10 Phrases Women Use When They Can't Be Trusted, According To Psychology
There are certain phrases that reveal a woman's true character.
mkfilm | Shutterstock Relationships are built around good communication, and good communication can't occur without mutual trust and respect. The signs of deceptive communication can be subtle, which is why it's important to pay attention to people's patterns of behavior, along with the underlying message of what they're saying.
The phrases women use when they can't be trusted often indicate a level of emotional manipulation or general dismissiveness. It can be difficult to trust someone without having direct and open discussions of what your expectations for the relationship are.
If your partner avoids confrontation or deflects responsibility for their actions, it's a definite sign that trust is lacking.
Here are 10 phrases women use when they can't be trusted, according to psychology
1. 'You always do this'
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When a woman uses the phrase, "You always do this," it's an indication that she can't be trusted. This phrase is an example of dichotomous thinking, which is also known as "splitting." Dichotomous thinking falls under the category of cognitive distortion. It occurs when someone's thought pattern assigns people and actions the label of "good" or "bad," without any space for nuance.
By saying, "You always do this" in the face of interpersonal conflict, a woman shows that she thinks in harsh and extreme terms. The phrase shifts focus to the other person's actions, so that she can deny responsibility for the issue at hand. Using this phrase relieves her of any wrongdoing, as she forces attention to her partner's own problematic behavior.
2. 'I don't want to argue'
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Using the phrase "I don't want to argue" is a sign of conflict avoidance, and if it's used often enough, it indicates a toxic pattern of pushing away opportunities for honest communication. When a woman says she doesn't want to fight, she's essentially using avoidance tactics to shut down her partner's concerns.
According to a 2022 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, an "avoidance attachment orientation accounts for a much stronger negative effect on relationship satisfaction" than anxious attachment. The study noted that the deterioration of relationship satisfaction can be predicted by inadequate conflict resolution.
The study also noted that withdrawing from conflict instead of facing it head-on reduces the likelihood of adequate problem-solving within a relationship. The phrase "I don't want to argue" makes it seem like someone is prioritizing the well-being of the romantic connection, when really, they're weaponizing avoidance and making it essentially impossible to talk honestly about challenges in the relationship.
3. 'You're being insecure'
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A woman will use the phrase "You're being insecure" when she feels like her behavior is being challenged. Instead of taking accountability for how her actions have hurt her partner, she deflects responsibility and turns the focus of the conversation to her partner's perceived flaws.
Experiencing insecurity is common in relationships, yet that doesn't make it fair for someone to call out the other person's insecurities to avoid admitting that they've done something wrong. Using the phrase can also be an indicator of psychological projection, which is a defense mechanism or coping skill that entails attributing feelings to another person so as to avoid confronting their feelings. It signifies a strong reaction that might not fit the circumstances, which can often mean there's a lack of trust in your relationship.
4. 'You're the only one who thinks that'
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When a woman wants to isolate her partner's perspective as a way to invalidate their concerns, she'll tell them, "You're the only one who thinks that." Using this phrase can make the other person question whether they're wrong for having a certain point of view.
Using this phrase is an example of emotional manipulation. According to psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman, the best way to avoid being emotionally manipulated is to build up your own emotional intelligence. Dr. Feuerman defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome obstacles and defuse conflict."
She further explained, "Emotional intelligence includes awareness of your emotions and recognizing what others might be feeling." While emotional intelligence can be wielded in a way that hurts people, including the use of phrases like this one, developing a strong understanding of your own feelings can act as a protective force against toxic relationships.
5. 'You're making a big deal out of nothing'
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This phrase is an example of being dismissive of someone else's emotional reality. When a woman can't be trusted, she'll respond to her partner's critique by saying, "You're making a big deal out of nothing." Saying this phrase casts doubt on the validity of the partner's concerns and dismisses the seriousness of the issue at hand.
This phrase can be especially harmful in the midst of an argument, because it distorts what's actually going on and makes the other person seem unreasonable just for voicing how they feel. Everyone is entitled to their own experience and emotions, and a woman who discards how her partner feels by using this phrase is showing that she can't actually be trusted.
6. 'I don't see why this is such a problem'
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Another phrase women use when they can't be trusted is "I don't see why this is such a problem." It's another indication of dismissive and avoidant behavior. If a woman's partner brings up something that's bothering them, and this is the woman's response, it shows that she's refusing to acknowledge her partner's perspective and lived experience.
A woman might use this phrase as a defense mechanism, especially if she feels like her character is under attack. The phrase denies any culpability on her part, allowing her to side-step owning up to an action that her partner felt hurt by.
7. 'Why are you bringing this up now?'
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Using the phrase "Why are you bringing this up now" frames a valid action as invalid. By questioning the timing an issue was brought to attention, she's essentially using smoke and mirrors to distract from what's really going on. A woman who says this is able to make it seem like her partner is in the wrong, when really, she is.
The phrase is an expert deflection tactic, because it makes it seem like the problem is the timing itself, and not whatever she did that caused harm. By making it about poor timing, she then doesn't need to apologize, because she becomes the offended party.
8. 'It is what it is'
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A woman who can't be trusted will say that something "is what it is" when she doesn't want to accept responsibility for behaving in a hurtful way. The phrase indicates a refusal to engage with her partner in any form of constructive conversation or work through whatever's presented a problem in their relationship. By saying, "It is what it is," she's redefining her behavior as inevitable, as opposed to something she has control over.
Using this phrase functions as a way to deny culpability. It also allows her to avoid having to offer up any reasons or justifications for her own actions. "It is what it is" is a passive way of telling someone that their feelings don't matter.
9. 'Nobody's perfect'
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"Nobody's perfect" is a generalized phrase that a woman will use when she can't be trusted. The phrase excuses any questionable decisions she's made by focusing on the fact that imperfection is part of being human. By highlighting overall human flaws, she's making it seem like her own behavior can't be blamed on herself, in particular, but rather, on the fact that everyone does things wrong from time to time.
A woman who says this is basically refusing to be held accountable for the ways she's hurt her partner. It allows her to deny taking responsibility, so that she doesn't actually have to apologize. While she might think this excuse is logical, in reality, it's an unfair way to use basic human nature as a personal excuse for wrongdoing.
10. 'If you loved me, you'd believe me'
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This phrase is a prime example of something a woman says when she ultimately can't be trusted. Saying, "If you loved me, you'd believe me" is a clear case of using someone's feelings against them. It's an undeniable form of emotional manipulation and a way to avoid accountability.
The phrase weaponizes her partner's emotional vulnerability and creates a shield, so that it seems like she can never do anything wrong. By using this phrase, she uses love as an excuse for not apologizing. The phrase establishes toxic boundaries, making it so she can't be questioned for her behavior.
In reality, love does mean having to say you're sorry. Knowing how to offer a genuine apology is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.