissistic behaviors — echoists do the opposite, taking accountability and framing themselves as perpetrators in the face of their own traumatic experiences. There are several psychological traits of echosim found in people with zero narcissism, which often stem from unresolved trauma.
Here are 10 psychological traits of echoism found in people with zero narcissism, according to experts
1. They repress their emotions and feelings
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Often a result of unresolved childhood trauma and constant betrayal in toxic relationships, echoists develop a tendency to repress their own emotions and feelings to better serve the needs of others. They're 100% available to support others, but don't receive and don't expect it in return.
This inherent dismissal of emotions isn't the only experience tied to echoism that's under-acknowledged. Experts like psychodynamic therapist Lynn Strathdee also argue the general term is disregarded in popular media, compared to narcissism, because of this misguided belief that it's "not real" or unimportant.
Despite extensive research and expert studies on echoism, narcissistic behaviors and experiences reach popular discourse at much higher levels, further isolating echosists from accessing information, and acknowledging and healing from their toxic tendencies.
2. They're insecure
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Without a self-fulfilling identity and healthy practices to build their own ego and confidence, many echoists struggle with behaviors tied to their insecurities. They're anxious that people will abandon them or pass harmful judgments on them if they aren't constantly available to support and solve other people's problems.
Constantly pushing away personal development opportunities, their own passions and interests, and alone time for the sake of other people's comfort, they continue a cycle of self-isolation that only pushes them further into people-pleasing tendencies and unmet emotional needs.
3. They're uncomfortable being the center of attention
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The Newport Institute argues that echoists have developed an innate discomfort with praise or being the center of attention because of their fears of being perceived as a narcissist. By being overly modest, self-effacing, and overgiving towards others, they convince themselves they don't need support or attention in public and in relationships.
Their sense of fulfillment and internal well-being is tied to the emotional well-being and happiness of others. They no longer seek the attention of others to feel secure, but rather the approval and recognition of being selfless in their relationships.
4. They're people-pleasers
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According to counselor and narcissist expert Sarah Graham, narcissistic parents almost always produce children with people-pleasing tendencies, as a result of being molded and suffocated by their parent's expectations and needs.
Instead of feeling celebrated to mold into their own identity and supported in advocating and communicating for themselves, children who become echoists learn to prioritize the happiness and comfort of others. Not only does this spark a cycle of unmet needs, constant guilt, anxious attachment, and emotional turmoil, it isolates adult children from understanding and being able to communicate what they truly need to feel comfortable and fulfilled.
5. They're empathetic to a fault
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According to therapist Jim Brillon, echoists may learn extremely empathetic traits early in their lives, becoming incredibly attuned to other people's emotions and feelings, often as a side effect of having to fight for attention or "keep the peace" in their childhoods with a narcissistic parent.
Instead of developing emotional intelligence in alignment with that outward empathy, they sacrifice addressing their own needs, driven by fears of attention, abandonment, and judgment from others.
6. They often have avoidant and anxious attachment styles
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Similar to an echoist's psychological traits, people with avoidant and anxious attachment styles tend to learn how to interact with other people from their childhood.
When people grow up with a narcissistic parent, they learn to put their own needs aside to reassure and protect others, self-isolating when their own emotions grow out of control. They may experience "need panic," like Brillon explains, when they're unable to repress their emotions further, and seek immediate comfort for a million things, before resorting back to a disconnected and isolated mindset to help others.
People with anxious attachment styles, generally an experience echoists fall into in their connections, become obsessed with their relationships, growing anxious when they sense discomfort or unhappiness in their partners, friends and peers.
According to clinician Stan Tatkin, anxiously attached people become "allergic to hope," catastrophizing about all the ways the people in their lives might abandon them or criticize them for not being available, supportive or "healthy."
7. They struggle with a mature sense of self
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According to narcissistic abuse expert and mental health clinician Kerry McAvoy, echoists have typically hit a "roadblock" in developing a mature ego and sense of self — one that would allow them to confidently and comfortably pursue their own interests, develop their own perspective, and advocate for themselves and their needs. Instead, they've learned, usually from a toxic and narcissistic parent, as McAvoy explains, that they should repress their needs to make other people more comfortable.
Instead of fulfilling themselves with their own interests and healthy relationships, they've misguidedly learned to find happiness, comfort, and security in fulfilling other people's needs. Their personality and self-worth is rooted in fear — they're scared that other people, usually the narcissistic company they can't help but attract, will resent them for not being 100% available to support them, even at the expense of their own emotional wellbeing.
They live in the shadow of their narcissistic company, seeking recognition and peace from helping other people meet their needs, resolve their struggles, and build their own lives.
8. They obsess about other people's reactions when asking for support
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Echoists tend to repress their own emotions to avoid asking for support or help from their inner circles, not always because they know they won't receive it, but because they've framed their own emotional and physical needs as inherent "burdens" to others. When those repressed needs bubble up and they do share them with others, they tend to obsess over them for days afterward, according to Strathdee.
They're more worried about other people's responses to their traumas and needs for support than their own healing from them. They develop anxieties and fears about other people leaving them or judging them for expressing vulnerability, often causing them to retreat or apologize simply for communicating.
9. They struggle with addressing distractions and focusing
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When someone else needs something from them or there's an external stimuli in an echoist's life, oftentimes they struggle with focusing on themselves, their work, or their main priorities. Fearing being perceived as a narcissist or selfish above all else, they'll put not only their emotions on hold, but their projects, workloads, and day-to-day tasks are put on the back burner to support others.
Especially considering the tendency for echoists to attract narcissistic friends, partners, and work leaders in their lives, they're easily taken advantage of and accessible for their demands. Nobody is urging them to focus on themselves, but instead blaming and guilting them for doing so.
10. They self-sabotage their own interests, passions, and desires
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Whether it's a work-related promotion, time for passion projects, or creative endeavors, echoists tend to "self-sabotage" any time or excitement they have over things that fulfill their unique identity. They struggle with comfort in investing time and energy into themselves, as a result of their immature identity and lacking self-esteem, leading to feelings of guilt when they prioritize personal projects and self interests.
Like author Peg Streep explained in an exploration with Psychology Today, echoism isn't a disease, but rather a trait that develops in response to toxic relationships or unresolved childhood trauma. Addressing it and healing from its consequences starts with introspection and prioritizing space for personal interests and growth — even if it's saying "yes" to a creative project or finally making the time for something that's of personal excitement.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.