6 Phrases Wives Use When They Can't Be Trusted, According To Psychology

You might feel it in your gut first, something in the relationship is off. You struggle to put your finger on exactly what it is, but the problem is elusive. You should be able to trust her completely, unquestioningly, yet the unsettled feeling lingers after trying to communicate about the problem you can't quite identify. Then, she utters a vague phrase that subtly betrays your trust.

Here are 6 phrases wives use when they can't be trusted:

1. "I'm fine" and/or "It's fine"

She leans to the side and rests her head on her hand Inside Creative House via Shutterstock

These words are often signs that things are not fine. Underneath your wife's calm exterior is a pot of boiling water about to boil over, as suggested by John Gottman's study on conflict engagement, escalation, and avoidance in marital interaction.

— Jennifer Hargrave, Owner & Managing Attorney, Hargrave Family Law

2. "You're the only one who thinks that"

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When a woman wants to isolate her partner's perspective as a way to invalidate their concerns, she'll tell them, "You're the only one who thinks that." Using this phrase can make the other person question whether they're wrong for having a certain point of view.

Using this phrase is an example of emotional manipulation. According to psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman, the best way to avoid being emotionally manipulated is to build up your emotional intelligence. Dr. Feuerman defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome obstacles, and defuse conflict."

She further explained, "Emotional intelligence includes awareness of your emotions and recognizing what others might be feeling." While emotional intelligence can be wielded in a way that hurts people, developing a strong understanding of your feelings can act as a protective force against toxic relationships, as suggested by a study in Personality and Individual Differences Journal.

— Alexandra Blogier, Writer

3. "I don't have time"

Busy and frustrated woman at desk takes a phone call PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock

They've become distant and are closed off or unwilling to discuss marital issues as they come up. A study in the Journal of Marriage and the Family supports that if they’re suddenly not as present for you as they’ve typically been in the past, especially for activities you always used to share or during difficult moments, then trust has eroded.

— C. Mellie Smith, Writer

4. "I still got it"

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Insecurity and viewing others as a threat go hand in hand. The absolute worst behavior I’ve seen in people came from people who were insecure about themselves — and that includes turning against people who want to help them.

Think about it. A study in the Journal of Family Psychology explains how a scarily large percentage of people cheat because they want to feel good about themselves or know "they still got it." That’s insecurity at work. If they were confident about their work, then it wouldn't be that big a deal.

Insecurity creates incentives to make a person betray others and push others down in a desperate bid to feel good about themselves. The more insecure they are, the stronger that push to put other people down tends to be.

— Ossiana Tepfenhart, Writer

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5. "Why would I do that?"

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Answering a question with a question is a huge red flag indicating the possibility of deception. Honest people make direct denials.

They typically respond, “I didn’t do that.” According to Frank Kardes, deceptive people are evasive, and when they are caught off guard, they need extra time to think of a believable response. A response like, “Why would I do that?” buys the deceptive person precious time to formulate such a response. The key to detecting deception is to listen carefully to what someone tells you.

— Jack Schafer, Ph.D., Behavioral Analyst

6. "I'm not talking about it"

With a slight tilt of her head, she holds a blank expression Bodnar Photo via Shitterstock

There is always a reason someone avoids a situation, a topic, or a person. It can be for many reasons, one of which is having told a lie. If you ask someone where they were, for example, and they don’t want to tell you but don’t want to lie, avoidance becomes the next best option, as supported by research published in Frontiers in Systems Neuroscience. This also comes out as changing the subject.

You have to be careful with this. There are reasons people need to avoid deception before the subject. I avoid talking politics with my family, not because I’m lying but because I want to avoid an argument.

— Joshua Mason , Author, and Public Safety Leader

When the emotional presence in a relationship feels off, and the communication doesn't seem to fit the topic, it is time to pay careful attention to everything. Vagueness begins to feel more like deception when there is an underlying issue of mistrust or betrayal.

Listen to how she speaks to you, if the subtle signs of avoidance are present, it is time to dive deep into what is holding her emotions from being honestly expressed.

Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.