11 Phrases Truly Incompetent People Say Often, According To Psychology
Incompetence is largely defined by mindset, rather than sheer intellect.
studioroman via Canva While incompetence is generally defined by an inability to do something, based on skill or knowledge, the biggest indicator of an incompetent person is how they approach discomfort and the unknown. Like psychology educator and author Kendra Cherry, MSEd suggests, the Dunning-Kruger Effect characterizes incompetence, arguing that there's a phenomenon where people's perceived skill often shadows their actual work, actions, and language.
In the face of a new or challenging task, from social interactions to a project at work, there are several phrases truly incompetent people say often, according to psychology experts. They're not only less willing to try new things, they're held back by their perceived skill level and toxic mindset, drawn towards comfort and control over challenge.
Here are 11 phrases truly incompetent people say often, according to psychology
1. 'It's not my fault'
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Many incompetent people rely on blame-shifting behaviors to avoid taking accountability for their mistakes, hurtful comments, and shortcomings, rather than owning up to them and seeking growth. From repressing emotions amid an argument to shifting blame on their loved ones to assert their own perceived superiority, they prefer to use phrases like this to distance themselves from accountability.
According to Modern Psychiatry and Wellness, this tendency to be overly critical of other people and shift blame away from themselves is a sign of incompetent people's insecurity, rather than their true skill or intellect. They're making up for their perceived weaknesses and combating uncomfortable emotions like embarrassment by shifting them to others.
2. 'I'm stuck'
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Incompetent people tend to steer clear of challenges, especially with tasks that they perceive themselves to be bad at or unsuccessful in. Instead of working through their struggles, they rely on a phrase similar to this to ask for help from others.
While asking for help and advice from others is often perceived to be a sign of intelligence and strength, according to a study from Management Science, incompetent people rely on the intervention of other people far too often instead of challenging themselves through growth.
3. 'That's not my job'
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Lacking flexibility is also a common sign of incompetence, especially in traditional institutions like the workplace where teams work together and challenge themselves towards a common goal.
While setting boundaries at work, especially for over-achievers, is important to maintain and protect your well-being, being adverse to helping others or going the extra mile every once in a while can be more detrimental than helpful for everyone's success.
4. 'This is a problem for someone else to fix'
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Whether they're fueled by a fear of embarrassment, failure, or true responsibility, incompetent people generally avoid any kind of situation where they're forced to challenge themselves or get uncomfortable. Many truly believe that by shifting blame, avoiding accountability, and never taking responsibility for anything in their lives, that they'll find peace when, generally, all they find is stagnancy and discontent.
If there's a problem in front of you, a perceived solution, and a journey that could end in some kind of lesson or growth (or even connection with others), what's the harm in trying it? If the worst thing you experience is a slight bit of embarrassment or "failure," that's much better than watching from the sidelines or doing nothing at all.
5. 'I'm not good at this'
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Of course, you're not going to be good at everything, but the difference between a competent and truly incompetent person is that one is going to try. "I'm not good at this" is one of the phrases truly incompetent people say often, according to psychology, because they demonize not knowing something. Instead of diving in head first or trying things they know they're not "good at," they instead stay where they're comfortable.
The act of doing, engaging in a new experience, or trying something that you're bad at is how you grow, at least according to a study by the Max Planck Florida Institute investigating brain cognition. Incompetence isn't necessarily predicted by intelligence, but complacency in the face of discomfort.
6. 'You're better at this'
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Cleveland Health psychiatry expert Susan Albers suggests that weaponized incompetence is one of the more popular terms associated with this demographic of people, partially because of discussions on social media. Especially in relationships, partners utilize weaponized incompetence to avoid responsibility for a task or conversation by using "their incompetence" as an excuse.
For example, "You're better at doing the dishes, so you should probably do them." Or, purposefully doing the laundry irresponsibly to urge their partner or parent to do it themselves the next time. While they might not be genuinely incompetent or unable to perform a certain task, they rely on this weaponized idea of incompetence to relieve themselves of emotional and physical burdens.
7. 'I'll get to it eventually'
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Influenced by insecurity and plagued with low self-esteem, incompetent people often make excuses to protect their own ego and image. Instead of engaging in activities and challenging themselves in ways that promote personal development, they seek external validation through avoiding discomfort and emotions like envy or embarrassment.
Like therapist Dave Lechnyr, LCSW argues, this tendency to rely on excuses and shift blame around is generally a learned behavior for incompetent people. They've been forced to shut down in the face of failure and were likely criticized for and discouraged from seeking challenge. By pushing away these hard tasks and never truly addressing them, they can live in comfort avoiding judgement.
8. 'It's impossible'
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If you haven't already learned this basic principle in adulthood, nothing is ever impossible. Your job might transform in a way you've never expected. You might personally grow in ways that make new challenges and tasks more feasible. You might fail at something, but it's never impossible.
Our mindset about what we're capable of achieving is what truly defines our perceived success — whether it's a relationship, personal growth, finding a new job, or starting a family. When we restrict ourselves to incompetence, not trying new things or putting ourselves out of our comfort zones, we see the world through an uncomfortably rigid lens, and that's not beneficial for anyone's well-being or happiness.
9. 'It's easy, I could do it'
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Like the Dunning-Kruger Effect explains, incompetent people tend to have a misalignment between their perceived skills and their genuine abilities. This might cause some internal turmoil, as there's typically a misguided aura of either overconfidence or insecurity.
Phrases truly incompetent people say often revolve around this disconnect, often sabotaging healthy connections and interactions between competent people and their loved ones.
10. 'That wasn't me'
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According to workplace psychologist Lauren Florko, PhD, not everyone's perceived incompetence is malicious or genuinely weaponized, but rather a learned behavior or misunderstanding that's not being addressed.
Similarly, phrases like "That wasn't me" aren't always inherently founded in blame-shifting behaviors; in fact, this defensiveness is often a reflection of incompetent people's general discomfort with "failure." When they've watched someone else experience an uncomfortable emotion or project discomfort onto others — oftentimes for trying something new or being unsuccessful with a project — they use phrases like this to avoid shame.
They project discomfort and their own insecurities onto others, not in a narcissistic way driven by greed, but in a self-preserving way to avoid internal conflict.
11. 'I'd rather do nothing'
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Incompetent people are chasing comfort, rather than challenge. Of course, when a challenging project comes up or they're faced with a relationship conflict, they'd prefer to avoid accountability and take a backseat.
This main principle is why working with incompetent people can be so frustrating. Not only do they actively acknowledge their tendency to do less, they prefer to express it to avoid confusion or uncomfortable situations.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.